Struck and Struck Again
by realfakedoors
Summary: After a month on Homeworld, Steven is back on Earth but has more problems than he knows what to do with. Sequel to Convictions & Captivity.
1. New Normal

_"I struck and struck again, And growing still in stature the grim Shape towered up between me and the stars, and still, For so it seemed, with purpose of its own And measured motion like a living Thing, Strode after me."_

William Wordsworth, _The Prelude_

Reading C&C to enjoy this story is not required but highly recommended.

 **1\. New Normal**

It took a month of captivity for Steven to realize the magnitude of difference between safety and security. It may seem like semantics, but that was not the case - not for him, anyways.

Safety is a state of being, a bare minimum qualification, to be free of danger. If you are safe, then you won't get hurt. Simple, measurable; a threshold that drags you from the war zone to the armistice. But security? That was a feeling, an ideal, the _belief_ that you are free of danger. Formless and abstract, security was a place beyond the open door, a place that Steven tried to go but failed to reach, confined by the forces of time that bound him to his current station.

The cool of the night air played through the screen door, left open carelessly by Amethyst, and there was someone seated next to him as he rested in bed – his eyes were closed, so he wasn't sure who it was, but he heard them shift occasionally. It wasn't Pearl, Garnet, or Amethyst, he knew that much – they had just gone outside, their voices carrying in like a delicate breeze, a billow that make him shiver if not for the blankets, but that still left a long list of possibilities. Dani or Blue Pearl, possibly, given that they were both naturally quiet and likely had nowhere else to be. Connie, perhaps… but he wouldn't dare let himself believe she was alive until he saw her, no matter what the others said. Part of him desperately wanted to open his eyes, hoping to dispel that ambiguity, but if it _wasn't_ her… if it was his Dad, or Peridot, or Lapis… well, he wasn't quite ready to face them yet.

In many ways, Steven was reminded of how it felt to disable the light calibration in the Ruby Ship when they all went to space to rescue his Dad, but, unlike then, this feeling was permanent. Everyone was moving at a different pace, dragging behind while he was thrown forward, with no say in the matter no matter how desperately he tried to slow down. A puppet, his strings were taut, neck held still by a dangerous wire so he could not crane his head to see the hand above – but he need not search. The hand was white, dangerous, and ubiquitous. Her presence was everywhere and everything. He couldn't shut his eyes without seeing her, couldn't open them for fear she might be there. White Diamond.

 _I own them all, Steven._

Involuntarily, his breath caught in his throat, and he began to cough. His pretend-sleeping had been interrupted, and no longer could he try to bid his time. He had no idea how long he had been asleep, but it was dark outside, so he rolled over and sat up slowly.

"Oh…" Steven blinked several times, feigning drowsiness. He had probably been laying there for fifteen minutes, so he wasn't really tired anymore, but it seemed like the right thing to do.

It was Lion, head turned to one side and looking at him – Steven wanted to say he was being cute, but there was something about the pink creature's expression that made him uncomfortable.

The voices of the others still floated in softly on curtails of the moonlight. He guessed they hadn't heard him wake up, else they would likely be on their way in to see him already. Leaning back into his pillow again, Steven closed his eyes, heart thumping in a familiar rhythm:

 _Bum-bum._ The first impulse was strong, the other was almost an echo.

 _Bum-bum._ Blood coming in, blood going out.

 _Bum-bum._ It was befitting his warring emotions. Shame, relief, shame, relief, shame, relief.

To him, it felt like everything looked as if being viewed through a film into his old life; his entire existence had become an out-of-body experience. Being here in his earthly bed, basking in the protection and love of his family, the smell of the salty ocean air… it wasn't his to enjoy, not anymore. He wanted it _so_ much, to join them in their sense of celebration, but the longer he was here, the more it felt like his place was on Homeworld.

Accepting that was not hard for him – he had come here under protest, anyways. It was the implications associated with that acceptance that hurt him – that would hurt the others. When he would get out of this bed, they would want him to stay. _Everyone_ would want him to stay – Pearl would want to cook him something to eat; Garnet would want to talk with him; Amethyst might want to joke around. Even worse, his Dad probably wouldn't let him out of his sight. In fact, even White Diamond wanted him here, but he didn't know why. If it was to drive him insane, she would surely succeed; it was only a matter of time.

Grumbling silently, Steven turned over in his bed, trying to ignore Lion staring at him. He would have to tell them about the dream, he wagered, it had to be important…

 _Yes, because that worked out so well the last time you told them about a dream._

 _I didn't ask for your input._

It was Opalite, and he had known they would be back. Truly, they had not really left, but he had managed to push the fusion's voice away in the panic and rush of returning to Earth until now. Steven couldn't even manage surprise; all of his demons were inside him now, so even privacy was no longer private.

Gazing out his window, the sand glittered prettily under the bleached rays of the moon; it must be a cloudless night, for the side of the cliff that faced his bedroom was unusually bright. It was so frustrating, the colors and shine bringing him back to White Diamond's bubble room. He had only just been there, with Danburite, the conversation they had before he passed out still fresh in his mind. The slap.

Steven recognized he had been acting a fool – even White Diamond called him out on it – to come so close to dying again, and again, and again. But what else was he supposed to do?

They just… didn't understand, _couldn't_ understand. Steven realized that he truly did not want to die, did not want to serve Homeworld, did not want this responsibility thrust into his lap, but it didn't matter what he _wanted_. It was about what _she_ wanted, and he had no doubt she would get whatever that was, whether or not he complied.

Sighing heavily, Steven adjusted so he was facing the ceiling. The air was chilly, but refreshing, and he realized no one was speaking outside anymore – they would likely come in to check on him, he could only guess, so he just stared at the roof above and waited.

Lapis was trying her best to bite her tongue, to just listen and not argue, but this conversation was just beyond mind-numbing. Her blue hands shook in anger, so she clenched them tighter and grit her teeth together.

"It is not my place to give you such information." Danburite said flatly, directed to Pearl and Garnet, who seemed frustrated as well.

Pearl pinched her nose and closed her eyes, trying to calm her worn nerves. "I _know_ you don't think you should tell us, but I assure you, this would be is for the best. He doesn't need to relive what happened, and we will find out eventually. Please."

Moving a hand to Pearl's shoulder, Garnet stepped forward. Neither Danburite nor the fusion could see the eyes of the others, both sporting opaque visors, but the stare was not lacking in intensity.

"Danburite. I know you are trying to protect him, but, we need to know what happened up there. Time may be of the essence," she gestured towards the starry sky. "How did you escape?"

Lapis was listening to the back and forth, but she was looking out at the sea, sitting in the sand. A little bit down the beach, Peridot, Amethyst, and Connie were walking in the sand, whispering amongst themselves. The blue gem recognized it wasn't exactly right to eavesdrop, but she thought they were going to make decisions as a _team_. Right now, Pearl and Garnet were acting totally independent, not asking anyone's opinion of this sort of inquiry.

Blue Pearl, she was pretty sure, was standing somewhere near the house. So wispy, her fellow blue gem was nearly invisible in the moonlight, washed a pretty powdery color, so Lapis did not bother to seek her out. It's not like Blue Pearl was much of a conversationalist.

Then there were the humans – Steven not included, of course. Lapis peaked behind her shoulder, looking where the pavement met the sand – the boardwalk, she's pretty sure Steven called it – and there was the boy's father. He was in his van, the backdoor wide-open, but he was with other humans she did not recognize. Given that they arrived with Connie, however, she guessed they were the _Ma-hays-war-ins_.

Turning around, Danburite's face betrayed no emotion. "I ask you try to understand my position. I can tell you some things, but I cannot tell you what information is not mine to share."

 _Good. I think I like Dani after all_.

Pearl nodded, glad to have some sort of progress, but she wasn't exactly hopeful. The fusion said nothing.

Dani crossed her arms, obviously uncomfortable. "I carried Steven, because he was unconscious. Pearl, as you know," she nodded her head in the general direction of the house.

"Arrived here with another Pearl, bubbled. We went through the Military District, found the other Pearl, and then we warped to where I had left my vessel on Homeworld. We encountered one Binnite and another Pearl, but they did not seem concerned with where we were going. Then, we left, and Steven woke up about an hour before we arrived."

Garnet was getting a bit heated, but tried to keep her voice level. Danburite had more or less already told them this twice now, and repeating it was not helpful.

 _It's okay, Ruby. We just have to be patient – they all must have gone through a lot._

"Danburite – Dani. You understand humans, and I respect you for that. But, frankly, you do not understand Steven. We are trying to make this easier for him."

"Nope, that's it. I can't." Lapis bolted into the air, water wings expanding automatically. She had reached her boiling point.

Pearl blinked several times, confused and surprised, but Garnet had considered the possibility of Lapis getting upset – she had just hoped the blue gem would restrain herself.

"You are both being so… so _arrogant!_ Do you hear yourselves? You're trying to force her to talk about something she obviously doesn't want to. I don't think you're being fair to her, _or_ to Steven. Sure, maybe he doesn't won't to talk about it, but maybe he _needs_ to talk about it. Why don't we just _ask_ him?"

Peridot, Amethyst and Connie stopped their walk along the beach, tuning in at the sudden outburst. They had tried to stay out of it, hoping Steven would just wake up before things reached this point.

Pearl huffed in annoyance and straightened her posture, stepping towards Lapis. "You are _out of line_ , Lapis. I know you care for Steven, and I know _you've_ been through a lot, but he is much, much younger than us. He isn't just a child – I realize that – but do you think making him relive all of that… that… _trauma_ is the right thing to do?"

Lapis grunted in frustration, ready to retort, but Danburite spoke up then.

"Please, stop. I understand the psychology of human children, and he indeed should not be tasked with re-experiencing this trauma, but, it is not my place to tell you, either. I _can_ tell you one thing – there may have been errs in his approach, but from the start, Steven had been trying to protect you. It is… beyond obvious that he cares about you all. So, please, do not fight. I am sure that would only upset him more."

She was flexing her fingers strangely, but only because she had the instinct to make notes, file a report, to do something she understood. Fruitless arguing, wasted sentimentality, cross-fusions… these were _not_ things she could make heads-or-tails of. Perhaps, she wondered, there is something about Earth that enhances irrationality.

Annoyed, Lapis said nothing, but flew to the top of the stone-carved woman to be alone. Dani walked past her conversation partners to the water, crouching down as the waves crept up to meet her feet. How odd this planet – so much water, yet, it is unsafe for human consumption. Too much sodium chloride, she knew from logs of colonization, likely as old as the gems that inhabit this planet now.

Curiously, she dipped a finger into the wet sand, interested in the odd sensation, and she realized the green gem – _Peri_ , they called her – and the small Amethyst had approached her. Dani's shoulders slackened by a few degrees when she saw they were both smiling nonthreateningly. She could hear the voice of the pink human child that had been with the pair moving away.

Amethyst spoke first. "Tough break, Dansbury. A four-way feud with Pearl, Garnet, _and_ Lapis on your first day? Man, that's bad."

Scoffing, Peridot responded before she had the chance. "Hardly. I for one, Danburite, think you're off to a great start on Earth. I spend the first several weeks of my inhabitance here fearing for my life. Then, these clods took my limb enhancers," she shot a glance at Amethyst, who rolled her eyes. "And trapped me in a bathroom."

She raised an eyebrow at the new information, but did not respond. They were quite presumptuous to think she would be staying – it had only been a few hours since they arrived. More than anything, Dani felt she needed to talk with Steven and check on his health, and then she could plan for whatever came next.

Amethyst tilted her head to one side, looking at Dani curiously. "Uh, what'cha doing there?"

She looked down, unsure of the purple gems meaning; she had moved her fingers through the dense sand and made a little hole.

"Hmm. Actually, I am not sure why I did this. Likely satiating an unconscious desire for activity in my absent automated digits. Touch stumps are the best I have, but their inadequacy irks me."

Peridot nodded solemnly, and Amethyst just looked at her blankly. The green gem opened her mouth to speak, but before she could, the purple one shapeshifted suddenly and adopted some strange human garb – a tall hat, a glass protector for only one of her vision spheres, some sort of cape or coat that was too long in the back but cropped appropriately in the front. To be honest, Danburite thought it was one of the strangest things she's ever seen.

"I _do_ say, we need not use such _nerd_ language in these parts, hmm, yes, _most_ right." Her voice went strange and inflected at unnatural points, and the green gem started to laugh. Humor on Earth, Dani guessed, so she gave them a small smile. She did appreciate the effort, even if the comedy was lost on her.

Priyanka was giving Greg a skeptical look, so he tried to reassure her.

"Really, it's okay. They argue a lot, but, it's only because they care. I promise." He tried to add an extra punch of confidence in his voice. The Maheswarans _seemed_ to buy it, at least on the surface, so they all returned to the conversation at hand.

Doug was nodding thoughtfully, considering what Greg had been telling them about some of the… easier to explain powers. So far, he had managed to talk about Steven's healing powers, which seemed to satisfice the narrative on what happened to his daughter (at least partially), why there were so few of them by touching on the subject of the war, and he had just gone a little more in-depth with, well, Garnet.

Fusion wasn't a foreign concept in sci-fi, so Doug seemed to pick up on that fairly easily.

"Well… they certainly do look like a curious bunch when you look at them all like this. I guess it explains the whole dinner fiasco when we first met."

Sighing, Greg chuckled weakly. "Yeah… sorry, again, about that. Steven just wanted to make a good first impression."

Priyanka frowned. "Meaning?"

He looked at Doug, who gave him a very tiny shake of the head – _sorry, you're on your own._

"Well… I figured you both knew that Steven and Connie, um, _care_ about each other. But that's not really my business."

Greg was eyeing the woman fearfully, her face as hard as stone, but she eventually broke out into a sudden laugh. "I-I'm sorry, Greg. I couldn't resist. I'm not _dull_ ; although, I would be lying if I said I wasn't a bit rueful over it. They're both too young." She was watching her daughter move along the beach to Pearl and the leader – Garnet, the fusion, as she came to understand.

Heart beating a little too fast, Greg chortled nervously. "Y-Yeah… Good one…"

"But anyways, you were saying?"" Priyanka's voice was all business once again.

Clearing his throat, Greg returned to their earlier topic. "R-right. So, these are the Gems in action. Well, not in-action, not really, but you know what I mean. Feel free to stop me at any time with questions, but, I guess the only other really important thing is the deal with Lapis and Peridot – the blue one who just yelled, and the little green one."

They nodded, prompting him to continue.

"They aren't like Pearl, Garnet, and Amethyst – they haven't been around forever. I mean, they have, but not on Earth. They only came to call Earth home within the past year. Steven convinced them both to stay, for the same reason his mother wanted to protect this place. It has something their world doesn't – freedom."

Doug shifted to face the fellow father, although he was still watching the magical beings at the end of the beach. Connie was smiling, speaking to the one he knew to be her sword instructor.

"I'll be honest, Greg... When you called us, there was no way we would have declined bringing Connie out here, even if it's now," he glanced at his cell phone.

"Almost midnight. I know this means a lot to her. And I really do appreciate all of the information you've given us, it's… helpful, to have some context. Connie only tells us so much, and I get it – this is all pretty crazy." He scoffed at himself – it was a _lot_ crazy, but now was not the time for pointless semantics.

"But, I don't know if she's going to be allowed to keep coming back after tonight. Don't you… get worried?"

Pursuing his lips, Greg said nothing at first, thinking. He couldn't say he blamed them, watching Connie wave at the others and walk towards the house – she was likely checking on Steven, all of them poking their head in occasionally to make sure he was still asleep in the safety of his bed.

Sighing, he ran a hand through his hair as he chose his words with care. "Parenting in this sort of messed up world is… not easy. I realize you have a lot to work on with her, figuring out what's going to be the new normal, but… yeah. I do worry. A lot."

"I'm not even sure what I will do about Steven now that he's back. I don't want him to be in harm's way again, but, I don't even know if I could stop him," he added truthfully.

After a pause, the woman standing in front of the van turned and took a seat next to Greg. She looked so exhausted, which was probably befitting a doctor.

Whatever mask of resolve she had been managing to keep up cracked the moment she sat, surprising Greg. "I-I don't know what to tell her, what we could possibly tell her to make her _want_ to stay at home with us. I don't want her to resent us, but, who knows if this… _pink_ thing will last? We…" she took a steadying breath, so he waited patiently.

"I can't help but draw comparisons to my work… it feels like I'm telling a patient's family that their loved one's condition is terminal, but now I'm on the other side of things. Pearl said she was _fading_ – she could be gone in an hour, or tomorrow, or never. I, we, don't know, and I just want to spend every second with her." She covered her eyes with the palms of her hands, leaning forward.

Honestly, Greg did not know what to say, and Doug was still silent, watching the others.

After a few minutes, Priyanka let out a light chuckle, although she didn't sound very amused. "How do we do this, Greg? How do _you_ do it? Even if she continues to live through this… pinkness, if we keep her away from this, she'll be miserable; if we let her go into it, she might _really_ die this time." Her voice was hard, and he couldn't fault her for struggling. These were the same questions he asked himself every day, wondering if Steven was going to live to see the next sunrise.

Doug chimed in, his voice low. "On the one hand, it feels like we might ruin whatever time she has left. But on the other, it feels like we're enabling her to just get herself…" The man didn't finish the sentence, but he didn't have to – the word was heavy within their silence: _killed_.

Frowning, Greg thought about their concerns, honestly unsure of what to tell them. How do you comfort someone when you don't even know how to deal with those same worries?

He started to formulate an answer slowly. "Well… if I may speak freely, I think… you should let her do what she wants. I know that's… hard." He felt his own chest tighten, thinking about his son.

"It's what got Steven into all of this in the first place, so I probably sound like a hypocrite, but.. he's tied to it, all of this magic and madness, whether I like it or not. And, now, your daughter is too. If we try to keep them from it, we'll not only hurt their feelings, but we might even put them in danger. There's a lot about Steven I don't understand, still, and now you've got this thing going on with Connie. The Gems are the best teachers and protectors on this planet when it comes to this sort of thing, and who knows what sort other monsters and mysteries will to start to surface after all of this mess. They're – heh, they're so darn strong," he snickered lightly. Both Maheswarans were looking at him, not expecting the laughter, looking miffed. Greg quickly explained himself.

"They're really something else, these kids. They've seen more and done more than most adults, and lived to tell about it. It's incredible – _they're_ incredible. You don't need to take my advice; I would take Steven and head straight for the hills if I wouldn't have Pearl chasing me to the ends of the Earth over him." He smiled at the image.

"But if I can at least suggest one thing, be proud of her. She's done some amazing things. They both have."

They were silent for a while after that, but Doug was smiling. Priyanka looked thoughtful, mulling over his words, but she could not resist the smile that spread across her own face when her husband placed a hand on her shoulder. They _were_ proud of her; she really was incredible.

Steven stiffened when the door opened, hearing the lightness of footsteps enter the house. It only sounded like a single pair, but he couldn't tell who it was just by the sound. For some reason, Steven had instinctively shut his eyes and pretended to be asleep once again – it was silly, of course, he would have to get up eventually.

There was a long silence after they ascended the stairs. Vaguely, he guessed it was Pearl from how lightly they stepped, and he knew she would sometimes watch him sleep. Could she tell when he was faking? He had to keep himself from grimacing at the thought – that would be embarrassing.

After about another minute, they spoke quietly, and his heart started to hammer in his chest. Lion was making that cooing noise when he would nuzzle into someone, so they were petting him, he knew.

"Oh, Lion…" Her voice was fully of affection, looking at the way her skin mingled with the beast's fur so perfectly. Honestly, Connie couldn't decide if that was reassuring or disconcerting. After a thoughtful pause, she looked up from petting the gentle pink giant and back at Steven, only to gasp. His eyes were open, looking at her.

"S- _Steven_?" Connie blinked, making sure he really was awake.

Sitting up carefully, Steven was glad for the blankets – his legs were still sore from the lashes, and he didn't want her to see them.

"Connie, I…" his voice cracked – his mouth was very dry. What could he say to her? Lapis had mentioned this, but he hadn't known what to expect – she really was pink. Really pink. Standing next to Lion only exacerbated how absolutely _pink_ she was.

Too excited for her own good, the girl flew forward and grasped him in a hug. He was warm, and safe, and she was _so_ happy; she hadn't been here to see him when he first returned, and now that he was awake, his safety felt that much more real.

He did not hug back, still overwhelmed by her… well, everything. She was alive, she was smiling, she was breathing and her voice sounded like his favorite song. She was pink, but holding him, not hurting him, not fearing for their lives.

She pulled back, beaming, but her face fell when she noticed the caution in his eyes.

Lowering her voice, Connie made her smile gentler. "It's okay, Steven. I'm okay. You're okay." She sat slowly on the edge of his bed, measuring his reaction, and her fingers had crept to hold his hand. He flinched away.

She tried to hide it, but Steven could tell his reaction hurt her. "I-I'm sorry, just… jumpy." He moved his hand back, putting on his best reassuring smile. She did not return the expression, but did not withdraw her hand. The others outside had grown quiet, and it seemed the outside world wanted them to be still for that moment.

But that was the outside world – inside, Steven found his lungs were on fire. His palms had grown sweaty, which only made him more nervous since their fingers were touching. Deliberately, Steven took a deep breath and fixed his gaze on her eyes. She was like a rose, so bright and full of life, but he couldn't help but worry that she might wilt.

"Connie, I am… so, so sorry. No – please," Steven stopped her when she opened her mouth to interrupt him. He knew she wouldn't want to hear his apology.

He squeezed her thin pink hand lightly, and pulled his own away. "I know… you won't want to hear this. But please. Let me… just…" His voice was shaking, so he took another deep breath.

"I thought I lost you. I really thought that was it – she, she," he tried to say White Diamond, but the sound make him choke up. He tried again.

"I never thought I would see you again." Tears lined his tired cheeks, still exhausted despite the hours of sleep. Connie was looking at him, brows pulled together in a thoughtful, sad expression, but he was looking at his hands in his lap.

"I… I thought it was over. I know you're going to say it's okay, but, it's not. It won't ever be, not fully. Connie, it's my fault you _died._ " Steven grit his teeth together, making his mouth form the words that haunted him.

"I felt you go _cold_ … and I know we're here, now. But that doesn't undo what happened, and that does nothing for what might happen next." He shuddered as another breeze crept through the house. His gaze moved out into the white sand below. The way it shined under the moonlight made him feel like White Diamond was piercing him with her gaze – was she? She was in his mind, could she see everything? Hear everything? Was she the one speaking right now – or was it him?

 _I own everything._

Connie let him finish, watching the tears form in his eyes as he looked at the beach.

Weakly, he continued. "I don't know what to do, Connie. I feel like I'm sick, or stuck, or both. I want to hold your hand, and hug you, and tell you everything that happened… I mean it, I want to. But, I don't even feel like I'm here right now. I feel like I'm still on Homeworld. I can't explain it, Connie. I'm sorry. I'm sorry…"

His face fell into his hands, ashamed and afraid and terribly empty. How do you tell someone who was taken away from you, then mercifully returned, that you love them, that you were sorry, that you would never have let this happen if you had known? They were supposed to do this together, face things together, but Steven had never felt so alone in his entire life. The only things he felt like he had left were his scars and the voices that bounced in the back of his mind.

Very gently, Connie placed a hand on his leg from above the blanket. Steven resisted the urge to move away; he didn't want to hurt her feelings again.

"Steven… you're right, it's not just 'okay' now. I'm sorry. But, it's not your fault what happened out there, and right now, we can't change any of it. You're not on Homeworld, because I'm not on Homeworld. Right now, you're with me, and I'm not going anywhere. You're here _with_ me. Forget about the Gems, and my parents, and Homeworld, and all of it. Just for one second, please?"

Her voice was so sweet, like the soft sigh of summer, and Steven could do nothing but let his hands drop, looking up at her.

He was surprised, not having realized how close she was until he raised his head. They were only inches away, and for just a second, he managed to do what she asked. It was just her, and him, and nobody else, and it was perfect. Softly, he leaned his forehead forward so they touched, like the first time they fused, and closed his eyes.

"Thank you, Connie."

She smirked, and drew back so she could face him.

 _God, he still looks terrible._ And it was true – he needed sleep first and foremost, but he really _looked_ sick. Steven was terribly pale and he had grown thin, underfed and dehydrated from his treatment on Homeworld.

As she turned slightly, Steven's eyes moved to her shoulder. "Why'd you cut your hair? It looks good," he added defensively.

He really was just curious – he noticed it before everything happened, and right now, it felt nice to not talk about himself.

"Ahh…" she looked up at the ceiling, thinking. She did not want to lie to him, but talking about Holly Blue Agate right now probably wasn't a good idea.

"I did this, well, sort of epic move, if I can say so myself, while we were out there. Long story short, I faked a gem out by cutting my own hair." That _was_ more-or-less what happened.

He didn't smile like she hoped, but he didn't look so grim, either. In fact, Steven simply folded his hands in his lap and turned to look out the window. There was something on his mind, she knew, but she didn't want to push him.

And she was right – there was something on his mind, or, more accurately, there was something _in_ his mind. Opalite's voice, a memory that wasn't his – once Connie recounted it, it was like a light switch went off in his brain and he was _there_. He saw it and felt it like it was his own hands grabbing the back of her plait. Holly Blue had tried to kill her.

She let him brood for a few minutes, unsure what to do. Connie more than anything just wanted to be helpful, but she recognized that, if the Gems felt like they had gone through the ringer on Homeworld, he must be a hundred times worse.

"Connie?"

"Yes, Steven?"

He bit his lip and fell silent again – she waited patiently for several minutes before eventually encouraging him again.

"Steven?"

He blinked a few times, resurfacing from whatever thoughts had gripped him, and his eyes found her own.

"S-sorry. I wanted to ask, is everyone out there?"

She nodded, but added, "Yes, although last I saw, Lapis is up by the lighthouse, but otherwise, yeah. Everyone is out there."

Steven tugged gently on the blanket corner, silently asking her to get up so he could get out of bed. He really needed to tell them what had happened, and it would easier to do it all-at-once rather than one-at-a-time, right?

 _Why do they deserve your honesty? They were never honest with you. Not even the girl, now._

Shaking his head, Steven pushed one of his hands into his temple. Connie was looking at him a bit anxiously, but she made no move to stop him.

"I want to talk to them, the Gems. I'm sorry to ask you to, but could you get them for me? I need to figure this gem-stuff out before I talk to my Dad."

Connie was glad he wasn't shutting himself in, but she still bit her lip nervously. He still looked tired, sounded hollow, and was shaking so much she thought he would fall over.

"Are you sure?"

Inhaling sharply, Steven placed a hand against the wall at the top of the stairs, closing his eyes. He had not realized how faint he was until he stood up – how long has it been since he's eaten? He may have access to food now, but he knew nothing would taste very good. Once again, all of _this_ was an extension of White Diamond, she was _letting_ him be here, _letting_ him eat, _letting_ enjoy this moment with Connie. He couldn't do anything without feeling an invisible collar around his throat, the voice of White Diamond in his mind, her icy voice chilling the blood beneath his veins.

The longer he was here, he was certain the worse this would be. She said he would be back soon – how soon was soon? Too soon? Too late? Would she hurt them?

"Steven, are you okay?" Connie was next to him again, and he blinked several times.

 _Right – the Gems. Gotta talk to them._

"Um, yeah, sorry. Just dizzy. I am sure. I want to talk to them."

She frowned at him but did not protest, heading down the stairs in front of him. One foot out the door, she turned to him one more time.

"Just… can you promise me you'll eat something, and drink some water? I just got you back, I don't want you dying of dehydration." Her voice was full of mirth, but she frowned at him.

Steven couldn't help but chuckle at that, and it felt a little good to laugh. "I promise."


	2. Bedtime Stories

It struck Steven as strange that not twelve hours ago, he was traveling through space, away from Homeworld and back to _his_ home world, and now all he could think about was leaving again.

That was going to be the complicated piece to explain to the others, but if he started with the dream, maybe they would understand. Whatever was happening, he knew being here was only putting them all in more danger.

So now, twelve hours have passed, and he was sitting on the sofa in the living room completely surrounded by his friends and family. The clock on the wall read 12:41 AM – it was nearly one in the morning. While Connie gathered the group, Steven changed into a pair of long-sleeve pajamas, not wanting to draw unnecessary attention to his scars in addition to everything else.

Garnet sat at the "L" in the couch, so she could see everyone, and Amethyst was sitting next to him on the longer part. Across the table, Peridot was kneeling on the ground with Connie, who sat with her legs crossed. He shot her a grateful smile for saving him the trouble of having to call them inside himself – he hadn't the energy for that right now.

That left Pearl, Lapis, Blue Pearl, and Dani, who were spread around the periphery of the small space. Pearl was in the kitchen, making Steven a small meal from what they had in the fridge and cupboards. Blue Pearl sat on the window seat near the fridge, looking out at the ocean – she had not said much to anyone since arriving, save a few words with his Pearl, and it made Steven a little sad. It would take her some time to readjust, he figured.

Lapis was seated with her back against the wall on the stairs, a little above Steven's eye level. Her blue face was curiously blank, sizing up the many faces in the room, and Danburite stood almost directly opposite to her across the small space. She was sort of catty-corner to his bathroom, standing stiffly and studying her hands.

The irony of the scene was not lost on him – this was similar to the day he first left, although it was all backwards. Instead of talking to Peridot across from him and Lapis on the stairs and then falling asleep, he had just woken up from a dead rest, and now was talking to _all_ of them, though the blue and green gem curiously chose the same place to sit.

Steven sat against the back of the cushion, his legs comically failing to reach the end of sofa, so he looked at his bare feet so as not to have to focus on any one person. They were silent for a while, many exchanging looks, before finally Pearl set some sandwiches and soup in front of him and handed him a glass of water.

Connie gave him an encouraging nod while Pearl sat to his right, so he took a deep breath and gulped the glass of cool liquid immediately.

"Okay. _Okay._ Well… okay. Sorry, this is weird," he felt his face redden – all of them were looking at him.

"Right. So… There's something I need to tell you. I don't know… how to explain a lot of this, so, try to be patient, please?" Weakly, he looked up at Pearl who placed a tender hand atop his head. Her eyes were serious, but she was smiling, which helped to calm him slightly.

 _She served White Diamond and escaped, so maybe…_

He nudged a little closer to her, snuggling into her side, and she lowered a protective arm across his shoulders.

 _You can do this._

"Dani and Blue Pearl should know a little about this already, but I need to start from the beginning. It would make more sense that way."

Peridot was cupping her chin with one hand, listening attentively and nodding – _continue_ , her expression read.

Exhaling a low breath, he started speaking slowly and carefully.

"Blue Pearl and I snuck into m- _White_ Diamond's bubble room, because I knew Dani could get her off-planet. She told me, before the whole thing in the… Kindergarten. So I went there to find Dani – who, um, I think you all know – she was… shattered." He cringed slightly, glancing at the so-named white gem to his left. When he met her gaze, she gave him a tiny smile.

"It's okay, go on, Steven." Monotone as ever, her words were still encouraging. He nodded at her.

"Well… you all heard White Diamond talking about my healing powers and stuff, so… I asked – well, wait, I forgot. Blue Pearl did something really cool – she poofed Heliodor!" Steven's voice naturally went up in excitement as he remembered – it had been so unexpected that he still reveled in the totally out of character, but awesome, way she took out the orange gem.

None of them had expected that, least of all Blue Pearl for him to announce it, so she hung her head when the others looked at her. Maybe he imagined it, but Steven could have sworn she smiled for just a second before steeling her expression.

His Pearl tilted her head, looking at the blue gem with a strange look on her face, but said nothing.

Garnet spoke up. "Go on."

"Hm." Steven nodded once.

"Right, so, this is the weird part. I uh, asked Blue Pearl to stab me, but not hard. Like, a poke is what I told her, and she did it like I asked." Lapis' brow came together in concern, Pearl stiffened slightly, and Amethyst gawked at the gem in question. Not only did she poof that crazy orange gem, but she _stabbed_ Steven? Honestly, the Amethyst was surprised Garnet or Pearl didn't get up and stab _her_.

"And as you can tell, it worked, cause Dani came back," he looked at her, but she was frowning. He knew she didn't approve of what he had done, even if it brought her back, but he was still glad to have done it.

Out of habit, he started to rub his forearm – the easy part of the story was over, what happened while he was conscious, and they managed to keep their reactions relatively in check. He was grateful for that, because what came next was going to be much harder.

Untangling himself from Pearl's arm, Steven took a deep breath and launched into the story.

"Okay… um, after that, I fell unconscious. Thank goodness Dani is such a good doctor cause I lost a lot of blood. It was stupid of me, but, while I was out… I had a dream. Well, I think it was a dream, but I wasn't really asleep. I…"

He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, seeing White Diamond's face behind his lids, bemused and mocking.

"She… She was there. It wasn't like a normal dream…" Steven's voice had grown very quiet, and the tension in the room grew exponentially. Pearl adjusted slightly and turned to face him.

"Who, Steven? Heliodor?"

Although he couldn't see it, Blue Pearl and Danburite exchanged a glance before looking out the window and at the floor, respectively.

Oh, he _wished_ it was just Heliodor. "No, sorry. I meant, White Diamond. I woke up and she was holding me in her hand, and my stab wound from Pearl was gone."

His statement reverberated in the silence, many of their faces betraying their underlying fear and repulsion. Garnet leaned forward, her face unreadable.

"Steven, what happened next?"

Pressing his hands into his eyes, Steven wished he didn't have to say it out loud, but he had been the one to bring them together. They needed to know.

They sat while he worked up the courage, eventually leaning forward and grabbing one of the little sandwiches Pearl had prepared – just the way he liked it, of course. After tersely swallowing a few bites, he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and went on.

"We… we were in her throne room at first. She was sitting, and I woke up like I had been sleeping. She told me I was… dying, actually." He placed a hand against his forehead, eyes wide as he remembered how matter-of-factly she broke the news.

Now he was truly back in the memory, feeling the sofa disappear beneath him. It was replaced by the hard, stone-like surface of White Diamond's hand, his lungs failing to take in adequate air as she spoke to him. Steven no longer noted the reactions of the others as he continued, seeing only her, and the white room, and the white world.

"She told me she can talk to people through their minds, like how I can go through dreams. And she said that I was going back to Earth… she was so casual about that," he scoffed.

"Then she said… she said 'you didn't think I was unaware of the plot hatched by Blue Pearl.' And I did, I was so stupid. God, I was stupid."

His Pearl's voice interrupted him, soothing and warm. "Steven…"

But he wasn't having it. "No, Pearl, it's true."

Steven sighed, leaned back and stared at the ceiling.

"She took me somewhere then, I don't know if it was real or not. I mean, it all felt real, there was a warp pad and everything, but it was… it was…" he was struggling to capture that feeling, that crazed, desperate feeling he had at the top of the white tower.

"Insane. It was _insane._ We went to the top of a huge, huge tower, she called it the 'Infinity Spire.' It looked across Homeworld, but Homeworld didn't look the same. It was all… white."

Steven shut his eyes, teeth chattering like he was just pulled from a freezing lake.

" _So_ white. Everything was white. She said everyone thinks I shattered Blue and Yellow Diamond. And she talked about artificial fusions, and gem shards, but I didn't really understand it. Something about the Cluster, too. And she said, about Homeworld – they no longer feel 'loyalty' to her, or anything. She said she… _owns_ them." He couldn't help but wince, remembering the horrible inflection of her lethal voice.

Steven clenched his fists, trying to stop himself from crying in front of everyone, but he was so scared. Everything about the dream made him feel terrified, and talking about it was like bringing it to life.

"There's… three other things, important things she said." He paused, considering which to say first.

"She said… she needed me to _do_ something while I was here and, that, ugh," he stopped short – the words felt wrong coming from his mouth, but he tried to tell himself they needed to hear this.

"She said not to worry, because I would be _back_ soon."

The room had grown still, tense as the meaning behind his words slowly rooted and began to bloom in the silence. Amethyst shifted uncomfortably next to him, Lapis leaned forward over the stairs, her face alarmed as she looked down at him. Pearl was looking at Garnet, neither of whom were speaking, and Connie had covered her mouth with both hands in shock. Face hidden behind her visor, Steven couldn't measure Dani's reaction, and Blue Pearl was still gazing into the darkness of the ocean.

Peridot was looking at him with her brow knit together, and glanced around at the others in surprise.

Had no one else picked up on that? The green gem probed the silence. "Wait, Steven, that's only two. What's the last thing?"

Apparently, no one else _had_ picked up on that, because they all immediately turned to look at him, faces expectant. Steven flinched under the sudden intensity, and scooted forward on the couch so his legs dangled over the sides, watching his feet.

He had not even told Dani and Blue Pearl this, the thought too disturbing for him to have accepted the first time around. This whole conversation felt like he was swimming through a black lake, struggling to stay afloat, and his legs were starting to give way from the exertion.

"I…" he started, but the water was filling his lungs. He was drowning, his windpipe constricting under the pressure, white hands creeping from below to pull him under.

Steven gripped both sides of his head, folding inward on himself, his breaths coming shallow and short – he had started to panic. His heartbeat filled his ears, and they were all saying his name, but her voice was the clearest through the fog of voices.

" _Oh, I'm in your head now, Steven, but I assure you, this is very real."_ He hissed the words through clenched teeth, remembering every little intonation in her voice. The ones nearest to him fell silent, listening to him struggle through the words as imagined hands tightened around his neck.

…

…

…

"Steven? Steven, can you hear me?" It was Pearl, and she was leaning over him. Steven blinked madly, feeling tears squeeze out the corners of his eyes with each flutter of his lids.

"What… happened?" He started to lean up, and her face softened, some of the lines of worry disappearing from her frown.

"I'm afraid you had a… panic attack, but, don't worry. It's alright. Just you and me now." She sat next to him on the couch, and they were the only ones still in the house – _that_ was a relief. Right now he couldn't handle all of them starring, their worried and hurt expressions clutching at his already failing heart.

She lifted her slender arms out carefully to her sides and turned her torso to face him, offering a hug. Steven looked at her face, and it was nearly as stoic as Garnet's, conveying silent comfort: _it's okay if you don't want to, but if you do, I'm here._

Carefully, he lifted his own arms and wrapped them around her thin waist, and they held each other in silence for a while.

It was nice, but like all things right now, it didn't feel like it was his to enjoy. Someone half a universe away was pulling his strings, a little too far away to see, but close enough that he couldn't forget.

Sniffling, Steven whispered into Pearl's comforting grasp. "I-I'm scared, Pearl. I don't want to go back."

She lifted an arm and patted the back of his hair gently, like she had before the conversation had sent him into a spiral. "Oh, Steven… it's okay to be scared. That's why we're here – to protect you."

Pulling back slightly, he looked up at her. She looked a mixture of fear and folly, compassion and passion, worry and worn; how did she manage to be so sure?

Steven vocalized his concern. "H-how Pearl? You have to realize… if anyone would, it's you. She… _White Diamond_ … I feel like I can't move, or speak, or think. I feel like she really is _in_ my head – I'm only here now because she _permitted_ it."

Pearl could see he wasn't just being childish – this was a deep fear, the look in his eyes like those who had lived through some of the hardest moments in the war. Her stomach twisted in anger, cursing Homeworld, Holly Blue Agate, and White Diamond. She tightened her hold on him, and made her voice gentle, hiding her rage.

"Steven, I'll be honest… I don _'t_ have all the answers. I can't tell you how we'll do it, but we will. I _won't_ let her hurt you anymore, I promise. I was able to get away from her, and so have you."

Maybe it was because he so badly wanted to believe her, and he was already hurting so much, but Steven let his guard down and started to spill out all of his emotions unabridged for just a moment.

"Pearl, I… I think something is happening to me. I can't focus, and I _hear_ her. It's not just my dream, it's everywhere. It's like, my mind, and Opalite, and _her_ , they're all connected and I can't untangle them. I-I'm afraid if I stay, I'll hurt one of you. I don't want to go… I mean it. I love you, and Garnet and Amethyst and Connie and everyone, and when I warped you and Lapis away I only did it because I thought it would help, but I didn't mean what I said. I'm sorry. What if I hurt someone? What if she's using me again? I'm scared, Pearl, I'm just… I'm _so_ scared, and I…" his voice trailed off with tears, gripping the white gem tightly, desperately, wanting to just forget about everything.

And though she tried not to show it for his benefit, Pearl was downright terrified by the way he was speaking. She continued to hold him and let him work through his emotions, but her brain with buzzing – White Diamond was a master of deception and illusion, but as far as Pearl could recall, she was not telepathic.

For reasons that were now obvious, Steven was valuable to her former Diamond. Not for his kind, gentle heart – those things which truly made him precious – but as a tool for her own gain. Would she really just _let_ him get away if he was so important to her plans?

Pearl tried to abate the thought, but she couldn't deny her doubts. Steven had been traumatized, the degree to which she was still struggling to accept, so she wanted to do whatever she could to make him feel better but… what if she was just validating a bad nightmare? Steven had plenty of dreams that didn't have anything to do with his powers – good and bad – so it wasn't impossible for him to be, well… making something out of nothing.

First of all, none of them had the faintest idea what the Infinity Spire might be – not even Blue, who she asked privately before Steven woke up, and she was the most deeply acquainted with Homeworld. Even a brigade's worth of Bismuths could not construct a tower of the kind he had described within a few days, so that part was more than likely imagined.

But the other parts? Those were just so… so _strange_. A warp stream, in a dream? That sounded more like an illusion, but he was already safely away from her by then, and the business with the Cluster and artificial fusions made her shudder.

Rubbing comforting circles in his back while she juggled her thoughts, Pearl had gotten Steven to calm down most of the way. "Shh, Steven. Shh. I love you too. We all do. It's okay, I promise, it's just us here. Just us, okay?"

He pushed back against her so they could face each other, and the look of utter defeat on in his eyes broke her heart.

"What do we do, Pearl?" Searching her face, Steven couldn't understand the expression that had settled there.

Pearl put her hands under his arms and lifted him into the air, standing up and walking towards the kitchen.

"We take things one day at a time, Steven. One day at a time." She smiled warmly down at him, and the smile that tugged at the corner of his lips broke the darkness in the room like the dawn on a misty morning, adding clarity and purpose to an empty sky.

Pearl stepped out of the Temple and onto the wooden balcony, finding the others gathered a few yards from Greg's van – it appeared that they were saying farewell to Connie, the Maheswaran's getting into their own car parked nearby. Quickly, she made her way across the sands to give her own farewells to the girl.

Peridot had just finished explaining the conventions of a human handshake to Blue, who seemed very uncomfortable by stiffly offering her hand to Connie in goodbye. Had she not just put Steven to bed again, mind turning with a million worries, Pearl would have laughed at the strangeness of the sight as she cleared the distance.

"Uh, yes, goodbye… oh, hello, ma'am." Connie stood up a little straighter when she saw Pearl approach, and the white gem gave her a small smile.

"Now Connie, you know you don't always have to call me that. And it appears it's more time for farewells than hellos, I'm afraid." Pearl knelt down to face her student, who nodded seriously, her short pink hair dancing lightly across her shoulders.

"Yes ma'-a – um, Pearl." She extended thin arms to give her a hug, which Pearl gratefully accepted with a squeeze. The girl whispered lightly in her teacher's ear.

"My parents aren't sure they'll let me come back. I'm not sure what that will look like, but, no matter what, I will fight. I _will_ fight – for him."

Pearl held her student for a moment longer, letting her words sink in before pulling away. Connie had a fire in her eye that she so admired, and while her instincts told her to disapprove of Connie's recklessness, she couldn't help but shoot her a wink. Who was she to criticize a young warrior resisting authority? What sort of _renegade_ would that make her?

With a quick grin, Connie turned and retreated to her parent's car and headed off into the night. Greg turned to them anxiously, wanting a full report from Pearl on Steven after the others told him he fainted.

"He's fine, Greg," the white gem said, holding up a hand to calm him. "I've put him to sleep for the rest of the night. He's still just very tired."

The man's face relaxed, but only slightly.

Garnet jumped in before Greg could get a word-in edgewise. "You should get some rest. We're going to take turns checking on him, and you still need to sleep. I can assure you, we won't take our eyes off of him."

She pulled down her visor and winked with her third-eye, which caused Greg to chuckle uncomfortably.

"A-alright, well, if you're sure. I'm sure there's some crazy magic stuff you need to talk about anyways," he nodded jokingly. The tense silence did little to ease his suspicions, but he could see the Gems needed privacy, so he retreated to the van and shut the doors.

The moment he disappeared, Pearl gestured for the others to follow her away towards the water and they did so accordingly. Rubbing her temples, the white gem announced her concerns once they reached the edge of the sea.

"Things are… worse than I thought." Her voice was tight as turned to the group, who had clustered together in pairs: Amethyst and Garnet, Dani and Blue, and Lapis and Peridot, with Pearl standing at the helm. Her face was drawn tight, eyes closed and her appearance was not inviting of questions.

After it seemed Pearl was not going to say anything else, Peridot chimed in quietly. "Well, we can't stay here all night. If he's asleep, should we be doing something?"

A few of them mumbled in agreement; standing around all night would get them nowhere. Lapis put a supportive hand on the green gem's shoulder and turned her attention to Garnet, figuring the only person present with precognition would be the best source of guidance. "Any thoughts?"

Rubbing her chin, Garnet spoke slowly. "I think… it would be best for Danburite to stay with Steven. She's got the most medical expertise; Amethyst, you and I will stay in Beach City with Pearl and Pearl for now – Lapis, Peridot, why don't you go to the barn? I think we'll turn that into headquarters while we figure things out, so Steven can recover at home. Expect at least one of us to give you an update by mid-day tomorrow. And Peridot," she turned towards the green gem, who had been adjusting the star points in her hair slightly.

"I think you'll want to get back to work on your original project."

Brow furrowed momentarily, understanding spread across her little green face – Garnet must not want to alarm the others, but Peridot had been working on defensive mechanisms before all of this mess started. With a nod, Peridot took Lapis' hand and started to head for the house.

"Ah," Garnet stopped them. "Best not warp. You'll wake him."

After that, Garnet's orders rolled out with relative ease. Blue Pearl did not seem entirely comfortable around Amethyst, Garnet and Pearl, so she floated near the water's edge while the rest of them disbursed.

The purple gem was eyeing their leader suspiciously. "Okay, Garnet, what's _really_ going on? I know something is off." She kept her voice low, since Blue Pearl had not strayed very far.

Garnet was not looking at her, though, her gaze fixed on Pearl who had not said a word through the whole process. The future was not encouraging.

"Pearl _…_ " the fusion said, her voice warning.

Pearl's voice was flat, angry. " _Thank_ you, Garnet. I just could not deal with it right now."

Amethyst was confused, and raised an eyebrow – usually she was the one at the end of Pearl's snaps.

"Um, do one of you want to clue me in here? What's going on with him?"

Neither of them answered her at first, and the tension quickly became uncomfortable.

Finally, Garnet angled her head down to look at Amethyst. "We are… er, rather, Pearl is…"

"I can't – I _can't_ right now. I've tried – I've _really_ tried, did you know that? To be patient, and understanding, and thoughtful, but I am **DONE.** _"_ She shouted suddenly, kicking the sand beneath their feet. The others had gone rigid at her sudden outburst.

"They _tortured_ him, and all he can talk about is going back so he doesn't hurt _us_ anymore. They _killed_ Connie, and still she wants to fight them. Still! The others want to stand here and _plan_? I don't want to go to the barn, I don't want to strategize, I want to go to Homeworld and rip Holly Blue Agate's gemstone out of her neck with my bare hands. I _want_ to feel White Diamond's shards in my _fist_." She was yelling, no doubt drawing the attention of Blue Pearl, and possibly even Greg at her current volume. Hopefully, Steven would not be able to hear within the house, but Pearl was very, _very_ upset.

Stunned by her sudden outburst, Amethyst blinked her eyes several times while trying to process. Glancing at Garnet, who was frowning and looking at the ground, Amethyst remained quiet while Pearl worked through her teeming anger.

"He is... he is so afraid. No wonder he didn't want to come home with us - no wonder he wants to go back. He asked me 'how' we could protect him - he thinks we've already lost. And haven't we? Haven't we? We _failed._ Both of them, Connie and Steven, once. The fact that he's here, alive, is a miracle, and Connie coming back to us was pure luck. But we are _out_ of second chances. If we don't act, and soon, then _she_ will. And if she does… They hurt him, they hurt… him… he's so young. They _hurt_ my baby." her voice started to weaken, turning from blistering rage into a shuddering sob. As quickly as she had started to yell, Pearl sank to her knees and started to cry in earnest. They hadn't heard him or seen the desperation in his eyes, felt him beg to be protected. How could they have let this happen? How could _she_ have let this happen to _him?_

And then Connie. Oh, Connie, how she still manages to surprise her. She's not yet thirteen and she has more grit than any of them, willing to defy her parents, her planet, her natural course as a human to draw a weapon in the name of her cause. And she _died._ How were they supposed to protect Steven and Connie from White Diamond if she truly did come after the Earth?

Garnet and Amethyst had come closer, hugging her and trying to calm her down, much like she had just done to Steven not an hour ago.

Amethyst tried to use this pause to her advantage. Looking up at Garnet, the purple gem made her voice gentle and reassuring. "Well then let's _do_ that Pearl. Let's act. Garnet, tell us what to do and we'll do it."

Garnet clenched her teeth together, however, and resisted the urge to yell at the both of them. Measuring her words carefully, she knelt a few inches away as Amethyst continued to comfort Pearl. "That's just it, though. The future isn't static anymore, or mysterious, or unclear. I can't find a single path in which Homeworld comes after us. I don't know how or why, but, if we stray from the current path we would open ourselves up to _more_ danger. I don't want to be calm, Pearl, but… right now, that's the best future we have. To do nothing."

Now Amethyst was the one who was miffed. "Wait, seriously? There's nothing we can do? Don't get me wrong, like, I didn't want to go to a full blown war and all that other stuff. I was thinking, you know, hide or send a strong message or something. I _still_ don't think war is a good idea, but, we're seriously supposed to do _nothing?_ Just try to go back to normal? Steven said some pretty… messed up stuff in there."

Flexing her fingers in and out of a fist, Garnet ground her teeth and nodded.

"I want to... _destroy_ Holly Blue Agate. You have _no_ idea _._ And maybe a better option will arise as Steven tells us more, but, right now we have to focus on his recovery. If something changes, I will tell you all immediately. I promise. But... right now, we have to focus on him, not on her, not on Homeworld, not on ourselves. Even if it's what I want..." she sighed heavily and started to stand.

"I'm sorry, Pearl." Garnet turned and walked towards the house without another word, obviously too wound up to continue the conversation civilly. Pearl had stopped crying at this point, so Amethyst just knelt next to her in the sand and bit her lip, listening to the waves and thinking hard about what Garnet had said.

"P? We should… probably get up. Go check on Steven or something…" Turning to the white gem, Amethyst found her looking at the ground with hardened eyes.

Voice quiet, Pearl's lips opened to speak. "What we _should_ do, Amethyst, is go to _war._ I know you weren't here the first time… but it was just like this. Just. Like. This."


	3. Woeful Education

"I'll go with you, Steven." Garnet surprised them all when she emerged from her room within the Temple and jumped into their conversation, as naturally as she had been with them the whole time. It was, in all honesty, a little disconcerting, causing Steven to cringe a little at the sudden announcement. In his defense, his nerves were still in tatters from a sleepless night.

After he and Pearl talked privately, he felt a little better, but he couldn't will himself to sleep no matter his exhaustion. The threat of White Diamond appearing in his brain was too present, and so this morning his mind felt dense from irregular sleep and his body weak from poor diet.

Morning crept in the house slowly, and he caught pieces of conversations that drifted their way into the house with the rise of the sun. At first, he caught a whisper of Amethyst, and then what he was sure was Pearl yelling, and once he could have _sworn_ he even heard Blue Pearl, but that seemed unlikely. Eventually, Dani came into the Temple, and figuring he was asleep, sat by the window silently. Not long after, Amethyst and Garnet went into their Temple rooms, and eventually Pearl came inside to join Danburite once the sun was fully up.

So when neither white gem seemed pleased with Steven's suggestion to go to the barn – although their reluctance was strictly out of concern for his health – they were all needlessly shocked when Garnet suddenly announced her approval of the idea, volunteering as chaperon.  
Adjusting her visor as they stared at her, she coyly smiled. "I assure you, Steven will be fine for an hour."

Steven was grateful for Garnet right then, because while he appreciated Pearl tending over him and Danburite constantly checking his pulse, temperature, and listening to his lungs, their cossetting was starting to make him feel a little claustrophobic. She gave him _the_ Garnet thumbs-up when he smiled at her, so made his way to the bathroom to change.

It was about 10 AM, and though the sun would be plenty hot by now, Steven opted for his favorite pink hoodie and jeans. All of them had seen his scars by now, but that didn't mean _he_ wanted to continue to see them. The hoodie was bulkier, too, so he at least thought it made him look a little less emaciated.

Pearl had said one day at a time - so for now that's what he would do. But as he brushed his teeth (which, he noted, he had never been so glad to do in his entire life), it was impossible not to wonder about White Diamond, Homeworld, the days ahead... Pearl seemed intent that he was here for good, and he wanted to believe her. He really, really did; the problem was, however, was always with the hand beyond the veil. White Diamond's intentions. She was a mystery, and no matter what she was planning, he knew it could not be good - was staying here what she wanted him to do? If so, should he go back to Homeworld and foil her plans? Or is that exactly what she wants him to do, to run from Earth of his own accord? Or does she know he would _think_ that's what she would want him to do, so he would stay behind, which is what she _actually_ wanted? It was an impossible train of thought. Studying his reflection in the bathroom mirror, Steven sighed and massaged his fists into the bags beneath his eyes.

He dressed slowly and exited the bathroom, moving to meet Garnet at the warp pad. Pearl fluttered nearby anxiously, and he guessed Dani had gone outside.

"Just, one hour, right Garnet?" Pearl held her hands together, looking at the fusion expectantly. Steven thought he picked up just a hint of anger in her tone, but he couldn't imagine why.

The fusion nodded, and put smiled down at Steven as he stepped onto the pad. "One hour."

Pearl watched them disappear into the bright beam of light, mouth set into a thin line as she was overcome with worries as they disappeared, but Garnet, Lapis, and Peridot would all be there – surely, they could keep him safe from any outside threats.

 _But... he was worried about the threats on the inside, not the outside. Could they protect him from that?_

Shaking her head at the thought, the lithe gem turned on her heel and went out of the house, looking over the balcony. Her eyes scanned the sand for only a few moments before she spotted Blue, kneeling delicately near the water's edge as the tides went out. A group of humans nearby were eyeing her strange appearance, but they did not bother her.

Pearl went out through the sand and stood next to her, the first time they've been truly alone since Blue arrived. Arms crossed, Pearl examined the glint of the sunny rays against the water, silent for a while.

"White," Blue said, looking up at her. Pearl turned her head down to meet her gaze, but her hair was blocking her eyes – as always, the white gem could not help but chide in her head.

Blue started to speak. "I don't feel like… I belong here." She was always honest, and Pearl respected that.

Nodding slowly, the white gem responded. "No, I don't suspect you would."

Her words weren't intended as hurtful, and Blue did not seem offended. It was the truth. Blue moved her gaze back to the sea, thinking.

"Though, I have to admit, Pink was right. It is beautiful here."

"Yes," Pearl acknowledged, but said nothing else.

Blue Pearl moved a hand around the sand gently, her nimble fingers tracing clear lines through the gritty texture beneath them.

"It is ironic, isn't it?" She looked up at Pearl. "You were the only one who had the foresight to get away, and now, your Diamond is the only one that remains." Her tone was trite, drained, empty.

Pearl sighed and sat down next to her in the sand, holding one knee to her chest. "It's not ironic at all, Blue. You know that."

She lowered her head. "I-I know… It just makes it hurt a little less if I convince myself that it wasn't always destined to be like this."

Frowning, Pearl thought about what Blue said. It was not a coincidence or ironic in any way; it was simply the tragic track of fate catching up to them. They had each been made _for_ their Diamond, to serve in their image as the perfect accessory. Pearl had been the one to get away _because_ she was made in her Diamond's image, strategic and cunning – just as Blue was sensitive and prude, like Blue Diamond, and Yellow was strong-headed and fierce like her Diamond. Pink was... a bit of an enigma. They had never gotten to know her very well, well enough to really _get_ her before she was shattered, but she always struck Pearl as curious and severe. From her knowledge of Pink Diamond, that seemed to be an accurate reflection of her character.

"I don't know if you can stay here, Blue. It's not that I don't want you to, I think you know how I feel about that, but I truly don't think you _can_. I'm sorry you had to hear my outburst last night, but it was the truth. It's… just a different world here. No pun intended." Blue's lips were pursued, and she said nothing, so Pearl took that as a sign to continue.

"We are figuring things out on our end, what we will do about Homeworld, and Yellow, and Danburite, and Steven. There's… a lot of moving parts. For now, you are welcome here – it was Rose's message from the start. Anyone who wants to call this planet home, so long as they mean the Earth no harm, is free to do so, but I want you to be prepared for when things escalate. Because I assure you, they _will_. I don't know definitively what that will look like. If you're still here when things come to blows, and you raise a blade against them, you are with us. If you don't… well," Pearl smiled sardonically.

"I'm sure you can figure out the rest."

Being alone with Garnet for the first time felt… odd. Maybe it was just because so much had happened, but he had a million questions about the future that bubbled at his lips, and all of them failed to form around his tongue. As they walked from the warp pad to the barn, Garnet seemed to pick up on his worries.

"Steven, is there something you want to tell me?" Her voice was perfectly calm, as if he had not just been gone for a month.

He put his hands in the pockets of his hoodie, turning the question over in his head. "Yes, but, I don't know how to say it."

She nodded knowingly. "Is it about the future?"

 _Yes._

"No," he chuckled. "It's about the past, actually."

Garnet stopped walking and knelt down to face him – he wouldn't meet her gaze though, looking off to the hills in the distance. "You want to know what happened once you left."

He tilted his head at her for a moment, too enticed by the prospect of teasing her. "Hey, that's cheating, I didn't even get to ask yet!"

She smirked and rustled his hair lovingly. "Oh, Steven, you know I can't help it. Do you want to go see Lapis and Peridot first, or do you want to talk now?"

They still had one more hill to cross over before the barn would be visible, so Steven opted for the former opportunity since they were already on the topic.

He sat crossed-legged on the grass and Garnet sat next to him, facing the same direction.

After a pause, enjoying the peaceful breeze and the warmth of Earth's sun on his face, Steven let out a low sigh.

"So… what happened? How much were you able to see, from Earth? I know future visions not perfect all the time."

Garnet stroked her chin thoughtfully. "Well, that's an interesting part of the story. When you… left, we had been fighting a corrupted gem under the ocean. It was sort of a mess, and Ruby and Sapphire got split up."

Steven gasped – he knew Ruby and Sapphire weren't literally inseparable, but he had never seen them come apart from a battle.

She nodded at his surprise.

"It gets worse. Sapphire was poofed, and Ruby, well… you can probably imagine." The fusion was looking between her palms, remembering how desperate they had been when they first flew apart. It was odd to think it was only a month ago – she felt a hundred years older.

"When Sapphire reformed, we stayed apart for several days. To answer your question, I _did_ see things from Earth, most of what happened leading up to when you arrived on Homeworld." She closed her hands into fists, angry and disappointed that she hadn't been able to stop it all beforehand.

Steven was looked at his own hands, remembering the first time they had formed Opalite, the blue that stretched across his skin familiar and foreign at the same time. He figured Garnet _must_ have known because the others had brought it up when they crossed paths in the Kindergarten, but hearing it made him feel ashamed. He hadn't been sure until now.

It felt like Opalite was whispering in his ears that very moment, so Steven squeezed his eyes shut and managed to struggle through his next question.

"Garnet, did I… am I a _bad_ person? I don't know what I did wrong, but she… I don't know how, but, I-I feel like ever since that day, so many things have gone wrong. If I just resisted, or tried harder, I – " But she cut him off by placing a hand on his shoulder, the touch firm but kind.

"Steven, stop. You…" she took a deep breath, and with her free hand, Garnet pulled off her visor. All three of her eyes were focused on him, and he hadn't seen her hurting this much since he left for Korea.

"G-Garnet…" Steven said, voice quiet. He immediately felt bad for bringing it up at all.

"Steven, you shouldn't feel a single ounce of guilt for _anything_ that's happened… but of course you would. You're the kindest, most compassionate person – gem, or human – I have ever known. You didn't deserve to be taken, or to be hurt, or to be made to fuse against your will. I know… there are things about this that will never heal, never go away. But please, Steven, you have to believe me when I say it's not your fault." She grabbed his chin and turned his head to face her, forcing him to look at her. Garnet had never seen his eyes harboring so much sadness.

"It's _not_ your fault. You can't blame yourself for not resisting, because you never could have seen it coming. It was wrong for them to take advantage of you, but that's exactly what they did, Steven. It wasn't you, it was _them_."

Her face softened as tears started to form around the corners of his eyes – it took her a moment to realize a spring of wetness had appeared on her own cheeks.

"I wish I could have protected you then. I'm sorry we weren't there to stop it, but I'm not nearly as sorry as I am that this happened at all. The choice you made back in the Kindergarten was brave, and yet, so unfair. You should never have had to make that choice, and the fact that you were put in that position is the fault of Homeworld… Ah," she craned her head over one shoulder, and after a brief pause, Peridot could be heard yelling over the hillside. It sounded like she was shouting for Lapis, which made them both chuckle.

Garnet replaced her visor and knelt so they were nearly at eye level. Steven rubbed the back of his hand across his cheek to wipe away a stray tear.

"We better go check that out. But, first, I want you to promise me something Steven."

He let out a low breath to steady himself, nodding.

"Steven, you have to promise me you won't go back to Homeworld. I know you're thinking about it, because there's more than a handful of possibilities in which you try to do so. You don't need to feel ashamed for it. After what you told us last night, I understand you're trying to protect us. But White Diamond is on Homeworld, not here. She's there, and _you're_ here. There are only two ways you will cross-paths again - she will come to Earth to find you, or you will go back to Homeworld to find her. Please, promise me, you won't do that."

Looking at his feet, Steven wanted to make that promise, but he had his doubts. "B-but, Garnet, it's not that simple. I know you see the future, but she's _different_. It's like time doesn't even apply to her - like she could have already done something that will make it so I _have_ to go back, I may not even have a choice..."

Garnet placed a gentle hand on top of his head. "Maybe so, Steven, but we each control our own destiny. She does not control you, and talking like that gives her control over you. If she comes to you in another dream, or something changes, we need to know what's happening so we can protect you, and if you're gone, we won't be able to do that. Think about it this way - your mother was able to fight off an entire army with very few gems because she, _we_ , controlled the circumstances. The war was here, so we were able to set the traps, control the grounds, move strategically, break warp pads, use the light canons... Going back to Homeworld would be like walking into the lion's den with nothing but a broom to fight with. Do you understand?"

She held his shoulders firmly as she explained, so he nodded. "I... understand," Steven said slowly.

"There is just one more thing - I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be difficult," his eyes darkened, but Garnet placed a hand on his cheek lovingly with a small smile. He did not return the gesture, but he appreciated her trying, so he looked down and started to roll up the sleeve on his left arm. "But if you only saw what happened up until Homeworld... there's, well... this."

Her gaze followed his and she stiffened at the sight - he knew she couldn't help it, but it made him feel awful to brandish his markings. They were like an emblem of dissent, a rude finger waging in his face reminding him that he was, in fact, _under_ her control.

"This... is why I actually wanted to come to see Peridot. Dani never said anything about this in all the times she's examined, so I don't know if she knows what it is, and I don't know why but it felt wrong to ask her. I can't explain it... it just feels very Homeworld tech-y? If that makes sense? But... Garnet, she _can_ control me. I don't know if she can do it from Earth, but she's taken control of my arm before. That's the white stuff. She's... she's made me _do_ things. Bad things." He closed his eyes, abating the threat of tears once again.

"And then there's the yellow stuff, too," Steven sighed, sounding fifty years older than his fourteen years. "That's the painful one... you guys probably heard it, now that I think about it, in the Kindergarten. It's spread the farthest, look," he pulled up the sleeve further, and it was true - the branching yellow rivers of Homeworld's dominance was clear as day all the way up to his shoulder, but the pain had gone even further than his skin revealed. It had reached his gem on two occasions, and those were the most gut-wrenching, heart-stopping, mind-fracturing moments of pain in his entire life. Lightly, his eye twitched at the memory.

"What if her control can go further than my arm? It started there but if the yellow one can spread, then... it's not just a battle of wills, Garnet. I feel like it's just, her way, and if I'm lucky I can try to, like, change the terms a bit? I guess? That's... that's why I did so many stupid things, that's why I..." he tensed in her grip and his voice dropped to a whisper.

" _That's_ why I fused with her. It was bad, Garnet, I... I _wanted_ to fuse, and not just to save you. That's why I feel bad, not just because the first time, but I wanted to be Opalite again. It... I wanted to because I thought it would give me leverage, that I could at least change things a little bit, but..."

Steven stopped talking when arms wrapped around him, holding him tightly and warmly but the feeling it made just left him feeling even more empty. Quiet and, frankly, a bit disturbed, Garnet was truly speechless as she held him - she had spoken to Peridot about the "re-conditioning" of gems after the war, but she had never imagined it was like this. Literal physical reprogramming - and by the looks of it, it had taken root in Steven's organic body with relative effectiveness.

 _I...what... can I?_

 _Ruby? Are you... okay?_

 _N-no, Sapphire. I don't think I'm okay. Not at all._

 _..._

 _I'm sorry._

 _We need to say something, we're making it worse._

 _I didn't mean for this to happen, I just thought it would help, but -_

 _What are we supposed to say?_

 _Sapphire?_

 _..._

It took all of her force of will to stop from coming unfused at that moment, an aching disharmony rooting in her heart. Right now, she needed to keep the team together, but she could hardly keep herself together.

Greg heard voices outside the van, and the heat inside told him it must be at least midday, so he rubbed the remainder of sleep from his eyes and cracked open the back doors.

"Yeah?" He asked, voice still thick from sleep.

"G'morning, Gregory." It was Amethyst, her voice its usual nonchalance. He smiled at her, but he thought she seemed a little off. In fact, he had thought that since she yelled at them at the barn yesterday morning, but everyone else seemed content to let it go. Steven coming back was a huge deal to them all, and Amethyst _did_ seem happy to see him, but that didn't take away what she had said.

"Hey Ame, eeha oh, h-hey, there." His voice went up in surprise to find the white gem that arrived with Steven standing next to Amethyst. She seemed even more severe than Pearl most of the time, which unnerved Greg.

He chuckled and rubbed the back of his head, opening the doors fully. "It's, uh, Danburtite? Did I say that right?"

The purple gem immediately started cackling at his mistake, and Greg couldn't help but flush a bit. He wasn't great with names, but the white gem did not seem offended.

"Danbur- _ite_ , actually. Although Steven calls me Dani, and that too, is fine." She tilted her head to one side and examined the inside of the van, making Greg feel a little self-conscious. There was something weird about this new gem – not bad, just, odd. He couldn't put his finger on it.

The intensity of her stare did not lessen, which Amethyst seemed to notice, so she jumped in mercifully. "Pff, Steven is unoriginal. I can come up with a dozen names, Dansbury, Danburt, Dan-ite, Danamite (like dynamite!). That's just what I got off the top of my head."

Turning around, the purple gem leapt up to sit on the side of the van. The now many-nicknamed-gem pressed her lips together, but said nothing.

"Hmm, what about just, Dan? Or, oh, I've got one. I met a guy back when I toured named Danny, but, he always had us call him Dans. Dunno why, but I liked it."

Dani considered seriously, holding her cheek with one hand while the other one crossed her chest. "I still think I prefer Dani, but, I appreciate the thought."

Greg opened his mouth to say something, but Amethyst jumped in.

"What _ever_ , I'll call you Dans. I think it's cool." She winked at him, which was unusually kind of her.

Danburite seemed preoccupied with something else. "Steven woke up, but he needed to go to 'the barn.' The domicile of the Lapis Lazuli and the Peridot, as I understand it."

That made Greg frown, a little hurt that Steven still hasn't come to talk to him, but he tried not to take it personally. This was all of the crazy magical stuff in his life coming to an apex, so he would try to be patient while Steven worked through this. From what the others have told him, which he knew was subject to plenty of omitted details, Steven had been hurt pretty severely – physically and emotionally. It made him shudder to think about what they _didn't_ tell him.

"Hmm," Dani said. She looked curious, sounded curious, and was acting the part.

Amethyst rolled her eyes and scoffed. " _What_ is it? You can just, like, say what you're thinking on Earth. You don't have to wait for someone to ask you."

Dani winced slightly at the bite in her tone, but relaxed a bit at her command. "I apologize. I was just wondering… what _is_ this? Why are you sitting in it?"

Looking around him, Greg remembered the Gems had the same set of questions for him when they first met. It wasn't an unusual line of inquiry for someone new to Earth.

"Oh, it's uh, well it's called a 'van.' It's like a car – do you know what a car is?"

She shook her head.

Greg raised a hand to his forehead, thinking – yes, she must have been _very_ concerned as to why they were relaxing around a giant piece of metal.

He cleared his throat. "Well, on Earth, we need to move around to get things like food or go places, since we can't warp like you guys. So we have 'cars,' which are like spaceships, except they don't move through the air, just along the surface of the planet with wheels. With me so far?"

Nodding, the white gem knelt down – indeed, this vehicle had wheels. She noted that the purple gem laid back into the 'van,' seemingly uninterested in the conversation.

"So, a 'van' is a lot like a 'car', but it's just… bigger. I can use the back of it to lay down in, or to eat in, or use as a place to make music. It's like a human house, or 'domicile' but smaller. Or, it's like a regular car, but bigger."

Amethyst shot up, laughing. "It's a fusion, oh my god. _Oh my god_ , I just now realized."

She cackled in the back of the van, holding her stomach.

"Greg _lives_ in a fusion between a house and a car. How did I not realize that sooner?"

The human and white gem exchanged a serious look while Amethyst laughed, and to Greg's surprise, the gem from the Zoo started to laugh very lightly too. She seemed even less humorous than Lapis, if that was possible, so watching her catch up with the purple gem's joke was odd, and kind of nice, so he joined in too.

Things were finally starting to feel normal around Beach City… well, Greg admitted, things were never _normal_ around Beach City, but there was a certain fog attached to the town that seemed to evaporate once Steven left, and now it the clouds opened to a cool rain, washing the shores with welcome relief.

After their laughter died down, the white gem turned away and looked away. She was consumed with another train of thought, considering Earth humor and the strange customs of these planet-bound humans. Her humans at the Zoo were quite different indeed.

Greg turned to Amethyst, opting for a new subject. "So, what brings you down here? Just wanted to make jokes about an old man's van?"

The purple gem snickered lightly, but her face became drawn. "No, I wanted to talk, actually. And I found this one lingering outside the van," she jerked her thumb towards Danburite, who paid them no mind.

The man readjusted in the back of the van, fishing out his guitar and started to tune it. "Fair enough. So," he strummed to the tune of an old song and sang the tune. "What can I do for you?"

He had meant it as a joke, but Amethyst immediately became uncomfortable; it was obvious from her body language. She crossed her legs neatly and held her arms across her chest, looking away – the usually rambunctious gem was never so reticent.

He started to work on a different chord progression, waiting for her to answer. Absently, Greg wondered what he might say to Steven when his son finally comes around to talking to him, trying to prepare for the worst things he could imagine in hopes that he would be relieved rather than disappointed.

"I just, ugh, I dunno," Amethyst began, shifting awkwardly. "It's about Steven. You're usually real with me, but it's weird since you're his dad. He told us some… _stuff_ last night that he'll probably tell you about, and Garnet and Pearl are all worrying over him – which, it's fine, I get it. He's been through a lot, but…" she groaned, leaning her head back and looking at the roof of the van.

"We all never finished the conversation from yesterday, and this changes everything. I'm _glad_ he's okay, really, I didn't _want_ to leave him behind," Amethyst went on the defensive when Greg tensed at her words, brow drawn in anger. He stopped playing his guitar, and Dani had turned back to observe the conversation.

"Just, like, you never got to say your part. What do you think we should do? He's your kid, and now it's more about keeping him safe than going and getting him back. But _how_ in the heck do we _do_ that?"

Taking a deep breath, Greg tried to release a little of his annoyance into the air – he could see where Amethyst was coming from, so he tried not to take offense, but this was his son she was talking about. It was a selfish perspective, but there was some truth to what she was saying.

"I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to…" the purple gems voice trailed off, and she sprung up to go away. She really did sound apologetic.

"W-wait, Amethyst. It's okay." Greg could not keep all of the acid out of his tone, but he tried. It was obvious this was tough for her to talk about, and the fact that she came to _him_ meant it really must have been bothering her.

To their joint surprise, Danburite jumped in. "What conversation were you having yesterday?"

Amethyst huffed, but answered. "We were talking about what comes next, you know? You didn't think you and Gloomy Pearl would just show up and that would be the end of it?"

Dani frowned. "No, of course not."

"Well, now we have to deal with this junk. A lot can happen in a few hours, and I'm going to be _pissed_ if we went through all of that, you guys got him to Earth, and then the Diamonds come knocking on our front door and demanding we give him back, cause there's _no way_ I would give him back, but they aren't just gonna turn around and leave. Pearl was talking about a _war_."

 _That_ seemed to alarm the white gem, who bowed her head, examining her fingers.

"I suppose that would not be very good."

A little sharper than she intended, Amethyst snapped at her. "No, I _suppose_ not."

Greg had gone back to plucking the strings of his old guitar, processing all that the purple gem had said, swallowing the desire to be angry with her. He really did not like the sound of a war, but if that's what it meant to keep his son alive… Was that selfish of him?

Rose had never told him much of the first time, just that a lot of people she cared for were lost. A lot of people had died the first time - humans _and_ gems.

"Ugh…" Greg eventually grumbled out. No wonder Amethyst had been on edge; he had never thought about things in these terms. As a father, Greg wanted nothing more than to be absolutely thrilled that his son had returned, but it was obvious things weren't going to be that simple. All things come at a price.

He stopped playing the music. "I guess it's hard for me to say, given that I don't know everything, but my instincts are telling me another war is... a bad idea. I mean, obviously, no war is _good_ , but... I just have a bad vibe. I don't know."

Amethyst nodded and returned to sit next to him in the van, leaning over the edge. "Exactly. And Lapis was yelling last night at Dans because she wanted to ask Steven what he wants, but..."

Greg even scoffed at that. "Oh, no, he'll want to go back. That's obvious."

Now it was Danburite's turn to be confused. The top of a thin eyebrow could be seen peeking above her visor, and her mouth turned down to a frown. "Why would he do that, though? He was saying the same thing on the way back. I don't understand - he belongs here, it is obvious - and he will only endure more suffering on Homeworld."

The purple gem eyed Greg nervously, not exactly appreciating Dani's candor with the whole "his-son-was-just-tortured" thing, but it's not like a Homeworld gem to be sensitive to human issues, either.

And Greg was appropriately alarmed - _suffering_ was not exactly the word he wanted to hear associated with his son.

After a pause, it was Amethyst who answered. "You didn't know Rose. If you did, you would get it."

Greg looked at her in surprise and gratitude - it was exactly what he had been thinking. Anyone who knew Rose, and then knew Steven, knew that they would never ask others to put themselves in danger for them, even if it was the smarter choice for everyone. "Bleeding hearts," people used to call them in the '90s.

Dani sighed and oddly sat down on the ground - they would have made room for her in the van, but perhaps she did not want to sit in a "van." Either way, she held her knees to her chest and spoke softly and evenly, her voice surprisingly sincere behind her usual monotone.

"No, actually, I do get it. I did not know Rose Quartz, but I have heard the stories. It was an erroneous question - I apologize. He simply frustrates me. He does not behave in a biologically correct way - humans are not designed to willingly put themselves in the path of danger. But I suppose he is not human, is he?"

Amethyst and the boy's father exchanged a look before she continued. "I wish he had listened to me the first time - I told him, you know, that self sacrifice is _not_ noble. And I believe that, though he stubbornly disagrees. There is a difference between necessary and noble, and it has never gotten to the point of necessity to put himself in danger, so therefore, I can only conclude he does it out of a sense of heroism. But he is like the Aristotelian motif, to use a comparison of your culture," she smiled at Greg and nodded in a way of understanding.

And bless Daniburite's heart, because neither Amethyst nor Greg had any idea what she was talking about now, so the attempt to connect fell on deaf ears. But they gathered from her tone that she was trying to sympathize, so Greg gave her an appreciative grin and strummed his guitar lightly, thinking.

Mostly in jest, Greg made his voice serious and sent a wink to the purple gem. "You sure know a lot about humans to know absolutely nothing about humanity, you know."

Danburite's head shot up indignantly, but the two in the van started to roar with laughter - ah, yes, more Earth humor. Wryly, she joined in their laughter, confused but she tried her hand at the 'back-and-forth' comedy. "Well, you sure know a lot about... _Gems_ to not be one."

All of them became still before absolutely bursting with giggles, even Dani, pleased with her successful joke. It wasn't really funny, not in the way that Greg's joke was, but that only made it all the more hilarious to Amethyst.

"Oh, man, Dans. _That_ was just what I needed."

Peridot dragged him by the arm, by what probably would have been too roughly by Pearl's standards, but Pearl was not here and Steven actually sort of liked it. Since he had been back, he felt like Peridot was the only one who wasn't treating him like a gentle snowflake – even Amethyst had seemed off when she first talked to him.

"Okay, okay, sit here. No, like _here_ , are you dense?" The green gem positioned him on top of a precarious pile of hay and chairs inside the barn, sitting in front of the tractor that Peridot so loved for her crops.

Lapis was leaning against a beam, and she rolled her eyes. "Peridot, I think _you_ might be the one who's dense. This isn't really necessary."

The green gem continued to hurry around, moving things in strange places, acknowledging Lapis' comment. "You're probably right, but that's okay. Let's see, okay, okay, I think this is perfect."

Steven just watched her curiously, Garnet standing at the entrance to the barn with her head tilted to one side, observing the green madness within.

She had made a pile of… well, Steven wasn't sure exactly. Junk, mostly? Broken meep-morps he recognized, some parts from the drill, maybe some scraps from the insta-oven Pearl and Peridot had built for their little party with Uncle Andy. But, really, it just looked like junk.

"Okay, now Steven, I must ask that you shut your eyes." Peridot's voice was all business, so he wordlessly complied.

Then Lapis chimed in, which surprised him. "Steven, I want you to picture something. Think of… hmm… what is something you think is cool?"

That wasn't exactly what he was expecting, so he racked his brain. Maybe it was because he was put on the spot, but he couldn't think of anything that wasn't literal.

"A snowman?"

A pause.

"Okay, that works. Think about a snowman, Steven, and count to ten. Ready?" Lapis' voice went up just a tiny bit, and now he was starting to get nervous. What was going on? Was she going to make it snow? Actually, that kind of sounds nice.

"One, two, three…" he started to count out loud, like he was playing hide and seek.

Peridot giggled quietly in the background.

"Four, five, six…"

Steven was feeling a little nauseous, a buzzing starting to rise in his ears as he heard the softness of footsteps against dirt.

"Seven, eight… nine…"

"Ah."

Steven's eyes flew open, and everything had changed. There was a violent shift, and the world started to transform and mutate sickeningly. The red walls of the barn melted like superheated metal, collecting into a gray puddle on the ground, only to evaporate into a thick vapor that swirled around his vision. He felt like he was falling through the ground, the air rushing through his hair and between his fingertips. Steven watched, mute, as all tangible substances began to dissociate, fluidly uncoupling and reforming around him. One moment he had been falling backwards, but now he was standing upright, wasn't he? The mist made everything distorted, so his senses felt obscured, and then came the flood.

Almost immediately, a rushing water filled the void, moving around ankles, then up to his torso, quickly entering his lungs and pulling him through the other side of the reality, like he had been brought through a mirror, and everything was remade around him.

Steven was panting heavily on his hands and knees, squeezing his eyes shut as he tried to regain his wits. Coughing tersely, Steven felt the back of his throat ignite with every inhale and exhale, his lungs regaining air in violent gasps.

Slowly, he opened his eyes, and looked at the floor beneath him.

It was white.


	4. Two Worlds

"Welcome back, Steven."

 _No, no, no no no – I can't be here. Not again._

"I told you, you wouldn't be gone very long – don't act so surprised." White Diamond leaned her head against a closed fist, supported by an elbow resting on the arm of her chair. She looked as magnificent as she did when they first met, her massive throne outlined by the darkness of the universe behind her – the clear wall that opened into space contrasting brilliantly against the white room, making her look all the more powerful and divine.

In a word, she was superlative. Consequently, her ever-staggering impression was totally lost on Steven.

To be fair, he couldn't have looked up at her if he tried; his body felt like it weighed a thousand pounds, and it was exerting all of his effort to stay conscious. Starring at his hands against the marble-white floor, Steven pressed his fingers into the familiar cold surface that he had knelt on many times before, trying to will himself to phase through it, to believe that it wasn't real.

 _A dream. She's in my head – not real. It's not real, it can't be real._

"I was hoping you might have the foresight to avoid the 'reunion' with the rebels altogether. I do not need to be the one to tell you – the longer you stay, the less willing they will be to let you go. But I suppose I am to blame for having high standards – of course you would return to them, blinded as you are by your sentimentality." Her voice made the air grow colder, and Steven felt himself shaking.

It was too much – he couldn't breathe, he couldn't move. He felt like he was trapped on the other side of a chain-link fence – he could see his life on the other side, but the barrier was too tall and the metal wires would cut his skin if he tried to climb.

Quietly, heard her shift in her chair, so he braced himself by tensing his muscles and squeezing his eyes together – and then, he was floating. She had bubbled him again and brought him to face her, her eyes narrowed to dangerous slits.

"I thought I told you once already – I _do not_ like to repeat myself. If you are here, you are to respond appropriately."

All Steven could do was open his mouth and choke on the sounds that started to spill out.

"y'm- mnd." Really, they weren't words at all, just mumbled air that had somehow sounded like an acknowledgment.

The corner of White Diamond's mouth twitched in irritation; she reminded herself that Earth seemed to make all life forms intrinsically dramatic. He would need to learn to get over it.

She stood from her seat and held him carefully in one hand, moving around her throne room until she came to a stop, holding Steven inches away from her personal window to the cosmos. It was a true spectacle by any accounts, but she had eyes only for him.

Tilting her head to one side, she studied him with a faultlessly innocuous expression on her face. There was a way about her eyes, the slight flicker as they moved from his head to his toes… they didn't just see, they didn't even shine – they _blazed_ , consuming the oxygen like a white flame, dangerous and stunning in the most horrible of ways. They took the breathable air out of the very atmosphere, making his lungs feel dry and empty. Locked in her gaze, Steven felt his brain go from a steady stream of consciousness to a weak, useless buzzing.

How could he have gone from being safely held by Garnet to _this_? Had the Gems really thought he would be safe from her? Did _he_ really let himself fool himself into believing that?

She seemed to be consider a similar query, although she was much less surprised. To Steven's relief, she moved her stare to the darkness beyond, shrouded in a reflective pause.

"You made quite a show in the Kindergarten, proving yourself. Was it for naught, Steven? Have you already so quickly lost sight of the promises you made?" Her voice was a dagger, threateningly tracing lines against the skin around his throat. Her entire presence was the manifest of malevolence, and Steven felt foolish for letting his guard down.

"One thing does remain a mystery to me – perhaps you could provide some clarity. Why might such an entirely unexceptional colony continue to draw my subjects into sedition? What is it about the _Earth_ that endows my subjects with such a false sense of security?"

After a brief stillness, the matriarch lifted him higher and turned her head to face him.

"Why do you think that is, Steven?"

Needless to say, Steven had no idea how to respond. "Um… I… I-I don't know. W-we, I… Earth is…"

White Diamond arched an eyebrow, waiting. Steven gulped hard on his acrid throat, trying to form the words.

"Earth is… different. It's n-not like Homeworld. It's more than just… more than just… _purpose_. Everything here is designed to _do_ something. Earth isn't… it isn't like that. It's not as efficient or streamlined as here... everything here is about being… right, but Earth is more about being happy." Steven hugged his arms across his chest, nervous, afraid, and terribly cold. He had only been away for maybe a full day and he had already forgotten how frigid a world this was.

To his relief, White Diamond turned her gaze back to the empty void, pursing her lips, studying something far beyond the white room or the black space. She did not, at least, seem angry.

Steven floated quietly in the bubble for several minutes, enjoying the moment of peace – typically he did not have such stillness in her company. He was more accustomed to the constant pushing and shoving towards her next cryptic agenda, waiting with bated breath as to whatever she wanted to him to do next. Right now, at least, she seemed preoccupied with something greater than him – to which he was relieved.

"Ah," she whispered softly. It was a surprisingly tender sound for her, so Steven followed her eyes to land on a moving star – or was it a comet? – blue and beautiful as it arched past the glorious emptiness of space.

"Earth makes them happy, you say? That is an… interesting thought. But I wonder, how does one measure happiness? How do you quantify a feeling?" She watched the tail of the celestial projectile zoom further across the darkness, the massive window giving them a wide view of the star's journey.

Steven was genuinely surprised – did she really _care_ for her subject's happiness? That was hard for him to believe, but a question was a question, and he knew plenty well he was expected to respond.

"Um… I think that's the point, m-my Diamond. Happiness isn't supposed to be quantified – at least, that's how it's seen on Earth. It just is, or it isn't."

Eyes following the blue-tailed cosmic fire as it arched through space, White Diamond considered what the boy said. Like most things, measurements are predicated by a relative scale for comparison. Truly, a 'measurement' is not an exact figure, but an assessment, an arbitrary value assigned to one subject in relation to another subject. But what if the metric is esoteric? Is happiness an intrinsic quality of Earth, or is an extrinsic quality attributed to Earth by comparing the colony to another colony?

White Diamond murmured to herself, forgetting Steven entirely for a moment. "What is good, and what is not good… need we anyone to tell us these things?"

Is a feeling the means, or is it the end? The irony that these were the same questions that irked Pink thousands of years ago, only for her now to wonder them, was not lost on her. Something about these Earthlings, truly.

 _Antipositional planning…_

Steven glanced up at her, and she shifted the hand supporting him to hold her chin, her other arm held across her chest – she was certainly thoughtful about something, but he dare not interrupt her. Instead, he was resigned to idle floating. Was he back for good? She said he was running out of time – for what? Would he wake up again, or had the whole stint on Earth been a dream? Honestly, he wondered why he even bothered questioning anything anymore – nothing really made sense. It was her world, her time, her agenda, her her _her_.

White Diamond began to pace, much like she had miles below the surface, back in the darkness of the Kindergarten. It was a wicked thing to behold, her grand strides clearing the room easily, obviously wrapped up in her own schema for a time.

"Steven, I would ask you to challenge your assumptions for a moment. You consider me evil, and I – oh, spare me your pretext," she said when he looked alarmed, ready to go on the defensive.

"I can sense these things. It is curious, though, when you consider the _facts_ , Steven. Think about it – did _I_ order that Heliodor and Apatite to take you from your home? Was I the one who sent that Agate to fuse with you? I declared the war a loss – left the Earth to its own devices – millennia ago. I healed you, protected you, fostered your powers, but somehow, you refuse to see reality as it is placed at your feet. I am not evil, though your Crystal Gems would argue otherwise. We – you and I –exist in a different plane than them, in which time is a tool and answers are attainable. The universe does not exist in absolutes; to believe otherwise is merely a condition that reflects the weakest part of our kind – gem _or_ human."

Steven felt a certain hollowness radiating from his chest, spreading through the rest of his body, wanting to – as she said – refuse the reality before him. But it was all true; he was naturally inclined to believe she was, well… evil. His whole life had been built around the duality of the forces of good and bad: The Crystal Gems are good, and corrupted monsters are bad. But, monsters turned out to be gems to, so is that really true? He didn't view Centipeetle as bad…

Worse yet, the longer he's known her, the less clear these lines have become. Arbitrary, false, fallacious – his reality had been built around certain expectations, and she erased the distinctions that gave his whole life order. Was his mother still "good" after having shattered Pink Diamond? Was _he_ bad for shattering a Rose Quartz? Was White Diamond good for having let his family go, back beneath the Kindergarten? Was the rule, the plot, the game, the punishment all necessary evils, or was she simply flexing her power as a reprehensible tyrant?

Biting his lip, Steven carefully vocalized his confusion.

"I… well, I just… don't understand. What does it matter what I think? My Diamond." He tagged on the last part, not wanting to sound insubordinate. That was something he had learned plenty well she did not appreciate.

"Steven – consider, for a moment, my position. Your… _Crystal_ Gems," the words made her lip curl, with disdain or disgust he couldn't tell. More than likely, it was both.

"Their fidelities were made clear when your mother initiated the war. Now, your group is preparing to declare a second state of warfare – but you look surprised? Surely you must have realized?"

No, he had _not_ realized. White Diamond found that very amusing, though she tempered her tone with derision.

"Oh. Well. I am glad I have this chance to speak with you, then. Sometimes the players are irrational to a fault, so predictable that it is unpredictable." She sighed and approached him slowly, bending so her face was level with his bubble.

"Still, for them to value you so much, I would have at least expected them to be honest with you," her brows came together, feigning sympathy. Steven was too surprised to do much else but absorb her words, turning them over, biting his tongue at the urge to deny it. He did not have sufficient time to process before she was speaking again.

 _Gambit._

"As I was saying, I ask you consider my position. I sent you to the colony for a handful of reasons – one of which is to deal with this needless hostility. The rebels will never fail to see me as their enemy; to stop another unnecessary war, I ask you act as a sort of… diplomat. How had the cross-fusion put it… _we each control our own destiny_? Wise advice, indeed – her Sapphire was showing there. If the traitors are resolved to start another war, I welcome the opportunity to stomp them into the dirt, but I have scoured enough resources on the band of misfits already. Time is precious, and they are wasting mine. If they choose to remain forgotten on their forgotten colony, then all the better," her mouth had become very thin, a line of disapproval dividing her malign visage.

"Things would have been much easier for you, and likely far less painful for them, if you had simply let them die the first time. Again, I tried to give you this chance once already, and you squandered it. But while you are on Earth, you have another chance - let inertia run its course and maybe they will start the war, and we can finally put this chapter behind us. Maybe, with the proper state of mind, they will forfeit or forget, and it would be just as well."

Steven's face had become a mask of confusion as he tried to process what she was saying. Was it a trick to get them to stand down? The Gems had beaten back Homeworld before… but then, this all relied on the fact that the Gems did indeed intend to declare a war, and at no point did that come up as a viable option.

Slowly, Steven pieced together a reasonable line of questioning. "If I am… able to get them to stop, what would happen next?"

She nodded, pleased he was finally thinking ahead rather than stuck in the present. "I sent you to the Earth colony with an objective in mind, so do not let their homespun affront take too much of your attention. You will recover the shards of Pink Diamond and return to Homeworld with them. I care not how you do it."

A small part of him might have bothered to be indignant if he was not so surprised by her sudden transparency. "P-Pink Diamond? I… I didn't even know her shards were on Earth…"

Steven twisted his fingers together nervously – it did make sense, now that he thought about – she had been shattered there after all.

He was starting to give himself a headache.

Smirking, White Diamond lifted his bubble high into the air, so she could stand upright and still address him. "Alas, even I do not know what became of her. I'm sure my old Pearl or the cross-fusion will know what your mother did with her. Find her, and bring her to me."

Gripping his bubble like a tiny prize, she began to stroll the length of the room. Her voice oscillated between deadly and amused, which somehow made her all the more horrible.

Steven gasped when his vision changed again, although this was much less disturbing than before. Unbeknownst to him, White Diamond had escorted him to the warp pad, and they were boosted through the cold propulsion of space-time in a familiar blue light. Hadn't he just done this with Garnet an hour ago?

And they were back – back at the top of the magnificent citadel, overlooking Homeworld in a beautiful yet horrifying way. It looked like the entire world had been blanketed in a fresh coat of snow, the air cold enough to match, but Steven knew the coloration ran deeper than a dusting across the surface. There was something about this that was wrong – so, so wrong.

"T-The… Infinity Spire…"

"Yes," White Diamond acknowledge, peering over the edge of the aptly named obelisk, like a spear that threatened to tear open the sky.

Steven felt a sharp ringing in his ears, like nails against a chalkboard nestled deep within his brain. The mounting pressure had turned each new thought into a tug and twist of his consciousness, and he had started to grow dizzy.

 _We control our own destiny._ _Don't lose this chance._

"Why – why did you bring me here? What does it _mean_?" The words were rushed and jumbled, but White Diamond turned her head to look at him – a large part of him wished she hadn't.

"All things in time, Steven. Speaking of which, I suspect _that_ is a vital resource we are quickly running out of," she moved him a little further away, so he might better see the boundless, imperial landscape that stretched far beyond his vision.

"I suggest you hurry once you've returned. You _will_ find Pink, and you _will_ return to me, else I will have to come find her, and you, myself. That is a promise."

Steven's heart was pounding so loudly he would have been surprised if she couldn't hear.

In truth, even if he had time to ask more questions, he wasn't sure he even wanted to know the answers.

"Steven? Steven, are you okay? I'm so sorry – we didn't, I didn't – _Steven_?"

Slowly, he started to open his eyes, squeezing them forcefully shut and re-opening them until the barn came into focus around him. Lapis was leaning over him, concern drawing her eyes… together?

He yelped and scooted away, more in surprise than anything. Clutching his chest, Steven wheezed between breaths as he felt his heart ricochet against his ribcage.

Reality had returned. Had it ever really gone away? He clutched his head, blood thumping loud in his brain, eyes flickering between two worlds.

In one of them, a blue gem put her hands up in front of her defensively, and immediately Peridot's voice was obvious. "I'm sorry! We… we wanted to surprise you, then you fell – I think you passed out. We'll stop – just, one second," four eyes closed in concentration, clenching their fists in effort, but Steven finally realized what was going on.

In the other, he heard White Diamond's voice, felt the fear bubble up through his stomach and clench around his heart.

Blinking wildly, Steven thought he might once have laughed at the strange sight. But that was before.

"N-no, it's okay. Wow, you… fused? That's… great."

Blue Prehnite peaked through two eyes of her four, wary. His enthusiasm was obviously forced, and while she might have hoped he would faint in awe and shock, his current state was obviously not related to their fusion. He was drenched in sweat, though he had only been out for a few minutes, and his skin had turned an unnatural pallor color.

From a safe distance, she knelt down and studied him, her face the embodiment of worry. "Steven, did it… happen again? Was it her?" Her voice was hushed, and Steven watched as she anxiously tucked her pretty turquoise hair behind one ear.

Despite himself, Steven had to smile at that – it was one of Lapis' signature habits. Every time he blinked, he saw a flash of White Diamond in the darkness of his lids, but the sight on the other end of his vision was much more pleasant.

Breathing starting to slow, Steven opened his mouth to speak but closed it again. He was shaking from the cold sweat, and everything felt raw and new again. Sooner or later he imagined he would reach his limit – mind or body, he wasn't sure which would break first.

 _You will find Pink,_

"I…"

 _And you will return to me,_

"Um…"

 _Else I will have to come and find her,_

…

 _And you,_

…

 _Myself._

…

He sighed.

"No, sorry. I think it was just… another panic attack. I'm okay."

This new blue gem did not seem convinced, but she did not want to push him – he had gone through a lot, and he had a similar episode the night before (or, technically, very early that morning).

Steven could tell she was still worried, so he cleared his throat lightly and tried to sound normal. His voice was a little too high, but it wasn't bad all things considered.

"S-so, Lapis and Peridot – I can't believe you fused! What's your name?" He gave them a weak smile.

She grinned back, happy to hear the perk returned to his voice. Her eyes still seemed a little drawn, but he was smiling at them, and they were mostly relieved he wasn't collapsed on the floor anymore. Standing up, they twirled lightly, their skirt billowing around in a soft teal color.

"We're Blue Prehnite. Pretty cool, if I do say so myself. Or ourselves!" They giggled, and it was like music; Steven felt a real smile settle on his face at the warm sound. It was the perfect pitch of Lapis and Peridot, definitively there beneath the surface but mixed together into something new and distinct.

"Wow. It's _prey-night?_ Hmm… that sounds… werewolfy. I dunno, what do you think about… 'Pree'?"

Immediately the fusion burst into waves of laughter, and though he didn't know what was funny the sound was infectious. Soon he was laughing too, watching them spring into the air with awesome speed and sharp-looking wings.

" _Wow_ ," he said softly.

"You asked for a snowman, right?"

Curious, he nodded at her, still leaning up on shaking arms. He was trying to focus on their impressive display, reminded of the same energy that embodied Smokey Quartz when he and Amethyst tried to introduce them to Garnet and Pearl. Consequently, he was also reminded of the sour disappointment they felt when Sardonyx pressured them to be… well, he wasn't really sure. It was just discouraging, and he didn't want to spoil Pree's moment, so he nodded along as convincingly as he could.

To be fair, it _was_ impressive, and he was happy for the distraction. Every inhale felt like a whisper from within, every exhale like the ticking of a clock.

 _Time is precious, and they are wasting mine._

"Okay, are you ready, Steven?"

 _Consider the facts, Steven._

There was a grinding, tearing metal sound that was actually really unpleasant, but it was even more amazing to watch. Pree tensed her hands like Lapis would when she would control water, but _this_ was different – the metal in the pile of junk started to… unwind? If that was even possible – and it morphed and melted, turning into a strange liquescent substance that shined and reflected the inside of the barn.

"Snowman powers, activate!" That sounded an awful lot like Peridot, and they laughed warmly like Lapis would when they would tease beach-goers.

 _I welcome the opportunity to stomp them into the dirt._

Steven cringed as the metal came together loudly, forming a complex, dense structure in the shape of three orbs, each stacked on top of each other and fitted with metal accessories. A perfect, metal snowman beamed at him in the middle of the barn. Truthfully, it was a little creepy, but Pree seemed absolutely thrilled.

He pulled himself up to standing, still dizzy from the constant flux of time and space and _everything_. "Wow, Pree, I don't even know what to say. This is awesome!"

Absently, Steven noted that Garnet was gone, but he could guess she had gone to fetch Pearl or Dani or both when he collapsed.

She was beaming at him, but her smile faded as she came down to the ground. She was a little shorter than Opal, Steven wagered, but still very tall and just as supple as her up close.

His heart fell a tiny bit at the thought of Opal – once he had been so mystified by the prospect of a giant woman. Now, they terrified him.

"Steven, are you sure you're okay?" Her blue and green eyes searched his tired and miserable expression, flickering beneath the smile.

Putting his hands in his pockets, Steven thought about his answer carefully.

No, he wasn't _okay_. She wouldn't have asked if it wasn't obvious – but what could he tell her? Garnet wanted him to promise not to go back to Homeworld, Pearl promised to keep him safe, and now White Diamond promised to come after him, and consequently, the Earth, if he didn't return to her – with the added task of bringing her _Pink Diamond's_ shards?

How could he possibly answer such a humble question when his brain felt fit to burst with conflict? The only commonality that seemed to connect his two worlds were that no matter what he did, no matter what he said, it would disappoint, hurt, and betray.


	5. Refugees

Sitting at the kitchen counter, Steven was trying to pay attention to whatever Pearl was saying, but it was an unsuccessful venture. Cupping the side of his face with his left hand, elbow on the countertop, his body was angled to his right where she was standing, but his mind was somewhere else.

Well, not just somewhere – Homeworld.

Standing maybe a foot from the door, Pearl's voice sounded like a pretty song over the rest of the house, but the words were lost on him. There was too much going on inside, as the house packed with people.

 _Funny, when I first moved in here, I thought it felt too big. Now, it feels too small._

Steven would pick up pieces of conversations behind him, all of the gems having gathered once again since his return. They had originally intended to use the barn as a meeting place, Garnet had told him, but that was before he met Pree and his "fainting" spell. Evidently, the Gems changed their mind, so now they were at his house, and Steven could only guess it was because he had passed out for no particular reason – at least, no reason that they were aware of.

The only other person who was silent was Blue Pearl, sitting at the window seat, as immobile as if she were sitting for an old timey portrait. If Pearl hadn't just gotten distracted by Amethyst, he might have been chided for gawking at the quiet gem, but it didn't feel like an invasive sort of stare. They were engaged in their own sort of wordless conversation, both of them stuck in a place they didn't really belong.

Incidentally, the first time he had seen her, docile and powdery blue, was here on Earth. She had been only inches away when Steven and his father had found Pink Diamond's palanquin, and that time he had only managed to glance at her briefly. Then, soon after, he saw her a second time at Pink Diamond's base as he tried to free his father from the Human Zoo. Now, they've come full circle, and she was here, on Earth again, her sinuous figure sitting neatly on some cushions in his home. Posture rigid, Blue Pearl looked neither comfortable nor uncomfortable – she just looked… Pearl-like. It was hard to explain, but there was just an air about virtually every Pearl he's met that adopted this deportment – he had seen it in Yellow Pearl, White Pearl, and Lilac Pearl back on Homeworld.

His eye twitched at the unwelcome reminder of Lilac Pearl. The ghostly echoes of shards screaming as White Diamond forced her and that Ruby's shards together was something he would sooner forget. They hadn't formed more than an amorphous blob before coagulating into two hands joined together at the wrist, but it was horrifying all the same.

 _Rhodonite_. That's what White Diamond had called their fusion, before poofing them in disgust.

Outside, the sky had darkened considerably, and Steven's eyes flickered over the microwave across the counter – 9:02 PM. One day at a time, Pearl had said. One day at a time.

When Steven looked back at Blue Pearl, he was surprised to find her head turned away from the world outside. Eyes hidden behind her bangs, her head was turned directly at him.

Instinctively, Steven looked away, pretending to be very interested in Pearl and Amethyst, the purple gem trying to take a picture with Pearl using Peridot's tablet. It was a little disconcerting that Blue Pearl didn't look away, as Steven could feel her eyes studying him through his periphery, but he realized it was probably a human habit – when two people met eyes for no reason, they both would look away in embarrassment. Blue Pearl didn't seem embarrassed, but Steven was, so he tried to pay attention to something else.

Glancing over his shoulder, Lapis and Peridot were sitting on the floor a few feet in front of the warp pad with Dani, who was being introduced to Pumpkin for the first time. To their collective surprise, Danburite was absolutely smitten with the little orange thing, petting and poking it gently and laughing at its bark and growls. By the sounds of it, she was asking some really complicated biological questions about reproduction and cellular growth, so Steven tuned them out and moved his attention to Garnet and his Dad speaking quietly on the couch.

Their conversation was a little more difficult to pick up on, especially when the room filled with hearty laughter as Amethyst started to chase Pearl around the living room, only to excite Pumpkin into chasing them both in a maddening din.

In truth, Steven was glad Garnet was talking to his Dad – he felt horribly guilty for not sitting down privately with his father yet, but he wasn't sure what he could possibly say to him.

 _Hi Dad, sorry I was gone for a month. I was a little busy helping an alien monarch ascend to supreme ruler. Oh, no, that didn't take the whole month. I also fused with that mean blue gem from the Zoo several times, killed a few people, and was tortured by murderous dictators until_ _ **they**_ _were murdered. No, no, I'm not sick, I just didn't eat very much. Starvation, yeah. Yeah, it wasn't great. So, watch any good movies while I was gone?_

Steven groaned and let his hand drop to the counter, turning his back to Garnet and his dad so he was fully facing no one in particular. It would only be a few seconds until Pearl was invariably perched at his shoulder again, trying to pretend everything was going to be okay.

It wasn't okay. No one acknowledged it, and that made it worse. After his episode at the barn, Steven had been on proverbial lockdown in the house. His Dad brought pizza for an early dinner around 4:30 PM, but his appetite had not fully returned. He had two slices over the course of an hour, but the grease made his stomach upset and he nearly threw up.

Right now, what Steven really wanted was to be alone. It wasn't that he disliked the company – quite the opposite, in fact – being around them made his heart swell with feeling. The problem wasn't them; it was him. The fake smile, the forced laughter, trying to avoid being touched by anyone if he could help it… it took a lot of effort to keep up the charade.

 _I care not how you do it._

If White Diamond had meant it, then there really was no reason to keep things a secret. Part of him – a large, guilty part of him – wanted to tell Garnet and Pearl the moment they came busting into the barn with Dani, but he had just lied to Blue Prehnite's face about it. If he admitted it then, he would have hurt her feelings, so Steven told himself he would do it once they went back to the Temple, but then Amethyst and Blue Pearl and his Dad were there. He couldn't get a moment alone with anyone, and he knew his fainting spell had put them all on high alert, so the sudden intensity of their attention was suffocating.

"Hey, Schtu-ball," his Dad said, appearing at his side. Steven immediately stiffened at the warm touch on his shoulder.  
Greg quickly pulled his hand away as Pearl shot him an angry look. If her flaring nostrils could talk, they would have started to scream " _Be gentle!"_ in the man's face.

"S-sorry Steven, it's just uh, you were zoning out for a second there. Did you hear me?"

Turning in tall chair, Steven looked past this dad into the living room so as not to meet his gaze. "No, sorry, what is it?"

Greg moved slightly so he was more in the direct path of Steven's vision, holding his cellphone at eye level with his son. "Phone for you. I forgot yours' got uh… well, I thought you might want to take this one – it's Connie."

Steven bit down on his gums nervously, looking at the phone like it was a destabilizer.

"O-oh, great. I'll talk to her, um, just…" he jumped down from the seat and held his hand out to take the phone.

"I, uh, well… I would, um," Steven felt stupid, blushing and fumbling over his words while everyone stopped to look at him.

Greg knelt down and sent him a wink, careful not to touch him this time.

"It's alright Steven, you want to talk to her alone, I'm guessing?"

Thank goodness for dad instincts – Steven placed a bashful hand against his cheek and nodded.

"Do you want us to go outside?"

"Ahh… n-no. I'll go," he said, backing up involuntarily as Pearl moved forward attentively.

"I mean, if that's okay? I'll just be on the beach. T-there's a lot of you, it would just make more sense if I go."

Garnet, Pearl and Greg looked at each other hesitantly, but before he knew it Peridot and Amethyst were pushing him out of the house.

Before the screen door closed behind him, Amethyst gave him an encouraging final push of his shoulders.

"Yeaaaaah Ste-man! Get it!"

Slightly horrified, Steven stumbled onto the balcony and looked at the phone. It wasn't on mute, so he was alarmed to think what Connie might have heard. Peridot and Amethyst were cackling on the other side of the door, and he could see Pearl starting to come nearer so he bolted down the steps and out into the sand before she could stop him.

He made a beeline for the water's edge so his toes could touch the water, careful not to move out of the line of sight from the house – he was certain that if he went too far they would bring him back inside.

"C-Connie?"

"Hey there," she said warmly.

How could so much have happened and the sound of her voice _still_ made his stomach fill with butterflies?

He chuckled awkwardly. "Sorry if you heard any of that, you know them. Always weird."

Connie laughed. "Oh, please, weird is an understatement. They're downright crazy. But how are _you_?"

"I'm… ah," Steven started to form the word "okay," but he didn't want to lie to Connie. Not only had he been unable to get a moment alone with Garnet or Pearl, he wasn't sure if telling them would even be helpful; would it send them into an even more protective frenzy

Connie, at least, he could expect to be reasonable.

"Not great?" She suggested after he fell silent.

"Yeah… not great."

"That's good."

A pause.

Steven couldn't help but laugh. "How is that _good_?"

"Oh, well, I uh, that is," Connie became flustered.

Grinning, Steven tried to picture what she could be doing right now. Maybe sitting in her room with a book, slamming the cover shut when he called her out. He imagined her chopped hair tucked softly behind her ears and that her newly pink skin shined under the fluorescent lights in her bedroom.

"I meant it like, that's _normal_. If you were like, 'I'm perfectly alright!' I would have worried you're as crazy as the rest of them." She was laughing too.

Once they both suppressed their giggles, Connie asked him another question.

"So, what did you do today? Your Dad said you guys got pizza?"

"Yeah, it was okay. Mmm, other than that, I was mostly at home – oh, this morning, I met Blue Prehnite. That was really cool."

It felt nice to talk about it with Connie, who he had been told, met Pree in space. Nothing was really normal – indeed, even Connie had undergone some kind of magical change that none of them really understood – but she made him feel a tiny bit more like himself, less of whoever it was that came back from Homeworld.

"I know right?! You should have seen her face when Garnet called her out for stealing that Hand Ship. She called us all clods and started to blush. Oh man," she was giggling heartily.

"It was _so_ good."

Steven wiggled his toes gently as the water crept up to meet them, feeling a lightness in his chest at the sound of Connie's voice. Even from so far away, he couldn't help but admire everything about her.

"What about you? Do anything fun today?"

Connie thought about her day and responded slowly. "Not really. It was pretty…normal. My parents still haven't really let me leave the house, so I've been reading this new book. I've gotten about half way through, and it was a little slow at first, but things are really getting interesting. I was a little burnt out on reading, and I hadn't heard from you, so I thought I'd call."

"Oh, sorry, I um, it's been… I should have called you sooner. I feel dumb for not thinking of it earlier, cause I'm stuck at home too. I'm sorry."

Her voice softened, sweet with sincerity. "Oh no, Steven, it's okay. Don't apologize. I just… I just missed you, that was all."

A little too quickly, Steven responded. "I missed you too!"

Now it was his turn to be flustered, smacking a palm to his forehead and laying back into the sand.

"I mean, um, ugh. I'm all over the place right now, sorry, Connie. It's true, though. I missed you. I… I miss you right now, actually."

There was an extended silence, both of them embarrassed by their sudden honesty. In a much less terrifying way, Steven found himself back on Homeworld again, in the Kindergarten, but this time it wasn't about White Diamond, or fusions, or prison, or shattering… Right now, he was thinking about the kiss that wasn't really a kiss. Connie hadn't "woken up" until much later – did she remember any of what happened? Neither of them had the opportunity to actually talk about it until right now.

Self-conscious, Steven grasped for another topic. "So, uh, tell me about this book!"

The other line was silent for a fraction of a second, but a moment later Connie launched into an exciting story about a mysterious campground that seemed to draw witches and wizards from all over the realm. Apparently, the part she had just stopped at had the main character – Elzar – trapped beneath the lake by black magic while his friends tried to find the source.

It was nice, Steven realized, to think about nothing but fictional magic for a change. He could use a little escapism right about now.

"So, that's it. The next chapter, I'm guessing, will follow Theon and Beyrah, who just got spilt up in the woods while seeking the source of the curse. It's sort of a… silly story, not nearly as good as _Unfamiliar Familiar_ , but it's not bad."

"Wow, I don't think it's silly at all. It sounds good!"

Voice perking up slightly, Connie was relieved. She was always a little self-conscious talking about these sort of things. Steven never seemed to judge for her less… glamorous choices.

"R-really? Well, if you want, you can borrow it when I'm finished."

Much to his own chagrin, Steven couldn't help himself when talking to Connie. He blurted out the next sentence without thinking.

"That's okay, I don't think I'll have enough time to read it before I go."

Everything fell quiet, save the gentle lapping of the sea. Steven looked at the dark sky far above while his stomach sank like a stone. He was prepared at that moment to tell Connie everything: White Diamond, Heliodor, Rhodonite, Opalite, the shattered Rose Quartz, cutting her hair in Holly Blue's memory… Instead, he started to send himself into a panic so he shut his eyes and just listened to her breathing on the other side of the line.

"Steven?" She sounded strange.

A little worried, Steven's voice caught in his throat. "Y-Yeah?"

Another pause, but Connie whispered into the phone. "I have to be quiet, cause my parents are still up. But I have an… idea."

"Oh?"

"Actually," her voice shot up a few octaves. "N-nevermind. It was dumb. Let's talk about something else – where'd you guys get pizza from?"

"Connie?" Steven tried to do his best disapproving-Pearl-voice.

"…"

"Oh, c'mon, now I really, _really_ wanna know!"

Connie sighed, and though he couldn't see it, she was doing a little victory pose in her bedroom. He was _so_ easy.

"Well, okay, but you have to _promise_ to trust me." She did her best pouty, defeated voice.

For once, Steven made a promise he knew he could keep.

"Okay, there is a _slight_ catch. I actually can't tell you anything. But I _will!_ " Connie added the last part hastily when Steven groaned.

"Knights honor, I'll explain it all soon. But you trust me?"

Steven couldn't resist the urge to tease her. "Well I do _now_ , but if you keep tricking me, I'm going to have to reconsider."

"Oh, stop it." She retorted, but her voice was kind.

A moment later, Steven could hear Mr. Maheswaran's voice muffled in the background, so Connie quickly said good night and hung up the phone.

"'Bye, Connie. I…" He hesitated and bit his lip, heart pounding.

 _Beep_.

Sighing, Steven let his arms flop out to his sides.

"… love you."

By the time he returned to the house, he was surprised to find it almost entirely empty. Glancing at the time on his dad's cell phone, he had only been outside for forty minutes. Pearl and Garnet were noticeably absent – he guessed they went into the Temple. Amethyst had fallen asleep on the short end of the couch, and his dad was unceremoniously sprawled out on the longer part. Both of them were snoring. Peridot, Lapis and Pumpkin were gone – back to the barn, no doubt.

So when Steven entered the house and found himself alone with Dani and Blue Pearl, he felt oddly at peace. His fellow Homeworld escapees were the quietest among the Gems – besides Garnet most of the time – so he wasn't worried about their pestering. Mostly, he was interested in Connie's mysterious promise earlier, thinking about the sweet sound of her voice.

Dani came over to him quietly and bent her knees, leaning down until she was just at level with him. "Steven. Welcome back. Are you still feeling well?"

He whispered his response with a smile. "Yep, I'm good."

The white gems head was tilted slightly, reminding Steven a little too much of White Diamond at that moment to find her presence comforting. He looked timidly at his feet, avoiding her eyes – not that he could see them behind her visor, but still.

"Do you want to rest? Now may be a good time," she gestured towards Amethyst and his dad passed out on the couch.

"Not yet," he said, chuckling when his dad snored especially loud and rolled over. "Maybe in a bit, but I'm feeling really awake. Actually…" he massaged his chin, looking around. Steven realized he was sort of stuck again – he didn't want to get in trouble by leaving, and Pearl and Garnet were nowhere to be seen – but he really wasn't ready to go to bed yet. Of course, he was physically exhausted, but he had his reasons for avoiding sleep. With his Dad and Amethyst asleep on the couch, there wasn't much else he could do in his house.

Maybe it was because things had fallen quiet and dark, or maybe it was a product of her general muteness, but when Blue Pearl shifted ever so slightly to his right, they both turned to look at her. For her, even such a light redistribution of her weight on the cushions was like a bomb going off or a grand announcement.

Steven walked nearer so he could still whisper. "H-hey, how are you?" He hopped up next to her on the window seat.

At first, he wondered if she hadn't heard him because her face remained an utter mask of tranquility, unperturbed by his lackluster question. After a pause though, she parted her lips a few millimeters. "I am… unsure."

"Mmm…" Steven wanted to urge her to continue, but he also didn't want to wake the others. Wracking his brain for a moment, he came up with what he deemed a fair solution – standing on the cushion, he leaned over Blue Pearl ("Excuse me, sorry, just a second,") and grabbed a pen and some scrap paper from the shelf behind her.

Quickly penning a message, he left the piece of paper on the counter.

 _Hi –_

 _Dani, Blue Pearl and I are up by the laundry. Just wanted to chat but didn't want to wake anyone._

 _Love you!_

 _Steven_

Moving back to the two of them, both watching him curiously, Steven grabbed Dani's hand and offered his other one to Pearl. "C'mon, let's talk outside."

Earth was warm.

Too warm, at least by her standards, and from the handful of times Pearl had visited she remembered the discomfort as part of the payload. Before, she had been trying to be the best Pearl possible, each beating ray of heat a proud reminder of her focus, her duty, her cause. If she could stand still as the photons of their star made her head ache, then all the better. Pearl was not, however, a masochist; if she could avoid the sunshine, she did, sidestepping into a shadow casted long against the ground or reveling in the times she and her Diamond would visit under the moon and the stars.

It was a matter of preference, so naturally Pearl did not disclose this to anyone. She was made to persist, not to resist.

So when the child offered to take her outside, she was reluctant at first, but she allowed herself to be escorted to the warp pad with Danburite. He sent them to the palm of the stone fusion, engrained beautifully into the side of the cliff around which the human house was built. The center of the hand delivered them to the "outside" he had referred to, although Pearl had assumed they would just go sit on the beach somewhere.

With the sun gone from the sky, the air had a biting chill to it that caught in the breeze – she quite enjoyed the feeling.

Steven instructed her and her fellow gem to "make yourselves comfortable," which must have been slang for something she did not understand. One cannot _make_ themselves into a state of being – indeed, comfort is a subjective, structural system that is a sum greater than the parts. To be comfortable, she would first have to be on Homeworld, at the side of or retrieving something for her Diamond, or perhaps receiving a coy whisper from Yellow. That was a far stretch from reality.

The child sat against one of the stone fingers, at least three times his small size, and Danburite found a seat on the ground as well. Unsure of what else to do, Pearl delicately lifted her gauze skirt so that she could sit without crumpling the hem next to one of the two strange metal cubes.

They were quiet for a moment, and the peace was nice. Just them, the breeze, and the darkness of the night sky – maybe he had more foresight than she originally credited him with, because right now, she was _almost_ comfortable.

"So, one whole day. It feels like ages. How are you guys holding up?" He was looking up at the sky, and Pearl could not blame him. The stars were beautiful from here.

Danburite spoke first. "It has been a… learning experience. There are some systemic issues I think you need to consider seriously."

He brushed it off. "Oh, well, you should probably talk to Peridot about that. She could probably make sense of it."

"Oh, really?" The white gem seemed to consider that for a moment before agreeing.

The tiniest smile formed on her blue lips before she willed it away. They were having a classic miscommunication, and she thought about correcting it, but wasn't sure if it was courteous to do so. The child had done her a great service, and yet, he did not know the difference between systemic and systematic. He was indeed only fourteen, wise in some ways but still so young in others.

"Well…" Danburite folded her hands in her lap, choosing her words carefully. "Other than that, things have been… nice. Your father is rather unhealthy, and at his age, he should seriously consider taking better care of his physique. You could say, well… hmm…" Her voice trailed off for a moment, tapping thin fingers against her cheek thoughtfully.

Steven arched an eyebrow at her. "Something on your mind?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact, there is. I am trying to understand… Earth humor. I think I have a 'joke,' but I still don't know if it would… How had Amethyst put it? 'Land?' I do not know if the joke would _land_?" By the sound of her voice, she was absolutely serious.

Pearl was amused by the concept of a flippant Danburite; she hoped Steven would let her proceed.

"Oh," he said with a smirk. "Sure. Amethyst is the funniest person I know, so if you learned from her, it's probably pretty good. Let's hear it."

Danburite nodded solemnly, and her voice remained perfectly flat. "Alright. Well, your father had better be careful with his health, because unlike me, if he dies, Pearl cannot stab you and make him come back."

The boy was taken aback by her morbidity, and frankly, Pearl was, too. Perhaps it was just the absolute stiffness in all Danburite's personalities, but something about the mere concept of her trying to make a jest made the blue gem unexpectedly burst with a chiming laughter.

Pearl cut off her sudden outburst as quickly as it started, covering her mouth in horror. That was bad. Very, very bad.

But soon, Steven was laughing too, laughing so hard he started to cry, which alarmed the white gem severely. Danburite looked absolutely distraught, taking her visor off and scooting closer to him.

"Steven! I-I am sorry. I did not mean to insult your father, and, he, it was a joke – "

Pearl cut her off. "It is okay. He cries when he laughs, sometimes." She immediately blushed deep blue when they turned to look at her, so she lowered her head.

"W-White told me. It was… a good joke."

After a few minutes of giggles and hiccups, a proud high-five from Steven to Danburite, and a brief explanation as to what exactly _laundry_ was, the three of them found themselves sitting quietly once again. Pearl had adjusted so she could dangle her slender legs over the side of the palm, so she might have a better vantage point of their surroundings. It was magnificent – the dark waters below, glittering under the pale light of the moon, contrasted by the black sky above bespeckled with shining stars that were lightyears away. A cool breeze, the moving tides, and otherwise, peace.

Steven moved next to her and sat down carefully, making sure to tuck his flip flops away behind him before letting his legs hang. Comparatively, Danburite did not seem very comfortable with the notion, so she stood and leaned against a rocky digit.

The boy initiated another conversation. "What about you, Pearl?"

She turned to look at him, a small frown on her face. "What about me?"

"Well, earlier, you said you weren't sure how you were feeling. Do you want to talk about it?"

Ah. Right. She could not avoid his scrutiny forever.

"Um, it is nothing, really. I am indebted to you, and to you," she turned slightly and nodded at Danburite. "For helping me. Neither of you had a reason to do so, but you did, and I am grateful. But I am… worried."

Steven looked away, down into the sands below. "That doesn't sound like nothing."

"Mmm," she acknowledged, but said nothing else.

The child stopped swinging his feet and grew very still at her side. Stealing a glance at him from beneath her bangs, Pearl was surprised to find how particularly stricken he looked.

"I am worried, too…" Steven started to say, biting his lip anxiously.

"If you tell me what's bothering you, I'll tell you what's bothering me. Does that sound fair?" His voice had dropped, and he was pushing a hand against his temple. Pearl was a little surprised, but she nodded slowly.

Danburite quietly interrupted. "Would you like for me to go?"

Steven was prepared to say "no" – he trusted Dani with his life, literally, – but this was not about him.

"It's up to Pearl, it's okay with me if you stay."

Pearl looked down into her lap appreciatively. "N-no, you can stay."

The child smiled fondly at her, so Danburite readjusted to sit behind them while they sat over the edge of everything.

No one spoke at first, so Steven took it upon himself to start. "I'll go, and then you go. So um, for me, no surprise, it's about Homeworld. White Diamond, specifically. And please, please don't tell the others about this, okay?" He was already regretting this, but he really wanted to help Blue Pearl.

They both silently agreed, nodding, so he continued. "Well… I didn't actually pass out this morning. I mean I did, but it was another dream…" Steven's voice was almost inaudible.

"It was _her_."

Danburite placed a hand on one of the boy's shoulders, and her thin fingers squeezed gently. The white gem had yet to tell anyone her suspicions that he may be just be having nightmares, perhaps even post-traumatic stress disorder episodes. It has been shown humans need validation to overcome trauma; just as well, she could tell Steven needed support right now and not a lecture.

"Oh, Steven. No wonder your blood pressure is unnaturally high for someone your age. Tell us what happened?"

He sighed and let his face fall into his hands, muffling his voice slightly. "It was just like before… I d-don't know why this is happening to me. I'm afraid to sleep, I'm afraid to do anything. She told me I have to go back, and soon. If I take too long, she said she would come and take me back herself." Steven's voice was void of all its usual energy and life; he sounded as sad as he had back when Blue Pearl first infiltrated his holding cell in White Diamond's base.

Right now, he chose to omit the information about Pink Diamond's shards, a little wary that that would be too much and send them after Pearl and Garnet.

 _Small battles, Steven. Small battles, small victories._

"What am I supposed to do? I don't want to hurt people, but if I stay here, what if what White Diamond said is true? Not only will I be putting all of you in danger, but humans on Earth, too. I'm not even meaning to be 'self-sacrificing' anymore. I just feel like there are no other options."

Blue Pearl did not know what to say – he really was in a difficult position, but this was not new information. He was a target, and White Diamond was hunter with precise aim. Not only would her Grand Supremacy get exactly what she wanted, but there would be arrows to spare, so she would have all of the opportunity for collateral damage.

White's voice echoed in her ears from that morning.

 _I want you to be prepared for when things escalate. Because I assure you, they will._

Steven started to cry, and it was a heartbreaking sound.

"That's… that's not even the worst part. I know you said I 'belong here,' Dani, but I don't even feel like that anymore. I can't relate to my dad, the Gems are pretending like everything is normal, and I… I can't talk to girl I love anymore without feeling guilty. It's like, two steps forward and one step back. Every. Single. Day. If I make a little progress, I feel like she comes out of nowhere and drags me back."

Danburite opened her mouth, ready to comfort him, but Pearl surprised them both when she placed a delicate hand against his knee. The gesture was wordless, but more telling than speech could have been: _I understand._

Steven turned to her, wiping away tears that stained his cheeks, and was startled to find she too was crying.

"I am… worried about Yellow," she started, studying the reflection of the moonlight against the sand far below.

"She… I did not know they would… I-I was begging for it to stop. The _pain._ " She grabbed her right leg protectively, remembering the horrible branches that tore across her blue skin.

"Yellow, she, she told them to do the rest of my punishment on her, and they were so surprised that she pushed one of them and yelled at me to run. That's when I came to you – I thought they would just make the punishment worse for her. I never… I never thought they would…" and her voice was lost in a sob, heavy with regret and grief. She had tried to forget it, ignore what happened, tell herself it wasn't her fault.

A reaction that struck them all odd, Blue Pearl actually chuckled. "But it's like you said – that's not even the worst part. I feel selfish admitting it, but, the hardest part is that I do not belong here, either. It is as obvious as it is painful; even if Yellow was fine, this place is not a solution. This is not our home – indeed, this place is like a nightmare for gems from our Era. For each fond moment I have here, there are a dozen that remind me how pointless this all is. I can't stay here, and I can't go back. I couldn't save my Diamond, and I couldn't save Yellow. What… what else do I have?"

Steven was shocked by Pearl's honesty and was glad she shared her feelings, but more than anything he was… oddly relieved? Everyone else had been so… so… annoyingly _happy_ that right now he just needed to have some time to be upset, and the blue gem seemed like she needed this, too.

"I have something to say, if you are both willing to hear it." Danburite chimed in after a brief silence.

"Hmm?" Steven said as he and Pearl both turned over their shoulder to look at the white gem. She had taken her visor off, and was looking up at the stars dance around each other, the light of many reaching them far after they've burnt out.

"I have never belonged anywhere, and I have no desire to. It is nice that you both have that capacity, but you are letting it define you. I am not capable of true emotion – Pearl knows this. It is a symptom in all Era 2 Danburites. We were modeled to be scholars in cultural and geological disciplines; my specialization happened to be the organic life that inhabited the Earth colony. The best I can do is to understand, process, and respond in ways I deem appropriate. My consciousness is a proxy for real emotion, so all of my… _personality_ , you might say, is simply a reflection of what I know."

Steven did not know what to say – he knew that Peridot had to work especially hard to trigger her powers, but he did not know that other Era 2 gems could be deficient in this way.

"You both think you do not belong, but that is in fact a paradox. You _do_ belong, in that you don't. Even if the circle is as small as just the three of us, none of us have a place in this universe anymore, and we at least have that in common. I cannot return to my work, you cannot return to your old life, and you cannot return to serving our Diamond."

Her voice softened a tiny bit, a shift in her monotone that reflected sympathy. "The way you talk about home has nothing to do with where you are – Homeworld, Earth, or anywhere else. You care about Yellow, and about our Diamond; you care about the girl and your family. The deficit in belonging is inside of you. Now, you are refugees because that _feeling_ of home has been destroyed, not because you are somewhere you do not want to be."

Steven and Pearl looked at each other once Danburite finished speaking, and the white gem put her visor back on matter-of-factly. They both were speechless, and while her words were eloquent, they were also impossibly difficult to internalize. She did not have emotion, so she could compartmentalize everything that mimicked a feeling; they were burdened with trying to sort and reassign their feelings. Regret into growth, loss into potential? Those were easier said than done, but the words had done them both a great kindness.

Pearl would never have necessarily asked to be grouped in as a _refugee_ , but this Danburite spoke true. It was a title that applied to them all, and that made her feel a little less lonely.

The boy stood up after a little while and turned to face the white gem, who shifted to meet his gaze. Pearl watched them from her periphery.

"Thank you, Dani… I really needed to hear that. I know, um, you said you don't have feelings," he folded his hands together politely and looked down at his shoes.

"But would it still be okay if I gave you a hug?"

She smiled at that – Danburite may not _feel_ happiness, but she can _understand_ it. A smile simply felt right on her face.

"Yes, I think that would be nice."

Steven reached out his arms and she extended her own, and they held each other in a quiet moment.

To her own disbelief, Pearl had turned to watch them, feeling strangely at peace despite how badly her heart hurt.

"Um, can I…?"

She did not finish the sentence though, and Steven pulled her into a three-way hug. It was awkward and uncomfortable, but for now, it was enough.


	6. Liar, Liar

Snapping her cell phone closed, Pearl held the bridge of her nose with her thumb and forefinger, exasperated. She had been occupying so many different roles that she was really starting to wear thin; finally, she understood Amethyst's anxiety when they sat around and did nothing at times when they really were supposed to do something.

Anything.

Anything at all.

Pearl was a friend, a companion, a teacher, a fighter, a Crystal Gem, but she was also a Pearl, _the_ Pearl, and simply, Pearl. To her kind, she was rather _a_ Pearl or _the_ Pearl, depending on if they recognized her as the renegade or a servant. But to Garnet, Amethyst, and most importantly, Steven, she was just… Pearl.

And now the one time she wanted to be anything but _just_ Pearl, all she could do was _be_ Pearl.

She clicked her tongue at Steven when he came downstairs in the morning, preparing a healthy breakfast of cranberry juice, eggs and plain toast – Garnet had the forethought (literally) to head into town to get groceries the night before, since Steven hadn't been eating well.

"What?" He asked when she chided him. "It smells _so_ good in here." Steven rubbed his eyes and yawned, but he wasn't able to fool her. She knew him too well – he hadn't slept, again. The first night, she wasn't surprised, after he had told her about the dream that he had featuring White Diamond, so she bit her tongue and let him suffer the consequences, imagining his fatigue would catch up with him and he would want to nap eventually.

What she had _not_ imagined was him falling from seven feet in the air when he went to the barn and fell asleep from exhaustion, so she wasn't going to let him go another day without sleeping.

They weren't alone in the house. Greg wasn't here this very moment, as he had gone outside in his van to get a few things, but he would be back in a few minutes. Other than that, Amethyst was sitting at the counter, looking uncharacteristically forlorn. Her hair was especially messy and her eyes were lined with anxiety.

"Did you have any trouble sleeping last night, Steven? I thought about waking Greg and Amethyst and shooing them away, but by the time Garnet and I had come back from the store, you were already in bed." Pearl said lightly, trying to mask her worry.

He lied to her, which hurt. He had been lying a lot lately. "Yeah, I slept most of the night. I woke up a little while ago and tried to go back to sleep, but I couldn't. I thought I heard my dad was here?" Steven looked around innocently while he sat next to the purple gem at the counter.

The white gem's gaze flickered over to Amethyst for a second before returning to him.

"He is; he's just outside getting something from the van."

Steven nodded and rested his chin on a hand against the countertop, and to Pearl's dismay, all she wanted to do was lean over and hug him. Right now, they all wanted to be loving and kind and supportive, but they had agreed last night to give him space. It wasn't that she didn't think he deserved a little tough love, but the agreement had little to do with love at all.

Glancing to his left, Steven looked at Amethyst, who sat casually and sort of… uninvitingly, if that was possible. She looked like a bully in a movie, her body language reading _don't talk to me._

Carefully, he gave her a smile. "Hey, Amethyst."

In response, she shot up a hand and her first three fingers in a half-wave.

"Yo," she responded, not looking at him, and said nothing else.

Pearl's brow came together in frustration – Amethyst was hardly even _trying_.

"Steven, why don't you take a shower? You skipped it yesterday – don't think I didn't notice. Breakfast should be just about finished when you're done." Pearl cupped her cheek lightly and gave him a quick smile. He nodded quietly, looked at Amethyst one more time, and went into the bathroom.

The moment the water turned on, Pearl lowered her voice into a hiss.

" _What_ is wrong with you? We need to act normal."

Amethyst wasn't having that, though. She crossed both arms against the counter and put her head down.

"It's not my fault, Pearl. I hate this. I hate this so much. I don't want to _act_ normal, I want things _be_ normal."

That made the white gem stiffen slightly. "And you think _I_ don't? You think I like…" pressing her lips together, Pearl closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

She could hear Sapphire's voice from the night before: _We need to be careful to not let this come between us. Any of us._

"I'm sorry, Amethyst. But please, try a little harder? We need to do this for him." She tried to sound apologetic, and the purple gem raised her head to meet Pearl's gaze. Her eyes lingered over the cell phone on the counter.

"Whose textin' you this early?" Amethyst asked, nodding her head towards the device.

Pearl glanced at her phone and grimaced. " _I_ sent a message, if you must know, to Connie's mother." She hesitated and looked in the general direction of the bathroom and lowered her voice a little more.

"If we want Connie to be able to join us for this, we need her parents on our side."

Frowning, Amethyst nodded a few times before lowering her head into her arms, mind turning over their conversation from late last night for about the hundredth time.

Garnet had lightly shaken Amethyst back to awareness, and when she opened her eyes, she saw the fusion had a finger pressed against her lips.

"Shh," she motioned her head towards Greg, asleep at the other end of the couch, and gestured for Amethyst to follow her out onto the balcony.

Soon, she and Garnet were at the top of the hill by the lighthouse, dark and peaceful, and she was surprised to find Pearl standing there, and she wasn't alone. It was dark so it was hard to tell at first, but as they got nearer and she squinted her eyes…

" _Pree_?" Amethyst said a little too loudly. Pearl turned to them with a stricken look on her face, lashing Amethyst mutely for her inappropriate volume. The white gem's scowl softened when she saw the regret on the shorter gem's face a moment later.

Prehnite rubbed the back of her head sheepishly, causing her tresses wave like the sea. "Sorry, didn't mean to startle you. Garnet said not to come by warp pad, and I thought this would be easier than Peridot being carried."

The lean gem unfused into her smaller parts, blue and green gems standing neatly next to Pearl with their hands together. Peridot blushed deep green and pulled her hand away, using it to block the flush in her cheeks.

Amethyst snorted at them, amused by their awkward affection, but she was mostly a mixture of confusion and concern. Traveling covertly? That could not be good news.

"O-kay… so what's going on?"

Lapis looked down automatically, eyes coming together hurtfully and rubbing her arm. The green gem next to her looked up at the blue one in concern, started to reach out a comforting hand but drew it back slowly. Pearl's face was totally blank, looking at Garnet – Amethyst couldn't tell if she was furious, happy, calm, or disconcerted.

Garnet was frowning, and one of her hands was twitching. "It's Steven. I… we… we are worried about him."

Using all of her will-power to not roll her eyes, Amethyst crossed her arms and waited for a better explanation.

Pearl turned away from the others, looking out towards the ocean while Garnet continued her explanation.

The fusion spoke slowly, clenching her hands together to still the spasms. "Between what Steven has told Pearl and I independently, some of the possible futures, and trying to make sense of Homeworld's plan…"

She paused, as her voice had become shaky. It was alarming to see Garnet so visibly disturbed, so Peridot and Amethyst exchanged a glance as she went on.

"I… don't think Steven's himself anymore. I mean that literally, we think he's…"

Pearl whispered the words when Garnet failed to do so. "An illusion."

Lapis, Peridot, and Amethyst were needlessly stunned. That couldn't be possible, right?

The three of them, at least, seemed to be on the same page – that was insane.

Lapis spoke first. "That… can't be. How could that be?" Her voice was flat, angry, measured.

Pearl sighed heavily, letting her shoulders fall. "From what he's told us, he's rather a very convincing illusion – like a…" Pearl grimaced, looking at the blue gem. "Like a gem bound to an object – he is obviously sentient, and seems to have Steven's memories, but there are things that he's explained that are literally impossible for him to experience."

The purple gem felt her skin crawl at the thought – she had hugged him tightly when he first stepped out of the ship, worried and afraid but _so_ happy he was alive and home. The prospect that that hadn't been Steven made her stomach twist.

Peridot cupped her chin, skeptical. "Okay... What has he said that's so unbelievable?"

Crossing her arms, Garnet's voice was unconvincing, but only because she was trying to talk herself out of believing it. "Let's start with the dream - the 'Infinity Spire.' It is not possible that it was constructed in so little time, so his dream at least has supplied him – or us – with flawed information. And then there is the matter of the warp stream…"

Subconsciously, Peridot had attached herself to Lapis' side. Amethyst was running her hand through her hair to calm her nerves.

Pearl jumped in. "To feel a warp stream in a dream is… impossible. And the… wound he incurred from Blue was gone. Even if Steven has had somewhat realistic dreams – Lapis, I'm sorry to put you on the spot like this – but you would know better than us."

Turning to look at the blue gem, Pearl noted she was not taking this information well.

"When you were… _under the ocean_ ," Pearl hesitated to mentioned Malachite directly. "Steven came to you in one of his dreams. Did he… seem to feel anything? Was there anything that happened that translated to reality? Was it a continuous memory, or was it disjointed?"

Blue eyes darkening, Lapis spoke quietly. "I'm not sure… You were with him when he woke up?"

Her question was met with mutual nodding from Pearl and Garnet, so she continued.

"Well, we weren't really asleep. It was more like he was in my, er, their mind. At the end of it… we were fully underwater. He did not seem to have any trouble breathing."

Garnet _tsk'_ d angrily, hissing out her next words. "And he didn't wake up coughing or gasping for air…"

After a frustrated groan, Pearl went back to their explanation. "I served White Diamond for nearly three thousand years before… And she is not, nor ever has, demonstrated any sort of telepathic abilities. Unless she has found a way to further develop her own powers, then there's no way she visited Steven in a dream in the first place. So that's misinformation on the Spire, his wound was gone, the sensation of warping, and White Diamond is not telepathic so far as we know. Steven has initiated going to other people's minds before, so unless he sought her out, then it had to be her, which we've established she can't do."

Turning around, Pearl was trying to trace out the logic in her own mind. She and Garnet had talked through this all once already when they went to the grocery store. (Which, she acknowledged, was probably a very strange conversation to overhear in the bread aisle.)

"His dream had to be a false memory."

Peridot was frowning as she held Lapis a little closer. "Well… the dream wasn't real, so what? I don't see how that makes him an illusion."

Stealing a quick look at each other, Garnet and Pearl's faces became haggard.

The white gem held her arms anxiously, and carefully weighed each word before she responded.

"You're right. It does not _necessarily_ mean he is an illusion. There is… another explanation."

Pearl's voice made it clear which option she preferred.

Amethyst was about ready to shake the information out of her. "Well, _what_ _is it_ already?"

Looking towards the ground, Garnet responded after a brief pause.

"There are two scenarios. There is one where Steven is not here, and she has somehow manufactured a very convincing copy. She is a master illusionist, so it would be like the magic in Rose's room in the Temple, but even more realistic. Meaning…"

The purple gem fell backwards to the ground, landing roughly on her backside, but she did not care.

Her face fell into her hands. "Meaning the _real_ Steven is still on Homeworld."

Pearl's voice was tight, but she nodded. Peridot and Lapis were looking between her and each other.

"Or…" Pearl started to say, covering her own eyes with one hand.

" _Or_ he is really here, like we've thought the whole time."

Lapis stepped forward excitedly, hands balled into fists with her warring emotions. "Okay, well, that's _good_ then. That means he's safe."

Removing her visor, Garnet's face was pained. "Yes, but…"

Peridot gasped, covering her mouth with a hand. _Now_ she understood.

She leaned her head back and closed her eyes, a mixture of frustration and anger and disappointment. "Noo…"

Amethyst and Lapis looked at her while Garnet and Pearl looked at each other. It was hard to say which pair was more disturbed.

"That means the real Steven is here with us, but White Diamond would be controlling his mind, his memories, or both."

Garnet sighed heavily. "And, if it's the first one, I don't think this Steven knows the difference. Why would he? If White Diamond created… _him_ , I doubt make she would make that sort of identity-crisis-inducing information available to its mind."

Pearl sat down next to Amethyst on the ground and patted her head absently. Her voice was hollow.

"And, if it's the second one, we don't know how much White Diamond is able to control him. She's at least created the false dream, which he claims to believe is real, meaning she has access to his mind at minimum…"

Lapis sank down to the ground too, and Peridot and Garnet soon followed. Now they were all sitting quietly, thinking about their choices, desperately trying to connect different dots to different pieces of evidence, wanting to believe there was _some_ other explanation.

Eventually, Amethyst muttered "I'm not sure which is even worse."

No one said anything for a while after that.

Lapis knew certainly which she thought was worse – the latter, of course. The former would be terrible, meaning that they had _really_ failed, and that their reality was, well… a twisted lie. Steven would still be on Homeworld, and they hadn't been able to tell the difference. They more-or-less celebrated and were ready to move on when, in fact, he might very well still be a prisoner beyond the stars.

But if he _wasn't_ a prisoner… that meant he was really here with them, but White Diamond still had her hands around him. If she could control his memories, then what else could she manipulate?

 _He's ruined._

It was a whisper, Malachite or maybe even Jasper, and she bit down hard on her tongue. Lapis wanted to deny the thought, but a tiny part of her, well… agreed.

If they go back and destroy White Diamond, what would _happen_ to his mind? She couldn't even imagine – her consciousness still felt twisted and disturbed from what happened with Malachite, even with the joy her heart felt in forming Blue Prehnite. One was a matter of her head, the other was a matter of her heart, and they would likely never be in harmony again. This may not be fusion, which he very well may never want to do again as it is, this was something else. Not two minds combining into one, but two separate minds vying for control in the same body.

And if it came to him still being on Homeworld, they were surely beaten. Someone would have to rather destroy the illusion – probably by killing it and establishing that it wouldn't die – or, maybe even worse, try to _reason_ with it. Imagine, she thought darkly, someone trying to explain to you that you're not at all who you _think_ you are, and that in fact you're a derivative of a real person. A _distraction_ , at best.

"Ugh," she said aloud, smacking a fist into the grass. One option meant their external reality was wrong, or the other meant his internal reality was damaged; one meant they were right back where they started, the other meant he was not only irreparably damaged, but… a threat.

Not optimistically, the blue gem lifted her head. "And I don't suppose we could just… ask Danburite or Blue Pearl?"

Garnet turned the idea over, but her mouth was a hard line. "I don't think so. We all heard Danburite get shattered originally in the Kindergarten. The fact that she's returned is proof enough that Steven's ability to heal shattered gems worked, so the first part of their story must be true. The last thing we know to be fact was Steven healed Danburite. After that, anything is possible. Otherwise, Dani could not be here."

"Unless she's an illusion too," Amethyst grumbled miserably.

Peridot's head shot up. "Oh, I've got it!"

Most of them looked at her, though not very hopefully.

"The only way to know for sure that Steven is real is his _powers_. He's half-gem, so he should be able to, you know, do that stuff. Heal cracked gems, use his shield. Even if he's a perfect replica in appearance, personality, everything – I am fairly confident White Diamond could not fabricate his abilities, otherwise, why would she need _any_ gems? If she could just make an army of emulations, then she would obviously just do that for all gems. Has anyone actually seen him use his powers yet?"

A tense silence followed while they wracked their brains, all of them coming up with a firm no.

"Then there's only one way to know for sure, right?" Peridot only sounded a tiny bit excited, given that she was usually bursting with enthusiasm – she had to agree with Amethyst on this one. She wasn't sure which truth was worse – him being an illusion and having to start all over, or him being real and entirely vulnerable to whatever White Diamond wanted.

Pearl grew thoughtful for a moment while there was a murmur of agreement from the others.

"There is one small problem…"

She stood up and started to pace, something to busy her legs while she used her hands to made gestures in time with her words.

"I _know_ White Diamond. If I had expected her level of involvement last time…we should have been more prepared. Right now, we need to be careful. She's all about information, and if we reveal what we know, she will already have a plan on how to react. In either case, we can't just… _ask_ Steven to summon his shield to prove he's real, or tell him what we know, because then White Diamond will know. If he's not real, she'll know that we've figured her out; if he is, and she can manipulate his mind, then she'll _still_ know we've figured her out. So, I think we – " but she was cut-off suddenly when there was a bright flash of color in front of them.

A few rolling thuds were followed by a maelstrom of apologies and disgruntled cries. Ruby and Sapphire rolled into the dirt in opposite directions.

" _Sapphire!_ I'm sorry, I'm sorry, are you okay?" Immediately, Ruby was up and running towards the blue gem as she lifted herself off the grass.

The others were struck by the sudden split, although they had all noted at one time or another Garnet starting to twitch.

Calmly, Sapphire let Ruby help her to her feet. "Yes, I am fine. Hello, everyone. Our…"

She frowned and looked at Ruby.

"Apologies."

A blue hand moved to Ruby's face tenderly, and the red gem addressed the others without moving her eyes off of Sapphire.

"Right, we're sorry. We… it's just too much to handle right now. I think we need to process separately," Ruby laughed lightly and took Sapphire's hand from her face, holding it in her own.

"You know me," she said sheepishly. "I just want to be mad. And oh, I _am_."

Sapphire pulled Ruby down to sit with her. "But we're on very different planes right now. Be patient with us, please, we won't be apart for very long."

The little red gem nodded firmly, squeezing the blue one's hand. They were not out-of-sync, not exactly, just overwhelmed. They were both mad, but the anger was different, and they couldn't agree on which of the dualities was more troubling. Harder still, Sapphire was trying to look ahead and Ruby was doing her best to support her, but with the fiery gem's own speculations and theories thrown in was actually impeding Garnet's future vision.

Pearl and Amethyst exchanged a worried look, but did not question them – the pair seemed to be happy, if unstable, and they couldn't fault them for that. They were never very good at being Opal for long, and given the circumstances…

"So, P, you were saying?" Amethyst nodded at Pearl, crossing her arms.

Blinking and shaking her head, Pearl cleared her throat. "R-right. I think we should try to get _him_ to use his powers. It would be a bad idea to just ask him; we have to get it out of him naturally. If Garnet was right, and I think she is, he should not know he's an illusion if he is one, so he will try to use his powers and it won't work."

Lapis stood up, and her face made it clear she was considering Pearl's suggestion seriously. "I don't know… I just, I have a bad feeling about this. I agree that White Diamond shouldn't know that we know, whatever the case, but…" the ocean gem turned to look at the water that endowed her with the same title.

"But what if he is still out there? What are we supposed to _do_ if we've been wrong about him? I don't know if we can just, learn the truth and then ship back off to Homeworld after the real him. _Again_."

Peridot understood what she was getting it. "I have to agree with Lapis on this one, because if we're back at square one, everything we've done or said around him has been compromised. And if he is real, what are we supposed to do with that information? I… I sort of feel like no matter what we do, she's got us cornered."

Amethyst kicked a rock at her feet, annoyed that they were right. "We can't just go on our merry way with a possible illusion of Steven for the rest of our lives… What will we do about Connie, or Greg?"

She looked at Pearl. "We would have to tell them what we know, it wouldn't be fair to keep this from them. That would be messed up."

Ruby was nodding, her arms crossed. She appeared to be deep in thought. "Well, we could clue Connie in first. She might have an idea we haven't thought of?"

Glancing at her partner, Sapphire frowned and said nothing.

They were quiet for a while, considering how to proceed through an impossible situation, with the exceptional mutter from Peridot.

" _Clods… pebbles… ruddy, cloddy clods…_ "

Eventually, Lapis released a low breath and asked if Peridot would like to return to the barn with her – apparently, she needed some time to think.

They both left shortly after that, saying they would keep Peridot's tablet handy if the others needed to get in touch quickly. Amethyst and Pearl watched them go, separate this time.

Ruby rubbed Sapphire's arm encouragingly. "Any thoughts, Sapphy?"

The dignified gem looked down at her hands in her lap thoughtfully. "I suppose we can ask Connie what she thinks, but Pearl is right… Until we can come up with a better plan, we have to just act as normal as possible around him. White Diamond can't suspect that we know anything, and if this is really Steven, we don't want to be cruel. He's… he's _our_ Steven."

Always wise, even when it hurts.

Reluctantly, they all agreed and slowly went their separate ways, starting with Sapphire asking Ruby to join her in the Temple.

Before they left, Sapphire looked back at the others. "Remember, we have to be careful. We can't let this come between us," she smiled at Ruby but turned to Pearl and Amethyst, too. "Any of us."

The small things are what matters, Steven decided, as he used a towel to dry his after stepping out of the hot shower. It felt good on his skin to have a _real_ shower – he had running water in White Diamond's prison, but that was a far stretch from a real bathroom. Towels, heat regulation, his own clothes – he was glad Pearl suggested it, because this was the best he's felt since being back.

After brushing his hair and changing, Steven looked at his face in the mirror again. He still looked deadbeat tired, and he felt it too.

Absently, Steven wondered what Blue Pearl and Dani did last night – he knew they did not return to the Beach House with him when he decided it was time to try to "sleep." He hoped they could find companionship in each other here, and after their hug, he had hope. They at least had each other.

Exiting the bathroom, Steven stretched his arms over his head refreshingly. Last night was emotionally exhausting, and going through it all again with the others would be even harder, but he thought he could manage if Dani and Blue Pearl would be there.

To his surprise, however, there was no one here. Not even his dad had come back in yet, and Steven couldn't decide if he was relieved or disturbed. Last night, he had wanted nothing but to be alone, and now that he was…

"Pearl?" He called out nervously, looking over the landing to see if she was tidying up his already tidy room. Nothing.

Turning around to look at the warp pad and the Temple door, he felt his stomach twist. "A-Amethyst?"

A pause – nothing.

He clutched the side of his head, slightly panicked. "Phew, it's okay Steven. Calm down. Probably just …outside?"

Steven walked out onto the balcony, ignoring the food left neatly on the plate for him at the kitchen counter, and scanned the beach. There were plenty of beach-goers, some of whom he recognized – _is that Lars? On the beach? Doesn't seem like his kind of thing, but okay…_ – but none of whom were his caretakers or his fellow refugees or the pink girl he perhaps wanted to see most of all. Even his dad's signature van was gone.

Steven turned on his heel and went back into the house, actually starting to panic now. Where was everyone? Should he go look for them? Would they have gone to the barn all the sudden? It wasn't likely that they would leave without a note unless they left in a hurry. Did that mean something was wrong? Or were about to be right back and didn't feel it was necessary? But where was his Dad?

Where was _everyone_?

Steven sat at the couch, his nerves too wrought to want to eat the wonderful smelling food Pearl had prepared for him at this moment. Naturally, it would be his luck that when he's ready to finally lay it all out there, everyone is gone.

Steven groaned when he realized his dad had taken back his cellphone, which, he acknowledged, felt like a very teenager like thing to do, but he couldn't help it.

 _I don't even know how much time I have left here…_

And suddenly, Steven felt very frantic. He had been so wrapped up in his emotions that he had all but forgotten White Diamond's "assignment" for him.

 _Blinded as you are by your sentimentality._

Steven shot up in a fit of nerves, very aware that she had been exactly right. As always. What was he supposed to do, he had no idea where Pink Diamond's shards were, and he had not seen Garnet since yesterday, and Pearl and Amethyst were gone now.

After sitting for five minutes, trying and failing to calm himself down, Steven decided he couldn't just do nothing. At the very least, he needed to go outside and try to find them, so he found some scrap paper and a pen and left another message on the counter.

 _Hi –_

 _Sorry. Everyone was gone and I had no way of contacting anyone – I'm just going to head into Beach City and look for you. If I find you, then you'll never see this note 'cause I'll toss it when we get home! If you find me, even better._

 _I love you._

 _Steven_


	7. Awareness and Dissociation

There was something about seeing Lars Barriga on a beach, playing in the sand with a pretty girl that made Steven automatically smile through his worries. He had missed Lars, and Sadie, and even Onion, and everyone more than he had realized.

"Hey, Lars!" He said, waving a hand over his head. The lanky teen turned around, shielded his eyes from the sun and went comically slack-jawed. Steven wasn't sure, but it looked like he went pale, too.

"S-Steven? I – you're _back?_ " His voice caught in his throat and he started to run forward, but slowed himself to a cool swagger a moment later.

Steven grinned weakly, rubbing his scarred arm. He was glad he chose another hoodie today.

"Y-yeah… Long time no see. What'cha doing?" Steven peered behind Lars to see the girl looking at them curiously.

Before Lars could answer, he lowered his voice seriously. "I hope Sadie knows about this…"

The teen let his head fall back on his shoulders, looking upwards and groaning. "Geez, Steven, you're _still_ a twerp. That's my cousin Melanie. And why would _Sadie_ care?"

Steven smiled and waved at Melanie from behind Lars, who returned the gesture shyly.

"Well, since, you know, you and Sadie are…" He lifted his hands in front of him and formed a little heart by curling his fingers.

Jokingly, Lars slapped his hands apart. "Oh, pff, Steven how many times do I – hey, are you alright?"

He cocked his head to one side in concern, as Steven had flinched so violently he almost fell backwards when Lars hit him. He immediately felt guilty, knowing Lars hadn't mean anything by it, but his reflexes were not what they used to be – everything was defensive.

"Uh, yeah, s-sorry." Steven said, rubbing the back of his head casually. "Have you seen my family?"

"Uhh, no…" Lars said absently, his eyes following Steven's arm – part of the sleeve got caught up when he rubbed his head, and there were strange marks that went further up into his sleeve.

Blinking and focusing his attention on Steven's face, Lars realized he answered that question improperly. "Actually, wait, yeah. I think I saw your dad and a couple of other of the weird magic ladies hanging around his van this morning. Don't know where they went, though."

"Oh," was all Steven said. At least he had a sense that they were all probably together, but if anything, that made him more nervous. Where would the Gems go, with his Dad, that was so important they didn't leave a note to tell him about it?

"Well… thanks, anyways. Have fun with your cousin. I'll see ya…" Steven started to walk away, thinking about where they might have gone. His Dad's car wash seemed like the next most logical place in town, so he figured he would –

"Hey, Steven?"

Turning around, he was surprised to see Lars had come after him. The tall teenager knelt down in the sand and looked at Steven with a strange frown on his face.

"Are you… sure you're alright?" Lars' voice was surprisingly sincere.

His eyes flickered to the exposed part of his arm, which Steven realized was now visible. He quickly slipped the sleeve down again, and before he could answer, Lars continued.

"Listen, I don't know what all happened, but, a lot of people here were… worried. Just, you know," he rolled his eyes to feign nonchalance. "Don't go disappearing again, at least not until you've gotten on my nerves. If you're not around to annoy me, then I don't have an excuse to be a jerk."

Steven smiled warmly at him and offered him a high-five to the chest, which Lars returned before returning to his cousin.

"Wow," he said as he started to walk towards the boardwalk, holding a hand to his cheek. "I think that's the nicest Lars has ever been to me."

Continuing along, Steven wracked his brain for potential reasons the Gems could have left with his dad. Really, the only time they willingly got together with his father was when something was going on with him or that one time with the Wailing Stone, but neither of those explanations made sense. Steven would have been able to hear the Wailing Stone if it went off, and _he_ was walking into Beach City utterly alone.

Just as he passed by the Big Donut – peaking in, he noticed Sadie was taking a phone call, or else he might have gone in to talk to her – Steven froze up. The possibilities started to click together – if it had to be about the Wailing Stone or him, and it wasn't about the Wailing Stone, then what was it about _him_ they would need to talk to his dad about without him?

"Ugh, stupid…" he smacked a palm to his forehead and walked around the corner to the back of the Big Donut, stopping to think.

 _They're talking about you, obviously. And if it's something that they didn't want to talk about in front of you, then it's probably something bad._

Steven slumped down to the ground, pushing his back against the brick wall along the far side of the building. Should he go look for them after all? Obviously they didn't want him around for whatever conversation they were having, which was hurtful, but he couldn't necessarily say he was surprised.

 _For them to value you so much, I would have at least expected them to be honest with you._

"Me too…" he muttered quietly.

" _Steven?_ Is that you?"

Jumping at the unexpected call of his name, Steven bolted upright and found a welcome sight quickly followed by a very _unwelcome_ sight.

"You know this kid?" Kevin asked Jamie, the latter looking absolutely thrilled to see him.

"Well, obviously," Jamie said to him, raising an eyebrow. "Everybody knows him. How are you?! We've all been super worried. Even the post office has started to collect your mail in a pile, it was getting to be too much to lug back and forth from your house without you there."

Jamie came closer and knelt down with a grin on his face, and Kevin did not move. His arms were crossed with a skeptical look on his face, but he remained quiet.

Steven looked between them in confusion – he had never realized they knew each other. "Oh, er, y-yeah… It's nice to see you too Jamie. _Kevin_ ," Steven nodded once in greeting, his tone acidic.

"Hmm," was all he said, looking away. At least he wasn't blatantly insulting him.

Shifting his attention back to the postman, Steven realized he hadn't seen Jamie in day-clothes since their big debut on Beach-City-Broadway.

"What are you guys up to?" Steven asked directly to Jamie.

Looking over his shoulder at the arrogant jerk, Jamie batted a hand. "Oh, we were actually going to get some lunch. You should come with? I've got this new idea for a show, and I bet you would love it." He turned back to Steven excitedly, his hands balled into fists of energy.

Normally, he would have gladly accepted the offer to spend time with Jamie, but Kevin and Steven both had one thing in common – neither were jumping at the opportunity to spend their free time together.

"Um, no, that's okay. Maybe another time. I'm going to see my dad actually," Steven semi-lied.

Standing up, Jamie frowned but didn't pressure him. "Well, all's well that ends well. Glad you're back – and I'll apologize in advance. Tomorrow is going to be _quite_ the haul of mail."

They left after that, and Steven leaned his head back against the wall. He had forgotten how much _energy_ social interactions took – smiling, reacting appropriately, keeping up conversations. So much of the past month was spend rather alone or in the presence of less-than-talkative gems, with the exception of White Diamond, who seemed to do nothing but talk to him.

 _We – you and I – exist in a different plane than them, in which time is a tool and answers are attainable._

Steven groaned and pushed his hands into his eyes, already feeling exhausted from the little activity he's done today. Naturally, his lack of sleep was starting to catch up to him.

Why did she _always_ have to be right? She had been referring to the rest of the Gems, and not only had she been right, but it went deeper than that. Since he's been back – indeed, even since he left Earth – nothing has been the same. Time stopped mattering, he learned more about himself than he really even wanted to, he came to terms with how much he really loved Connie, which made losing her all the more painful.

It's just like Dani said: _you can't return to your old life._ It was a mistake to try to do so at all, talking to Lars and Jamie only made him realize how much he had changed.

Awareness and dissociation, all at once.

The more he learned about Homeworld, the Gems, his mother, White Diamond, himself, the less he felt like himself, less like Steven, more like a gem, less like a human, more like a Quartz. He _was_ a Quartz, a Rose Quartz, but he used to feel like he was more than that. Was he?

Well, yes, but maybe he didn't really want to be – he thought about the easy smile Lars had just given him and how excited Jamie had been to see him. He even thought about Kevin's stupid scowl, and how easy his life as just Steven Universe was, but in reality, he was Steven _Quartz_ Universe.

Gem and human, awareness and dissociation, all at once.

The worst part was the hopelessness he felt right now – he was about one step away from just giving up. Wouldn't it just be easier on everyone? He could stop all of this madness right now if he was just…

Steven grimaced. He hated the idea – he had wanted to die a handful of times when he was on Homeworld, to make it all stop, but that had been different. That had been out of desperation and fear and pain. Holly Blue Agate, the strands of his mind after their fusion, the kiss from the White Sapphire, the yellow, blue, and white veins, the crack across his gemstone… All of it had been because he hadn't been a proper state of mind, not because he _wanted_ to die. But now…?

What were his options? Live, and go back to White Diamond, with Pink Diamond's shards – who knows what she would do with them? Heal lost gems, do _something_ to artificial fusions that made him shutter, and spend the rest of his life wishing he wasn't there.

Die, and well… what would she really do? She needed him for all of this – he was the " _key_ ," wasn't he? What good is a locked door if you can't open it? Maybe, just maybe, it would be for the best…

What would the fall-out look like? Surely she would come after the Earth, but it sounded like she was going to do that anyways if Steven didn't get his act together, and if she had been telling the truth, the Gems were gearing up to declare war _against_ her anyways.

Ugh – but that was just it. He couldn't give up because if he didn't convince the Gems to stop, White Diamond would destroy them. Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl who called this place home for thousands of years, and Lapis and Peridot who finally seemed to feel secure, and Dani and Blue Pearl who had no one else and nowhere else to go. His Dad, who smiled and laughed and made music, and Connie, who was so kind, so beautiful, so _good_ that he almost started to cry. And Lars and Sadie, and Onion, Sour Cream and Jenny and Buck, and Buck's Dad and the Pizzas and the Frymans. And Jamie and Barb and Vidalia and Mr. Smiley and even Kevin and Marty and everyone else, good and bad. They were the ones who would suffer, if not directly, then indirectly, and Steven didn't want that.

He _had_ to go back to White Diamond. He couldn't give up, but it was hard.

So, so hard.

The more everything made sense, the less he wanted it to.

Awareness and dissociation, all at once.

When Pearl and Amethyst showed up at the barn that morning, Peridot and Lapis had not been expecting good news, but they had certainly not been expecting _such_ bad news.

Both of their expressions were stone-cold, so Peridot was not surprised they brushed off her offer to come inside and chat.

"No, I'm afraid there's been another change. We still don't know about him," Pearl lifted a thin hand to stop Lapis before she had the chance to ask the question.

The blue gem crossed her arms and looked dubious. "Well, what's the emergency, then?"

"Same old story," Amethyst said, looking at the ground. "Earth's in trouble, corrupted gem, blah blah blah. Only problem is – "

The blue gem frowned, crossing her arms and studying her feet. "Right… Steven. How do you know?"

She could have guessed the answer, but wanted to be sure.

Pearl answered her. "Sapphire came out of the Temple this morning, briefly. She's… still separated, but, anyways – apparently there is some sort of gem activity near the Geode. It's likely little more than a corrupted gem drawn to its energy somewhere in the area, but it's about time we go back and check to make sure it is still holding up."

Tugging at one of the ends of her star-shaped hair, Peridot jumped in. "Is someone with him now? Steven, I mean."

Amethyst nodded. "Yeah, he was showering when we left and Greg was going to be right back. Dans and Blue Pearl were outside with him, I think, so they'll probably all be there with him. Ruby and Sapphire are still in the Temple, but they'll be coming out soon."

"Together?" Peridot probed, but neither of them really knew when they would reform as Garnet. Pearl and Amethyst exchanged a look and ultimately shrugged.

Lapis nodded thoughtfully. After the whole fiasco in space, and her new bond with Peridot, she still did not consider herself a "Crystal Gem" in title, but she did not see why she could not ally herself with them – especially given the volatility of Steven's "situation" – under certain circumstances. Lapis cared for Peridot and Steven, and she had gone through a certain amount of first-hand horrors with Pearl and Connie, so she was willing to lend her services when called upon. She told herself that it definitely, in no way, had anything to with the pleading green eyes she would have to deal with if she said no.

"What do we have to do?" She asked after her reflective pause.

"Well," Pearl said. "Some of us should stay, and some of us should go. We can't leave him unattended amongst humans for very long, if something were to, well…" Her voice darkened, and the others understood what she was getting at.

Amethyst interjected before Pearl could continue. "Personally, I think we should take him – this could be the perfect time to see if his powers are, erm, _working_?" She was going to say "real," but that sort of terminology still made her uncomfortable.

Lapis and Peridot exchanged a look, and Pearl had turned around with her arms crossed.

"I'm not sure, to be honest," the white gem said, not offensively.

Thoughtful, Peridot rubbed her chin. "Did Sapphire say anything?"

Amethyst scoffed. "You've met her. She's not exactly chatty."

"I don't know why they're sitting around in the Temple. I've sort of got a bad feeling about it…" Pearl said quietly, but before the others could question her further, her voice returned to regular pitch.

"Anyways – right. Ruby and Sapphire said they will meet us here in an hour, so we've got a bit of time to prepare," she said, flipping open her cell phone.

"I am going to go try to talk to the Maheswarans – the more people the better, especially if we don't have Garnet."

Pearl started to walk away to call the so-named family, so Lapis and Peridot turned to speak to each other while Amethyst moved and sat down on some hay.

She hit the speed dial – a feature she did appreciate in human technology – and waited for the ringing on the other side.

"Hello ma'am, Connie speaking." She answered the phone as she always did, and Pearl smirked.

"Hello, Connie. I'm glad you picked up – are you available for a mission?"

By the time she had fully changed into her training gear, Connie's mother had come back to her room with her cell phone – Pearl had agreed to talk to her on Connie's behalf, hopeful that she could convince her to let Connie join them.

"Hey, sweetie…?" Priyanka's voice was uncharacteristically soft, and Connie had to stifle a groan. That meant she was about to get a "no," and her mom was feeling guilty so she was trying to play up the _because we love you_ excuse.

"Yes, mother?" Connie's voice was curt.

She entered Connie's room fully, holding her daughter's cell phone out and frowning at her when she saw she had already changed into her training gear, and had her protective wrap out for her hands.

Sighing, she placed the phone down on her desk. "I don't want you to go."

Connie lowered her head, studying her feet. She had to resist the urge to hiss at her mother for not understanding the severity of the situation. Though her explanation left something to be desired, Pearl had told Connie that she wasn't sure if they would bring Steven with them on this mission. In truth, she would not have given it a second thought – they had just gotten him back, he's still not regained his strength – but there was something in Pearl's voice that suggested something was wrong, but at that point she asked to speak to her mother, so Connie would have to hold her questions until later.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, Priyanka gave her daughter a tired smile. "But I won't stop you."

Brow drawn incredulously, Connie's head shot up as if she had misheard her. After all that's happened, she expected her mother to be stricter than ever.

The woman could see the surprise on her face, so she crossed her arms and looked at the floor.

"I want you to know that I would not let you go if I felt I had a choice… We had a conversation with Mr. Universe the other night and he put some things into perspective – you're a part of the… well, _that_ ," she gestured towards a picture on Connie's desk of her and Steven sitting together, smiling, before she was pink and he was broken.

"And as much as I wish you were content on just being here with us, I know you're just too good for that, Connie. The scope of the things you're involved in… I wish I could have protected you from it, but it is clear to me that… well, _tiṭṭik keṭṭārumillai, vāḻtti vāḻntārumillai."_

Connie was taken aback by her mother's sudden honesty, and even more surprised by one of the old proverbs that her grandmother would say. She looked at the clock on the wall – 11:06 AM. They were supposed to meet at the barn at around noon, but she would prefer to be there early, so Connie tried to multitask by wrapping her hands and responding to her mother's kindness.

"T-thanks, mom… I'm sorry I can't just live a simple life like you guys might have wanted," she let out a small sigh, voice growing sad. Connie really never meant to hurt her parents in all of this.

"But I love you, _and_ the Gems, _and_ this crazy magical life because… because I can make a difference. A _real_ difference, if that makes sense?"

Her mother came over to her and took the bandages from her, so Connie looked up at her face. She was smiling warmly, but her eyes were bit reserved.

"Connie, I have no doubt that you would make a difference, magic or not. You're smart and brave and wise beyond your years… _But_ if there are ultra-powerful forces out there that want to hurt our planet? Well," she smirked and started to wrap her daughter's hands.

"You can be sure _my_ daughter is going to be the one to stop them."

Sapphire sat calmly at the base of the bubble room, watching Ruby trace a burnt oval into the ground. She was watching something else, too – the future – watching it all fall apart.

Ruby, on the contrary, wasn't watching anything – her mind was aflame with injustice and anger and betrayal.

"I don't understand how it could happen," she muttered for the thousandth time.

Sapphire said nothing, watching her repeat her actions again, stuck in a continuous loop of disbelief.

"How could he do that to us? To _you!_ Me, maybe, but you?" She clenched her fists angrily. Sapphire did not blame her – but she did not blame _him_ , either.

Ruby stopped for a moment, shooting a dirty look at the blue bubble with a round yellow gemstone in one corner of the room.

"It all could have been different if _she_ hadn't come back with him."

Sapphire was considering that possibility, but she could only see the future, not the past.

"We only have another thirty minutes or so before the others are expecting us, Ruby." The blue gem said evenly, trying to be patient with her partner as she went through the motions.

In response, the red gem rubbed a hand against her face in annoyance – Sapphire knew it wasn't annoyance aimed at her, so she did not take offence.

"Sapphy…" she said quietly, coming to sit next to her. "What are we supposed to _do_?"

"I…" she said, voice heavy with emotion. "I am not sure. Steven is in a lot of pain right now, so we have to remember whatever he's going through, he can't rationalize it. _If_ he's here, of course." Her usually melodic voice lowered several octaves towards the end.

Ruby laid down on the ground, looking up into their hundreds – or was it thousands? – of bubbles they had all accumulated at this point. "He never should have been a part of this."

"Maybe so," was all Sapphire could manage. She really did not like to linger on the past – indeed, she was almost literally unable to do so.

"I…" Ruby said quietly, turning her head to look at the beautiful, breathtaking gem to her left. God, how she loved her.

"I don't want to lose him."

" _I don't want to lose him_." She repeated the phrase with emphasis, the hurt in her voice obvious.

Sapphire turned to look at her, placing a blue hand gently on top of her red one. "Ruby… The cost would be…"

"I-I know, Sapphire. But we won't be able to stop Pearl." She looked away, squeezing her eyes shut. Though it was a moot point, Ruby still wanted to hide her tears from her partner, not wanting to add to her mounting stress.

"No, we won't…" Sapphire felt her own heart twist at the notion of losing her. Sardonyx would die along with her.

"And if we back her up…?" Ruby asked the question, but she already knew the answer – she had known it before they unfused.

"It would be a foolish endeavor, but it's not impossible. I've," she chuckled darkly. "I've actually calculated the risk, if you'd like to hear it."

Ruby very much wanted to hear it – she loved when Sapphire explained her future vision in lay terms. As Garnet, of course, she could feel and see the future, but it was usually Sapphire who guided that and made sense of it all. She knew Sapphire could do it, but even after thousands of years, it still eluded Ruby to some extent.

Besides, Ruby just liked to listen to Sapphire's pretty voice.

Pursuing her lips, the blue gem considered how best to explain, answering slowly. "It's arithmetic, which I know is not your… favorite," she smiled coyly at her red counterpart, who grinned sheepishly.

"But it's a matter of risk perception. It's impossible, really, to attribute certain values to people and their lives and _our_ lives – because, we are not in a position to make the choices of others… but we still know what others will do."

Ruby nodded, sitting up to face her properly.

"So… if we arbitrarily assign two choices, it's possible to see just, well, _how_ bad our odds are. And they aren't very good." She frowned, folding her hands in her lap neatly.

"Option one – we let him go through with this, and do nothing. We'll lose Pearl and Lapis at least, Amethyst and Peridot are possibilities… Connie is an unknown with her current state, but I doubt it would be a good outcome. I would say that is… on a scale of one to ten, a three. Which would be…"

Scowling, Ruby started to shake again with anger, saying one word. " _Bad_."

"Yes," Sapphire sighed and continued. "Then, there's option two. We not only try to stop him, but we help Pearl. There's a very, very low likelihood we would come out of it alive – maybe, ten percent. If we do, though, our outcome would be… maybe seven or eight on the same scale. There would be casualties, but not as many. And there's the other ninety percent…"

A red hand cupped her blue face as her voice grew more desperate. Ruby pushed her bangs aside lightly to look right at her, eyes lined with tears.

"The other ninety percent, the outcome is zero."

Leaning closer, Ruby smiled gently and wiped away her tears. "Thank you for telling me, Sapphy. I understand now. I just wish I didn't have to – and I wish you didn't have to deal with this."

The fiery gem closed the gap between their faces and kissed Sapphire softly, trying to steal the sorrow from her and take it upon herself.

"I don't want to lose him, Ruby.. but I don't want to lose you. Does that – am I…"

" _Shh_ , it's okay." Ruby leaned her forehead into Sapphire's, both of her eyes closed. "We'll figure it out – I promise, we won't let it get to that point. We'll start with the Geode, then we'll try to talk to Connie and Pearl. There's still hope yet, I know it."

Sapphire didn't want to be disparaging, and the sudden warmth spreading through her with their closeness made her feel considerably better, but her doubts ran deep.

"Hope…? How, the future – "

Ruby pulled back and played with her soft white hair.

"The future only tells us probabilities and outcomes, right? Well…" she started to stand so they could join the others for the mission, offering Sapphire a hand. "What the future _can't_ tell are feelings. I have you, and I _love_ you. I won't let an event or a mistake or even a loss take that away, because those things… they're all possibilities. We were and _are_ an _impossibility_ , Sapphy. If you're okay with taking the chance, I think I am, too. I don't want the… sure thing, and I don't want the zero outcome," her mouth turned down when she said it, but her voice lost none of its zeal. "And I don't even want the seven or the eight – I want all ten, all one hundred percent. I believe in us – in impossibilities. Will you… will you try to change the future, with me?"

Ruby blushed at the end, turning a deeper red and looking shyly at her feet – Sapphire had started smiling at her, turning the red gem self-conscious.

How could someone so beautiful, so dignified, so important love _her,_ a disposable guard?

How could someone so powerful, so brave, so determined love _her,_ a precocious aristocrat?

They hugged tightly, and Ruby was twirling automatically and Sapphire had started to giggle so beautifully it was like a song, and soon Ruby was laughing too, loving her, and Sapphire loved her in return.

Adjusting her visor, Garnet exited the bubble room and headed for the barn.

After about ten minutes had passed, Steven stood up and decided it would be best just to abandon the undertaking all together. No matter what he did, trying to reconnect his new life with the old would never go over well – he would leave again, hurting their feelings, or he would stay, and put them in danger. Either way, it was unlikely they would be very happy with his decision, but that was his whole life anymore.

But considering both options was silly anyways – Steven had made his choice, sitting there on the ground. He was going back to Homeworld.

Part of him wished he could find Lion, the pink beast his only source of semi-agency. Even if he and Connie were both subject to get in trouble from such an axiomatic display of disobedience, he felt like he couldn't even be bothered to care about being chided by Garnet or to have a disappointed lecture from Pearl. He would disappoint them anyways, so why bother with the small things anymore?

Walking back towards the house, Steven was talking to himself, turning over what he wanted to say when he would eventually see her.

"Connie, I love you."

"I'm really sorry about what happened before. I wish the circumstances had been different, but what I said back there was true – I love you Connie."

"You're… just, amazing! I wish I had told you a hundred times already, but I love you. It's okay if you don't feel the same, I just couldn't leave again without telling you."

"I don't want to go. I mean it. I… just wish we could grow up… together."

He had started to cry unwittingly, thinking about it. It was true – he wasn't sure if it was physiologically or biologically possible that they would really _grow_ together, but he wanted it so badly. To see her become president, and win a noble prize in math or something, because she could do anything she wanted. That's how incredible she was – and Steven was… what? Magical? That sounds glamorous for the first ten minutes, but there's more baggage that came along with it then he cared for. Steven might be magical, but he was also dangerous.

And now? Now he was alone, tasked with an impossible "assignment" from someone who he feared and hated and… what was it? Not respect, not exactly, it was more like… _envy_?

Climbing the steps to his home, a shiver ran up his spine at the thought, but why bother denying it to himself? There was good reason to envy White Diamond, at least when he compared himself to her – she was in control, powerful, wise, and could seemingly accomplish literally anything she wanted.

She owned an empire, plotted, planned, subordinated time and reality to meet her agenda.

And Steven? Steven couldn't even tell Connie that he loved her.

Reaching his hand up to open the door, Steven yelped and jumped backwards – there was someone standing there, starring at him, waiting for him.

" _Onion_? G-geez, you scared me."

The little child said nothing, his face a strange scowl. Steven had no idea how he got in the house, but then, it wouldn't be the first time Onion's broken in somewhere he didn't belong.

Steven opened the door after he managed to breathe again, and to his surprise, Onion launched forward and hugged him.

Automatically, Steven went rigid in his grasp, not necessarily appreciating physical contact right now. The sensation of wrapping his arms around something was too close to how his mind felt with Holly Blue Agate…

"H-hey, Onion, I missed you." Steven carefully patted the top of his head before pushing him away.

To his surprise, Onion was crying.

Steven was alarmed, naturally. He led Onion into the house and had him sit on the couch, so he sat next to him. Absently, Steven made a note that there was still no one here.

"Hey, i-it's alright. What's wrong? We're okay, see?" Steven placed his hands against his chest to show he was okay, and here, and that Onion was just as tangible as he was. Of course, his mind flickered with guilt, but right now he needed to get his young friend to stop crying.

The mute child shook his head though, crossing his arms and looking away. Steven couldn't make sense of what was wrong – had he said or done something to upset him?

"What is it? You can tell me, here, do you want something to drink? It usually helps to calm me down." Steven got up and went towards the counter, grabbing his long-forgotten cranberry juice that Pearl had put out for breakfast. He brought the glass over to the child, standing next to him and putting an arm around his shoulders.

"See, that's better, right?" Steven tried to give him an encouraging smile, and Onion had started to calm down. Wiping at his cheeks, the boy accepted the cup, got up, poured it down the sink, and brought the cup back to Steven. He gave him a grateful nod, which only confused Steven more.

Setting the cup down on the table, Steven knelt in front of the couch and positioned Onion to sit once again.

"What's going on?"

Onion folded his hands together and covered his mouth, which Steven might have laughed at, because it's not like he ever used it very much. A disturbing image resurfaced as he thought about Onion's… pet… rat? Steven frowned, but kept the thought private.

Once again, Onion opened his arms to hug Steven, but this time he waited, offering. Steven was surprised, but accepted this time now that he saw it coming.

"Is that it, Onion? You just needed a hug? Aww." Steven held him gently, surprised and touched that the boy had just been hurt when Steven pushed him away.

Onion shook his head though, and held Steven tighter.

"What is it then?"

Moving away from Steven's hug, Onion scooted back on the couch and pointed at the warp pad, and then the ceiling, and out the window, and back at Steven.

 _Don't go again._

Steven's eyes darkened and he rubbed his arm shamefully – it was almost exactly what Lars had told him earlier, but Onion didn't understand the pressure he was under. Would it be kinder to just lie to him to make him feel better? He didn't really want to do that.

"Listen, it's… it's going to be okay. I… might go away again, but" he held a hand up in front of him when Onion put his hands together again, tightly twisting his fingers.

"You don't have to be scared. This isn't like last time. There won't be anything scary that will take me away. It's just like… It's just like I'll be moving away. Like Garbanzo and Pinto, and Squash and the others. I'll try to come back and visit if I can." Steven knew very well that he wouldn't be able to do that.

"I'll miss you and everyone a lot, and I'm really sorry. But I know you'll be okay because you've got your brother and your mom and dad. And in the summers you'll still have the others. I'll even give you all my Guys before I go, so when you play with them, it'll be like we're playing together again. Does that sound fair?"

The child hung his head, silent as ever, and he had stopped crying. His body language made it clear that this was not what he had wanted Steven to tell him.

"D-don't be sad, Onion. I… I'll miss you, and everyone. But I'll be safe, and you'll be safe, and that's more important, right?"

Nodding weakly, Onion seemed to agree, but his face was horribly sad. Steven had never seen him so down and was prepared to offer him another hug, but the little mischief jumped off the couch and walked out the door without another word.

Steven covered his eyes with one hand, hating that he had to have that conversation – right now, he needed to look for Lion, or find a way to see Connie, or go find Pink Diamond's shards _somehow_.

And as if on cue, the Temple door opened – he thought maybe it was his/his mother's room opening to offer him guidance, but when he turned to look, the backdrop was the bubble room. Garnet had just appeared in the doorway, her face blank as ever.

"Oh, Garnet, I am _so glad_ to see you. I really need to talk to you," he started to say as she walked up to the warp pad.

She frowned, looking around and seeing that there was no one else here. "I thought Danburite and Blue Pearl were supposed to be here?"

Steven was a little taken aback by that, but tilted his head to the side. "No, it's just me. Well, Pearl and Amethyst were here a while ago, but I'm not sure where they went. I think they're with my dad."

He put his hands in his pockets, emotionally exhausted but so glad to see her. Rubbing her chin thoughtfully, Garnet stepped up onto the warp pad.

"W-wait, where are you going? I really need to talk to you, please, Garnet – "

Her voice was pained, but she held up a hand to still him as he came closer. "I'm sorry, _Steven_. I need to go somewhere, but I'll be back. Don't go anywhere while I'm gone."

Steven couldn't understand why, but she said his name in a weird way, like her voice caught for a moment. He blinked at her, opened his mouth, but the warp pad activated and she was gone.

Once again, Steven found himself alone. He had none of the answers he wanted, plenty of information he _didn't_ want, no Connie, no Dad, no friends, nothing.

Awareness and dissociation, all over again.


	8. Fabricated

Connie was listening carefully, nodding in time with Pearl's absolutely insane explanation. Once she got to the point of keeping this theory from Steven at the risk of White Diamond finding out what they knew, she very nearly interrupted Pearl, but she did not have to – Garnet had arrived.

" _Garnet!_ You're back – welcome, welcome back." Pearl said, blushing at her sudden excitement once the fusion turned the corner in the barn. She gave Pearl a quick smile, but her face fell almost immediately – she was tense, Connie could tell.

Lapis, Peridot and Amethyst were sitting on the ground with Pumpkin nearby, talking about the same theory quietly, and in particular, what their roles might be if they have to go back to Homeworld and find him – they all preferred to talk about that than the alternative.

Connie tuned into small pieces of their conversation, each phrase becoming less cryptic and more disturbing as she started to understand the possibility that this Steven was an illusion.

Once Garnet arrived, however, they all stopped talking. She crossed her arms seriously and looked at the others.

"He's alone. I've told him not to leave the Beach House." There was no explanation for who _he_ was, or why that was a problem.

Pearl immediately went still, muscles bracing in a wave of anxiety. "W-wait, alone? Where was Greg? Or Danburite, or Blue?" She did not necessarily expect Garnet to answer, but she did.

"I'm not sure. They were supposed to be there – something unexpected must have happened."

The others had moved closer, and Pumpkin ran up to Connie's ankles and started licking her – it was an odd sensation, for sure.

"It would be best," she said slowly, turning around with a hand on her chin. "If some of us stay, with him, and some go on. There are exponential combinations, unfortunately, so it's hard to know which grouping would be the best outcome… but I do think Peridot should stay, at least."

A little indignantly, the green gem began to scowl. "W-why? I'm a Crystal Gem, too. See, star and everything." Pointing at her torso, and then at her hair, Lapis smiled warmly at her pouting and placed a hand on her shoulder.

Pearl nodded in agreement. "Perhaps it would make sense – I don't think we've brought you to the Geode before. There's no metal in the area, so it really wouldn't make sense. Lapis' flight capabilities might come in handy, though… And Connie and I can provide up-front support, with Amethyst and Garnet, too…" Pearl was back to strategizing, a game she knew plenty well and could confidently transverse, unlike everything else in her life recently.

Peridot looked glumly at the ground, but did not protest – it was true, even if she came as Prehnite, she was only as strong as the substances around them, and without metal, that meant very little.

The human girl was looking at Peridot, frowning, sort of wishing she could be the one to stay behind – it sounds like Steven could really use her support right now, but… she would see him soon, she knew.

Putting a smile on her face, Connie turned to the green gem and nudged her in the ribs. "Hey, it'll be alright – the most Crystal Gem thing you can do is defend Beach City, right? Well, you'll be the only one here, so we'll be counting on you."

Peridot wasn't totally convinced, but she appreciated her attempt at kindness nonetheless, so she smiled and nodded.

Kneeling down in front of her, Garnet took up Connie's point with emphasis.

"It's true, Peridot. Not only will you have to look after the city while we're gone, but Steven, too. There's a very good likelihood he's still our Steven – and even if he's not, he _thinks_ he is – so you have to be sure he does not get hurt. Can you do that?"

Now her green eyes had become stars, determined to meet and exceed Garnet's expectations. "Mission received!" Peridot stood as tall as her short legs would take her.

Chuckling, Garnet stood up to full height. "At ease. Now, we'll come back to the Temple when we're done. Connie and Pearl have their cell phones?" Glancing up at the sword wielders, half asking the question, half making the statement, Garnet went on when they both nodded.

"If you need us, send us a message."

"And, um, Peridot?" Lapis called her attention back to her, and the tone in her voice suggested more than just an affection jab in her side.

"Take care of him, and yourself. Okay?" The blue gem said shyly, blushing and holding her arm across her chest.

Emboldened by Connie and Garnet's trust and the importance of her own mission, Peridot took Lapis' hand and tugged on it to motion her to come down, to come closer. Much to the embarrassment of the others, Peridot kissed Lapis right in front of them, blushing madly green while she did. Lapis eyes were open wide in shock, but she did not flinch away, and the kiss was over almost immediately.

Peridot stepped away robotically and her face went totally blank for a moment, before she clutched her hands into tiny excited tiny fists and laughed her mischievous little giggle. Tucking her hair behind an ear, Lapis tried to turn her head as to shield her own blushing, and the others were conspicuously very preoccupied with Pumpkin at that moment.

Once Garnet left, Steven felt like he had just about lost. What was going on? First, Amethyst and Pearl and his dad disappear, Dani and Blue Pearl never reappeared after their conversation last night, and now Garnet was… well… he wasn't sure what that was.

He sat down on the couch, unsure of what else he was supposed to do. Garnet had instructed him to stay put, which seemed sort of unfair given that no one was even here.

" _Don't go anywhere while I'm gone."_

Sighing, Steven rested his eyes and let his head lean back, thinking about the nightmarish journey that the past month had been. How had his entire life changed in just one month? Where did he even start?

After a peaceful moment of silence, Steven practically fell off the couch in terror when the warp pad activated.

"Peridot?" Trying to breath normally, Steven's mouth had gone very dry. He stumbled over the sink and got a glass of water as she descended into the living room.

"Yes, Steven, it is _I_ , your favorite Crystal Gem _._ I have come to grant you my company!" She said with a smile, pulling out her tablet and turning it around to face him; there was a cute photo of the two of them, Lapis, and Pumpkin smiling back at him.

"O-oh, thanks. I… don't suppose you know where Garnet went?" He was extremely pale, she noted, but he had been rather sallow looking since he returned so Peridot dismissed the observation.

Tilting her head to one side, she frowned but gave him a small nod. "I'm afraid I do, Steven. We are…"

Her shoulders dropped – certainly, some of this was for theatrics, but she was genuinely disappointed about this part. "Not allowed to go with them. It's a mission, and apparently, our services our not needed."

The other's advised her to play up the "Steven is recovering" angle, which she could do easily, because it was true; that did not mean it was mutually exclusive with his tangibility.

Steven's face was blank for a moment before he blinked a few times. Setting down the cup next to the sink, he moved towards the couch and looked like he was about to sit, but he hesitated.

Anxious, Peridot moved forward. "B-but it's okay, Steven. We are tasked with keeping Beach City safe while they are away! Would you like to do something?"

He was rubbing the back of his neck, looking at the couch but the green gem guessed his mind was elsewhere – where in particular, she wasn't sure she wanted to know.

"Um… sure. Alright. I wanted to go see Connie, actually. If we can find Lion he can take us right to her, or we could just wa – "

Peridot made a hissing sound through her teeth, and Steven looked at her to see she her face chagrined. "W-well, Connie is, actually, on the mission without us. I'm not happy about it either!"

To her surprise, however, Steven was relatively unaffected. He pressed his lips together, but said nothing, and turned to look outside.

"I guess we can go see my dad then, unless…" he grumbled something under his breath, which Peridot was unable to pick up on. She frowned and reached out a comforting hand, resting it on his shoulder.

Sincerely, she tried to reassure him. "I'm sorry, Steven. We can at least enjoy the day, right? Let's go see your paternal figure."

While they made their way across the sand and into the city, Steven listened to Peridot explain how she taught Lapis the song they liked to sing together – the one that goes mi, fa, mi mi fa mi ti la, which was a nice distraction from his own mind.

He was so glad the two of them were finally connecting – indeed, connecting even more than he ever imagined – and the little green gem simply glowed whenever she spoke of Lapis anymore.

Peridot fell quiet for a moment, and Steven became a bit worried – she had been going above and beyond to not let there be a moment of silence since they left the house. For all he loved about the green gem, he did appreciate her enthusiasm in even the smallest of Earth's pleasures, so the pause was noticeable and troubling.

"Something on your mind?" He asked, hoping it wasn't about him. It was, but not in a way he would have expected.

"Yes, actually. I have been meaning to ask you, Steven – are you and Connie engaged in a romantic relationship?"

Reddening at the unexpected question, Steven became very interested in the pattern of the uneven ground as they made their way down the street.

"Um, I don't know if I would say 'romantic' necessarily…"

Peridot scratched her chin and nodded solemnly. She was considering the consequences of her actions earlier, nervous to have had to bolt after kissing Lapis so suddenly. In truth, the green gem had no idea what had come over her, but the moment had just felt…right. It didn't make logical sense, which only frustrated her more.

"I… see. As I recall, you said you "loved her" in the Kindergarten. Is it platonic companionship, as you feel for Garnet and Pearl and Amethyst? Or symbiotic – you _do_ work well as a team, so do you benefit from the presence of each other?"

Steven rubbed his cheek – he had just been thinking about this earlier, wishing he had made his feelings clear to Connie sooner. Right now, he couldn't even get his feelings straight to himself.

"I, uh, well… I don't love her in the same way I love the Gems or my dad, if that's what you're asking."

"Then how do you love her?"

Tapping his lips absently as he thought about his answers (and, the kiss that wasn't really a kiss) – Steven tried to put it in terms Peridot would understand.

"Well… she reminds me of a flower." He said finally, thinking of the prettiest blossom he could imagine.

"A flower?" Now she was even more concerned, worried about what she had done. She did not think of Lapis like a flower – was she supposed to think of Lapis as a flower?

"Hmm, well, not exactly. She's just… so smart, and kind, and – and _more_ than I could have imagined. Like the stars at night or a flower on a sunny day – or, maybe for you, the way it felt when you first experienced rain. Everything I thought I knew…" he sighed, struggling to actualize his feelings.

"It doesn't go away, but it's made… better, just because she's there. Like, I _could_ be alone and enjoy the rain, or the stars, or a field of flowers, but… why would I want to be, if I could experience it with her? It's sort of hard to explain, I don't know if that was made any sense." Self-consciously, he rubbed his arm, careful not to expose the skin beneath his sleeve.

Now it was Peridot's turn to blush, turning dark green. "L-like you would do anything to make them happy, and you almost feel… guilty for how happy they make you? Like you could… never repay it?"

Raising a brow in surprise, Steven turned to face her. "Actually, yeah, it's exactly like that."

"Oh…" she said, suddenly miserable, because what Steven described is exactly how she felt about Lapis. If that was how she was supposed to feel in a non-romantic relationship, then something was wrong.

It… it embarrassed her to even think about, but after seeing Ruby and Sapphire the other night, she realized she _wanted_ the kind of transparent bond they had. Maybe not to be Blue Prehnite _all_ the time – although, who knows, she never would have expected to want to fuse in her whole life – but to really just… _be_ with Lapis, to tell her that she… loved her? Is that what it was? But Steven loved Connie, and he said that wasn't romantic love, so if she felt the same for Lapis that Steven felt for Connie…

Brain buzzing, they walked in silence the rest of the way while they both contemplated the implications of their feelings for two halves of a cotton-candy romance.

Fools in love, that's what they were. Fools in love.

That morning, Greg had found Dans and the Blue version of Pearl lingering outside of his van when he came down to get his guitar and his lyrics book. It was an awkward conversation at first, but he was pleasantly surprised when Dans inquired about the landscape.

He had lived in Beach City for nearly twenty-five years – basically, since he met Rose – although he was homeless for stretches of time in between. For a reason he figured was beyond asking, Dans asked if she and the other Pearl could accompany him into Beach City – he guessed it had something to do with her fascination with humans, given how she laughed excitedly once the van hit a bump and they were on their way.

In truth, Greg was wary of the blue gem – too quiet, too severe – but she did not seem unhappy to be joining them. Really, she seemed entirely void of any emotion, which befits Greg's memory of her from Korea. Neither of them acknowledged that they had already met under very uncomfortable circumstances, but he figured it was better that way.

But her attitude had noticeably changed by the time they arrived at the Car Wash, Blue Pearl looked near about ready to jump from the window to get out of the van. Greg couldn't say he was surprised; their Pearl never much liked his van… or most things about him, until recently… so this even meeker Pearl was by all accounts disturbed by his rackety old ride.

"So, this is it. Not really that special, like I said, but it has a good view of the bay." Greg nodded towards the sea, which opened out to infinity from their spot along the coast. Pearl followed Danburite by a few steps, likely unsure of what else to do, as Greg could only imagine from what the gems told him.

 _Geez, that Blue Diamond was killed? By another one just like her, too…_

From what he gathered from Rose and the others, the other one, Pink Diamond, had been killed on Earth – the palanquin Steven had been searching for, supposedly, belonged to her. Homeworld fell into chaos after that, and soon the Earth was ravaged by war and countless tragedies. It made him nervous to think what the implications of losing not one, but now _two_ Diamonds simultaneously, would mean for their state of affairs.

The white gem had moved towards the edge of the small ravine, peering over the drop from solid earth into sand and beach beyond while her counterpart stood stiffly, looking down the street at passing families and children.

Danburite marveled at the technological complexity humans have achieved in such little time – indeed, their species had evolutionary capabilities, but she had been here perhaps only three hundred years ago to collect organic samples for the environment of her humans at the Zoo; if she could, Dani preferred to keep the pH balance comparable to the soil on Earth to better reflect the actual living conditions of modern humans.

But that had been three hundred years ago – a proverbial blink of an eye when compared against the time of Homeworld's progress, and yet, the communities have flourished more than she could have imagined – the technology was not sophisticated by any standards, but the bare bones of greatness were ripe in everything she looked at – doors, cars, television, the internet, Peridot's tablet, anything, _everything_. The rate of growth was unprecedented.

Turning towards the human nearby, Danburite raised an eyebrow skeptically.

"Does the technology here follow a logistic or exponential growth model? My sample size," she said, gesturing towards the building and down the street with a thin hand.

"Is too small. You are forty years old, correct?"

"Uh, y-yes." Greg didn't know what she was going on about, or how she knew his age. Her stone cold expression and emotionless void of speech was still something he had not gotten used to.

"So you have memories of, perhaps, thirty years of industrial innovation. What was that like?"

Ah - he was starting to understand. She wanted to know about human technology, and Greg was far from an expert. "Uh, you know, maybe I'm not the best person to ask. I know music and washing cars, but other than that…"

Dani pressed her lips together, an expression of disapproval or disappointment, Greg wasn't sure. It felt like both.

"B-but," he added, trying to make it so it wasn't all for naught. "You're welcome to poke around inside the wash. It's got like, mechanical arms and stuff, I think you might like it?"

He couldn't see it, but her eyes went wide behind her visor – limb enhancers, here? Surely it must be another example of Earth humor, but she accepted his offer all the same.

Chuckling awkwardly and leaving Dani to her own devices, Greg came out of the wash tunnel to find Blue Pearl standing exactly where they had left her, watching the humans go about their small lives.

Warily, he approached her and faced the same direction, off onto the boardwalk. He hadn't realized until standing a few feet away, but she conveniently occupied one of the few shadows that were casted over the hot asphalt, making the air just a few degrees cooler.

"Uh, hey, I was meaning to ask you something." Nervous, he stuck his hands in the pockets of his jean shorts.

Turning slightly to face him, the blue gem's face did not falter. "Um, yes?"

Greg faced the street, observing the families pass along the boardwalk, absently noting that the gem next to him adjusted slightly to stand in a shadow cast by a building.

"Well," he said nervously. "Let's start small. Do you know who I am?"

Blue Pearl bowed her head lightly, her hands folded in front of her. "You are the paternal figure of Steven Universe."

Frowning, he thought about dropping it all together, but this had been bothering him since she appeared from the ship with his son. He razed on.

"No, that's not what I meant. I was, uh, taken to the Human Zoo before all of this started. By… Blue… Diamond?" Greg was pretty sure they were just affiliated by color, so he wasn't sure if it was _the_ Blue Diamond, _a_ Blue Diamond, or just Blue Diamond. He figured going for the vaguest option would be best.

To his surprise, she reacted rather intensely considering everything else about her seemed so docile. Her head flew up, causing her bangs to sweep to the side and reveal her face for a moment before the tresses flopped in front of her eyes again, and Greg was startled by the vision behind her hair. She was a mirror image of their Pearl, but her eyes were _so_ heartbreakingly sad. It was like they were permanently turned down in the corners like Blue Diamond's had been, and they flickered slightly with fear and something else he couldn't recognize at the mention of the fallen leader.

Looking down, Greg sighed heavily. "Listen, I'm just… I wanted you to know, I'm really sorry about what happened to her. I heard about some of it from the Gems, and I know she lost someone who mattered, and now you have, too."

Pearl was, needless to say, unnerved by this human's unexpected sympathy. She had expected it from the boy when she found him on Homeworld – they had both been subjected to the same cruel, white hand of fate – but this human didn't know her at all, or her Diamond, and she was a _Pearl._ Sympathy was reserved for those with dignity, which she had been stripped of entirely.

Caught unawares, Blue Pearl said nothing but looked at the ground. Greg took that as an invitation to continue, so he did, but carefully.

"I thought… for a while there I lost Steven. That was, far and away, the worst I've ever felt in my life. When the two of you showed up with him," he glanced behind his shoulder at Dans, who was rubbing a textured mop brush between her hands with an abstemious expression on her face.

"I couldn't express the way I felt. It was… I guess, what I'm trying to say is, thank you. But even moreso, I want to say I'm sorry."

It took all of her will-power not to gawk at him, but Pearl was an expert at squashing inappropriate emotion. Her face a stone mask, she voiced her confusion a little sharper than intended.

"Why?"

Greg was taken aback, not expecting that. "Well… the impossible happened, thanks to you. My son is back, but I can only imagine the pain of trying to accept the loss you have been dealing with."

Pearl's brow was drawn together in genuine confusion now – she had not been the one to save the boy; that was the Danburite. If anything, she should be reprimanded for almost killing him with her blade.

"I… do not deserve your compassion." She said, closing her eyes and frowning. For reasons she did not understand, she was almost starting to cry.

"Don't say that, hey, I mean it," the man said warmly. "Between the two of you, I owe you more than you could imagine. So at least come to me if you ever want to talk about what happened, okay? I… I liked her, even though I didn't want to go to the Zoo. She was… understanding, and I could tell she was just trying to do the right thing. To lose someone who gives you purpose is… well, I'm not good at much, but I'm a pretty good listener. So come find me if you ever want to talk."

Once again, Pearl was simply baffled by his candor and benevolence. He was just a… _human_. Not even like the boy, half human and half gem – this man had hardly any connection to their world, but he spoke so kindly that Pearl could do nothing else but nod once.

"Great. I'm glad you guys are here." He gave her a crinkly smile, and she returned a small one of her own, only to flinch when he started yelling unexpectedly.

"H-hey, _wait_! Don't turn it on, Dans, _stop!_ "

Blue watched him run past her, into the strange building that spit water and had moving chambers within; she did not understand the utility of such a place, but for some reason, she was still smiling.

It's A Wash started to come into view, and to their surprise, his father was not alone – even Peridot did not know what had become of the other Homeworld gems, but spending their afternoon with Steven's father was very low on her list of expectations.

Steven was equally, if not more, surprised – _of course_ , it made sense now. Pearl and Amethyst hadn't left with his Dad, the "magical ladies" Lars had seen were Dani and Blue Pearl.

He smiled weakly as Dani waved and Blue Pearl even walked forward to meet them.

"H-hello, Steven and Peridot." She said quietly, looking at her hands folding in front of her pelvis shyly, and the other two were both pleasantly surprised.

A few moments later, Steven's father came around the corner of the van with a towel over his head – he appeared to be soaking wet.

"Did it rain here?" Peridot held her palm open to test for precipitation, not accustomed to the idea of rain on a sunny day. Steven had said it was _possible_ , but she had yet to verify with her own eyes.

Rubbing his face dry, Greg came closer and laughed at the suggestion. "No, Peridot. I got hosed."

She crossed her arms. " _Hosed_? Meaning?"

Their conversation divulged into a banter about hoses, and soon Peridot was probing Steven's father for his seemingly vast knowledge of Earth agriculture, which Dani soon hoped in on with interest.

"So, if corn is a seasonal product…" he could hear the green gem saying, nodding knowingly as Dani listened intently.

Steven moved away slightly to stand behind the van, and Blue Pearl followed him quietly – he didn't mind her company right now, nor did he really _mind_ Peridot's company, but Blue Pearl and Dani were different. They knew about the dream and they hadn't judged him for being dishonest with the Gems. Together, they were refugees, taking shelter from their abandoned homes and lives.

Unconsciously, they both traced their fingers over their skin – his was still brandished yellow, hers had returned to soft blue – and neither of them said anything while the others chatted heartily.

Feeling his breathing starting to shorten, Steven closed his eyes to try to calm himself, but it was a mistake – there she was, again, behind his vision, waiting for him to go unconscious so she could belittle him and treat him like the tool he was.

 _Ugh – don't think like that. She said you were both on the same plane – time is_ our _tool._

 _No, wait – that's worse. I don't want to be like her._

The envy he had felt earlier was only in the desire to have agency, to feel like he had control of _something_ in his life. That had been the worst, absolute _worst_ part about being Opalite that he remembered. He wasn't in control, but he didn't have to be – _they_ were, and they were powerful, and that was the only part about being them that wasn't miserable.

After Blue Diamond had… manipulated him, Steven thought, pulling up his sleeve to examine his scars, he had gained a new understanding of the concept of self-loathing. And, much like the damage done by the others, this one lingered – at least, he thought so.

White Diamond's scars made his fingers tingle, remembering how it felt to summon his shield with the wrong arm, to murder the Rose Quartz, to crack and hurt all of those other prisoners… stories he would never know, and probably wouldn't want to know, either.

Yellow Diamond's scars made his heart race, and immediately Steven felt his hands start to shake and grow anxious. The pain had been unbearable, unlike anything he could have imagined, like it consumed his body from the inside. A childish image of his blood cells turning into vicious piranhas surfaced in his mind, and while he recognized it was silly, it wasn't far from how it had felt. The very part of his body that carried life from his brain to his toes felt like it was destroying him.

But the blue one was different – it looked like a tragic bolt of lightning, illuminated brilliantly against the branches and circuitry of the other colors along his arm. It had made him feel things he hadn't wanted to feel, and unlike the others, his complacency was terrifying. He wanted to fuse, _really_ wanted to fuse, because he hated himself so much he couldn't bear to be himself anymore.

Had Steven any more tears left, he might have cried thinking about it.

Blue was not much better – she had been comforted by the human man's offer to talk, but she wasn't sure she could talk about Blue Diamond to anyone, even if she wanted to, but now it was all she could think about.

Since she had run from the prison cell where they had kept her and Yellow, all Blue could focus on was getting away, getting help, protecting Yellow, and then there was the shock. A few days of cathartic relief of seeing White again, the strange company and newness of this place, and the wonderful view of the dark sea and the stars at night had been enough to get her by, but the days were going slower now and her emotions were finally starting to reach her.

Blue Diamond, who had been lovely, pensive, impartial, and wise, had been killed by the one who made her; Yellow Diamond had met the same fate.

Now, White Diamond remained, ordering their torture and shattering to demonstrate to other Pearls and low-class gems across Homeworld what would happen to those who did not abandon their loyalties.

She might have even convinced herself at some point that she wanted to forget, to move on from Blue Diamond, but… how could Blue even fathom such a thought? Her Diamond was unlike other owners of Pearls – she spoke to her, treated her with respect and dignity. White and even Yellow were treated like impish fools at the feet of their Diamonds, and that said nothing of lower-level Pearls like the Lilac one that served Heliodor or the Green one that served the Binnite they had passed as they left Homeworld.

They were the perfect pair, she had always thought, and White had even told her once. Closing her eyes, Blue was back on Homeworld, outside of her Diamond's throne room.

" _I can't even imagine the new colony of your Diamond, Blue. It sounds breathtaking." White had told her, and White Diamond had come to see her Diamond for that very same reason – to congratulation her on the acquisition of another mineral-rich world._

 _She nodded in thanks to White, smiling but saying nothing. White Diamond could be heard speaking on the other side of the door, although her words were unintelligible. Glancing over her shoulder, White became thoughtful before turning to face Blue once again._

" _You two are really… amazing. I actually, well… I don't mean to be denigrating, so forgive me, but I… I always envied you and your Diamond."_

 _That had not been what she expected White to say, so despite her better instincts she encouraged her to continue with a frown._

" _What do you mean?"_

" _Well, I…" White said, looking down at her hands morosely. "The luminescent White Diamond, for all she is great, she is also… impervious. I wish to know what she knows, to feel what she feels. You and your Diamond… you are close. It is not like that for us. She strategizes, and orders, and rules… I strategize, and order, and am ruled, but there is no… connection."_

 _Blue's mouth fell further into an expression of sadness, but for some reason she was a bit proud of what White had just confessed – she really_ did _feel like she understood her Diamond, at least, moreso than White or Yellow ever let on. To hear it was… validating, but also sad for the others._

" _I… thank you. I am sorry you feel that way about Her Luminescence."_

Blinking at the wetness around her eyes, Blue steeled herself, needing not to cry once again. The boy had already sacrificed so much for her, he need not expend more emotion on her own troubles.

Steven had sunk down to the ground, pressing his back up against the van and resting his head between his knees. Once again, he found himself exhausted, and he was growing worried on the raging war of his physical health and mental health.

If he fell asleep, (which, he recognized, he would have to do eventually,) something horrible would happen, he just knew it. If he didn't, well… how long could he go without sleeping? He wouldn't even have the energy to find the shards, let alone go get them and return to Homeworld.

Once again, Steven found himself at a cross in the intersection of reality – almost asleep, hardly awake, living was a nightmare but his dreams were full of cold, calculated realities he didn't want to face. The universe felt like it had grown still, pausing to wait for his struggle to come to blows, for him to fail her, or them, or everyone at once.

The thought of giving up was still fresh in his mind from earlier in the day; he wanted to deny that this, all of _this_ , was really it. His life was over – his life was _her_ life now, and he could not enjoy the feeling of rain like Peridot, or the warmth of a hug from Connie, or the sound of his dad's guitar. Everything just felt… empty.

Was he only making things worse? It felt like it – just prolonging the inevitable, really. She would win, and he would lose, and they would lose. They would all lose.

Steven felt the guilt in his heart like a hydraulic engine, working despite the mounting pressure, speeding madly to complete a task it had no choice in.

A horrible, tiny little voice couldn't help but feel, well… _annoyed_ with the others. He had done this, all of this, for _them_. Steven had been beaten, forced to fuse, starved, nearly killed, experimented on… and for what? For them to ignore him? He hadn't wanted to come home in the first place – indeed, he was only here now because White Diamond needed him here to get Pink Diamond's shards – but now that he was here, it felt like his freedom was, somehow, even worse than imprisonment.

Groaning at himself for even thinking it, Steven tried to relax his muscles, shifting to make himself more comfortable against the cool metal of the van. How long had he been awake now? It felt like days – it might have been days – he didn't keep track of time the same way he used to.

Maybe it wasn't such a crazy thought, he realized. After all, this wasn't freedom. This was just a cruel reminder of freedom, the phantom of choice that gave him the _sense_ of freedom, coupled with reuniting with his friends and family, was not freedom. Steven had no real choices at all. There were still invisible wires that bound him, connecting him from a million miles away to a small room in the Military District of Homeworld. White and dull and guarded by two white gems, that room was empty, but it felt more like _his_ room than his own room right now, because the room back in the Beach House wasn't his room. It all belonged to her, everything about him. It was hers. His Earth, his life, even his ability to tell Connie he loved her, or his opportunity to bother to be annoyed by the Gems. He understood it now – her message.

 _I own them, Steven. I own everything._

The Infinity Spire, the dreams, the mission, her cold calculations… it finally made sense, and it actually made him feel a tiny bit better, like his despair was justified. Oddly, he was reminded of lab experiments he had heard about from Connie, the ones with the mice in the tiny mazes. There were no _real_ choices for them, or for him, because this labyrinth was entirely constructed – fabricated – for him to struggle through.

A shiver ran up his spine as he thought about the last time he had been… _physically_ face-to-face with White Diamond.

 _In time… you will learn to appreciate mercy. You are too young to understand. But, I will make it one of our first lessons, Steven, so you can really think about whether or not it was worth it, to cross me. Knowledge predicates a lesson, and so a lesson you shall learn._

This wasn't a mystery; this wasn't even a mission. This was _punishment_.

While he was here, Steven was to simply complete an errand for her – a convenient way to punish him _and_ get Pink Diamond's shards.

Steven visualized a chess board in his head, and though he's never played, he was familiar with the concept. Move pieces around that can capture other pieces, and try to capture the other person's Queen – the whole game was like advanced checkers, he was pretty sure. What would White Diamond do next? What would White Diamond _want_ him to do next? That was the whole point of this, wasn't it?

" _Very_ good, Steven. You _have_ been paying attention."

"Wh – ah, _no_ …"

He had started to fall asleep, and bolting upright and straightening himself, Blue Pearl flinched away, startled by his sudden movement. Steven gripped his pumping heart as it beat frantically against his ribs, the pounding making it all the way to the back of his brain.

Quietly, he whispered to himself, forgetting that he wasn't alone. "W-White Diamond…"

Rubbing his eyes madly, Steven blinked exaggeratedly to dispel the exhaustion – she wasn't _here_ , but her icy voice reverberated in his skull like a horrifying echo, a wicked scream.

 _No, not here. She's in my mind, but she's on Homeworld. Not here, but Homeworld. I'm here. Just me._

 _Just me, right?_


	9. Missions

There was a strange density that filled the air surrounding the Geode, and it had always made Amethyst a tad uncomfortable. Each time they came here, it felt like someone had their boot _just_ hovering above the face of her gemstone, ready to execute a fearsome pressure at any moment. This place was the epitome of _too_ close; the air felt compressed, the weather was strangely dark from the synthetic storm, and the crater was unsettling. It was just on the edge of being terrifying, a disaster, and somehow beautiful, too.

Scratching the side of her head in discomfort, the purple gem sauntered after the others, taking up the rear a few steps behind Lapis. They walked away from the Geode in search of the gem activity, seeing as it didn't appear to be bursting at the seams when they warped in. Immediately ahead, Garnet walked mutely, and Connie and Pearl led the way with matching thin blades – Rose's sword had been lost in the Kindergarten on Homeworld, unfortunately, so Pearl had graciously offered her to use one of her favorite personal blades.

Connie's voice carried to the back of the group, since she and Pearl were the only one speaking.

"So, I have an idea… I wanted to see if I could, um…" she became flustered and distracted before snapping up-right again.

Clearing her throat, she continued. "S-sorry, ma'am. When I'm moving forward,"

"Keep your eyes on mw.." Pearl nodded approvingly, not needing to even quip Connie for losing focus.

"Right, so I wanted to… actually, Lapis, this would really be a big help from you. It's about Steven."

Automatically, they all tensed. The blue gem quickened her pace to make time with the dual duelists, walking just off to their side.

"What is it?" she asked flatly.

Connie always appreciated how forthcoming Lapis' was, although she could tell Pearl preferred more traditional question and answer etiquette, as her teacher shifted in annoyance.

"Well," she said, explaining the plan she had in mind for Steven. Amethyst and Garnet exchanged a look, dubious, given the questionable nature of Steven's… well, everything right now, but they did not interrupt.

Pressing her lips together in disapproval, Pearl waited for Connie to finish and was prepared to echo that same sentiment.

"Connie…"

" _Wait._ " Garnet whispered, raising a hand as they came to a dead halt. Listening, there was something… something moving.

Turning her head to the left, Garnet pointed towards a mountainous ravine not unlike the canyon that overlooked the Beta Kindergarten. "There."

Connie and Pearl exchanged a hard look, nodding in unison.

 _Do it for him._

 _Yes, ma'am._

Amethyst summoned her whip naturally, feeling an adrenaline she had missed after the magnitude of their failures on Homeworld – corrupt gems were nothing, and they had an insanely strong team – Lapis, Garnet, Pearl, herself, _and_ Connie?

They were about to _mash_ _it up_.

Following Amethyst's lead, the rest of them readied their weapons while Lapis went airborne. Hovering a few inches above the ground as they neared the edged, the blue gem craned her head to peak over into the dark cavern below.

"Ugh…" she said involuntarily. No one asked her to elaborate, but they didn't need to; there was something tenuous and yet so clearly menacing about that darkness, the cold sonorous air, the harsh smell of the earth… It wasn't exactly the same, but they all felt like they were trapped in the dirt underneath the Kindergarten once again. Even Peridot and Steven were absent from the group, which only unsettled them more.

After a pause, staring into the subterranean void, there was a horrible gurgling sound, followed by a screeching and tearing sound. Then the ground rumbled with a shuttering crash, the sound of raining boulders all too familiar in their ears.

Pearl straightened, ready to use her gemstone as a light when Garnet placed a hand on her shoulder. At the same time, the purple gem turned to the fusion.

"What's the 411, G?" Amethyst asked, snapping her whip taut between her hands.

"It's hard to say for sure, but there is definitely more than one. I don't think… based off the sounds and the," she stopped, steadying herself slightly when the earth shook again.

"Based off of _that_ , I would guess there are three. I'm not sure why they're gathered here, or how they got down there for that matter, but one thing at a time."

Nodding at Pearl, and then the others, she made her face firm. "Ready?"

Lapis and Connie both returned the nod, a reflection of Garnet's determination, Amethyst snapped her whip once again in anticipation, and Pearl turned on the light.

/

"Hey, bud. You look beat. You wanna come sit down in the…?" Greg patted the edge of his van, inviting his son to rest inside rather than stay slumped against the side on the concrete. When Steven raised his head to look at him, however, Greg nearly dropped the towel in his hands – he looked much, _much_ worse up close.

There were bags under his eyes, which had a permanent bloodshot look about them, and his skin had turned a sour milk color; worse yet, there was a sort translucency to the sallow hue that made him look more than just tired – he looked ill. Very, very ill.

"C'mhere, Steven, you really need to rest," Greg started to say, but he could see fear settle over his son's face at the thought. Backpedaling, he moved closer and knelt, but did not touch him.

"Really, kiddo. Even if you don't sleep, your body at least needs a breather. Let's at least sit in the van where it's more comfortable? You can join us too, Pearl." Smiling at the gem, she glanced at him and looked away, moving after Danburite without another word.

Peridot had come around the corner to join them. "Steven? Hey, hey, don't go passing out on me again – you're going to make me as worked us as Pearl." She snickered, half-joking, half-wondering what Pearl or Garnet would do to her if Steven died on her watch. The green gem gulped hard on her throat and helped Steven to his feet.

He sighed and let himself be guided to the van, slowly starting to understand why adults are always drinking coffee on television shows – except, of course, he wasn't an adult and this wasn't a show. This was his life, or what was left of it, anyways.

Plopping down into the back, Steven scooted back and semi-reclined onto a pile of his dad's clothes, and to Steven's surprise, the softness and familiarity of the small space did put him slightly at ease. His dad sat at one edge of the van while Peridot hoped up backwards, turning halfway so one leg dangled off the side of the open door while the other was bent towards her chest. As far as he could see, Dani and Blue Pearl were gone – not far, more than likely, but out of sight and silent.

The three of them sat and listened to the ocean, letting the warm breeze waft around the old van as they enjoyed a few minutes of silence. There was a collective tension in the air, but it was a private sort of worry, not feeding negatively into that of the others.

Peridot was worried about the mission, checking her tablet frequently, Greg was still anxious from the conversations he had with Blue Pearl and Amethyst, his concern on a possible budding war growing by the hour, and Steven was sinking, sinking like an anchor into the sea.

The ocean is weird, Steven mused. Humans float in the Dead Sea, he recalled reading somewhere – probably at the library with Connie in another lifetime. It was an ironic name, because the living would float and the gems would sink, their mass was more of an… adaptive weight, as he understood it. Would he float, or sink, or find a buoyancy somewhere in the middle?

Probably the latter, but unfortunately, that also means he would drown.

Danburite peaked around the corner of the van, Blue Pearl following close behind.

"Where are the others, Perido – _Peri_?" She had noticed that Steven had come with company, which was not unusual, but he was typically under more intense supervision than just one of his companions.

"Oh, well," she glanced down at the tablet anxiously. "They are on a mission, actually."

"Ah. A mission." She clambered awkwardly over Greg, who would have been happy to move if she had asked, and crawled into the back of the van to sit next to Steven. Blue Pearl remained rooted to the ground, watching them huddle in.

Steven smiled despite his exhaustion, watching his dad become flustered and embarrassed as Peridot snickered lightly. Danburite sat cross-legged next to him, and offered her arms out for him to sit in her lap, like they had on the ship. Incidentally, these circumstances did feel similar, which is why she must have had the inclination; they were confined in a small metal space with windows, but the universe on the outside of this vehicle was painted on rather than rushing by.

He crawled over and sat in her lap, and to his surprise, the cold stiffness of her torso was a good support for his back. Steven felt less tired, and more comfortable, sitting against her.

Dani had been quietly monitoring his progress – or, more accurately, his lack thereof – over the past few days, trying her best to evaluate his mental and physical health without making her concerns vocal, else she might worsen his condition with worries.

Voice perfectly even as always, Dani encouraged him to speak, a positive distraction. "You told me about these _missions_ before. Do you remember, Steven?"

He looked up at her and nodded – all things considered, it wasn't a bad memory. Steven had told her a lot about his life on Earth when he was staying in her pseudo-clinic at the Human Zoo. In hindsight, maybe it wasn't his smartest decision to talk all about the Crystal Gems and the Earth and corrupted gem monsters to a perfect stranger, but at that point he had been promised the Earth would be left alone.

Still, he scowled, thinking of his own foolishness. At the time, he had just wanted to get his mind off of Holly Blue Agate, so any opportunity to talk had felt like a welcome relief, but he considered himself lucky that Dani turned out to be a friend. What if somelike like Heliodor had ended up with all of that information about his life, his friends, his family? He shuttered to think on it.

Greg chimed in, voice curious. "Oh yeah, that was one thing I've been meaning to ask – how did you three get together, anyways? Don't get me wrong, I am _glad_ you did!" He laughed lightly, looking between them and Blue Pearl.

"But you don't exactly seem like… likely allies."

Mercifully, Dani answered on Steven's behalf. There were some things that were healthy to talk about, and some things that were not.

"It was simple chance. I am perhaps the only gem remaining, besides those who reside on this planet, that still interact with humans. Steven is half human. Later, we were all imprisoned by… _Homeworld_ ," she said, euphemistically referring to White Diamond.

"And Steven helped us to cross paths. Pearl wanted to get off-planet, and I knew a way to do that, so Steven connected the dots. It is how we got away," she said. Her voice did not leave room for questions, although, it usually never did.

"Isn't that right?"

She patted the top of his head carefully, nuzzling his hair. For some reason, when Dani talked about it, the whole ordeal didn't sound so bad. Maybe it was because she didn't have to feel and process things like he or Blue Pearl did. In a way, maybe her "deficiency" was as much as a benefit to her as it was a hindrance.

Actually, thinking about the white gem like this made Steven remember something he had been meaning to ask. Leaning up slightly, he posed a question to Peridot and Dani.

"I was, um, wondering something." He glanced behind at Dani, who was looking at the green gem but her gaze flickered over him for a moment.

"So…" he started, a little nervously, twisting his fingers together. He turned back to Peridot to provide some context.

"Dani told me she doesn't have any powers – she's Era 2, like you, right?"

Peridot grimaced and looked away. "Yes, we were both made about – what, for you, I'm guessing, 1,500 hundred years ago?"

"Close. 1,374. A little younger."

Steven gaped out of habit; he knew the other Gems were much older, but still, there was something staggering about the age difference between all of them that still shocked him.

A bit excitedly, he urged Peridot to explain. "That's what I mean though, _you_ have powers and you're from the same Era." Steven leaned his head straight back and looked at Dani upside down. From this angle, he could see her blue eyes looking at him. As always, her expression was unreadable, second only to Garnet in impassivity.

"Do you think Dani can eventually figure out her powers?"

"Well," Peridot said, rubbing her chin. "I wouldn't say it's _impossible_ … but I also wouldn't say it's probable."

Steven frowned, obviously disappointed. "Why?"

To their surprise, Blue Pearl answered quietly. "Resource scarcity."

Blinking a few times, Peridot reiterated. "Yes, exactly. Resource scarcity. I have never heard of another maintenance class gem who discovered a power post-hoc. Homeworld does not… or, _did_ not, at least, bother to cultivate our types in mineral-rich environments – those places are reserved for the elites or militarized gems.

"Actually, if you remember the hologram from the moon, that would be a good way of thinking about it. We were both made on colonies that had already been… _tapped_ of their more valuable resources, like that visualization of the Earth from the moon base. Danburite, myself, most lower order Pearls," she counted each of them off on her fingers.

"Are made on colonies that, at one point, would have already been considered past the limit of proper harvest, but Homeworld had to regenerate its population after… well, you know. I must have been fortunate enough to come from a Kindergarten that still had concentrated deposits in the ground, but that is a one-off chance. For most, it is unlikely."

Disappointed, Steven leaned back against the hardened form of the white gem in question, who had been noticeably silent during their conversation.

Dani had been interested in the topic, although she hadn't the need for hopes. To her, she saw this as an opportunity for him to focus on something present, or even future, rather than his clawing visions of the past. "What would you want my powers to be, if I had them, Steven?"

She angled her head down to look at him, and her long hair tickled the exposed skin of his neck and shoulders. He giggled at the feeling – the lightness was nice, and Greg and Peridot both looked noticeable relieved to hear him laugh. It was a sweet, pure sound.

"Hmm, I don't know. I feel like, a weapon wouldn't be right, oh, maybe a shield, like me? Or you could do some like controlling stuff like Peridot and Lapis." He waved his hands and fingers in front of him to demonstrate the imagined kinesis.

She thought about his suggestions seriously, nodding along when an idea rose in her mind.

With an easy smirk, Danburite asked him a question. "Would you like to hear another joke, Steven?"

He nodded eagerly.

"It would not be fair for me to have any powers like the others. After all, I am already the master at something else." She tapped a thin finger against her temple astutely.

When Steven looked confused, she _landed_ the joke. "Why, I am the master of _comedy_. I thought it was obvious."

Pearl chortled at the unexpected irony, and Steven and Peridot both burst with laughter. Scratching his cheek and joining in the merriment, Greg appreciated the white gem's ability to connect with his son, although a tiny part of him was… what was that, jealously? Steven had spent a lot of time with the Gems since being back, and even now they were not alone. Greg felt like he had a lot he needed to talk to his son about, but at the same him, he wouldn't trade Steven's sudden liveliness for anything. So, the boy's father resolved to holding off until later, making the most of the company they had at present.

/

Lapis supported Connie with her hands secured beneath the girl's elbows, lowering them into the darkness while the others plummeted ahead – gravity always falls first. As they made their way into the depths of the earth, the others could be heard landing hard against the ground, and immediately there was the sound of clawing and hissing matched in time with Garnet's voice.

"Gems, bring them out this way. Lapis, Connie, behind us!"

Pearl's forehead bathed the cavern in a brilliant iridescent glow, and the sight at the bottom of the pit was an unpleasant reminder of the reality of corruption. There were four gems, three of which seemed to be the same type and another that stood out.

The set of three were all pink, and Connie guessed they were a little smaller than the corrupted gems she and Steven fought against with Jasper. These gems stood upright on two legs, with disturbingly thick and gangly arms that dragged along the ground as they walked. All of their limbs were reflective, casting a pretty rosy glow against the walls as Pearl's light shined over their corrupted forms, like the might be made of a polished rock or metal. Their midsection resembled a more traditional, human-like torso, with green splotches rippling across their pink skin in radiating waves. The face of the gem was totally warped, replaced entirely by a circular mouth with sharpened teeth that puffed open and closed as it huffed and raged. From the way they lumbered, it appeared they could not see, which would make sense with no eyes, but they were able to detect the presence of the others and mindlessly crashed around into the walls in the general direction of Pearl's light and Garnet's voice.

The other gem was much smaller, but it was extremely fast – shockingly green and black, the gem's body couldn't have been larger than Onion, and it was covered in a scaly looking texture that gave Connie chills. In a way, the gem reminded her of a snake with a body, its head and eyes pointed forward like a predator.

The pair touched down behind the others as they strategically positioned themselves at the end of a narrowed enclave that opened to a larger, oval-shaped clearing. This way, they could have optimal space to fight. Much to Lapis' delight, the ground was wet with subterranean moisture.

"Oh, good," she said simply, and in a sudden movement watery hands grabbed at the arms of the larger beasts and immobilized them as they stumbled their way into the musty glade. The three roared and thrashed violently, breaking the grasp with brute strength, only to be secured again after a few moments. Lapis' attention was split between the three targets, so there was some gap time in-between in which they lumbered dangerously, swinging their stone arms into anything and everything within reach.

Garnet and Amethyst had moved closer to the raging beasts, the former pulling out the leg of one and knocking it backwards, only to swing it around and toss it vigorously into another like a wrecking ball. The force sent them both crashing backwards into the canyon wall, howling in pain, and Garnet charged after them, gauntlets raised.

Behind her, Amethyst was left to tussle with another of the pink and green monsters on her own. She whipped at its ankles and arms, but she only seemed to make any sort of impact when striking its comparatively vulnerable torso. The thing's twisting and turning as it tried to break the watery grasp was irritating, her making it difficult to land a direct hit. Her situation was not made better when one of the creatures Garnet was wrestling with broke away, hurling a boulder at her.

Automatically, Amethyst leapt backwards with impressive agility. The instinct to defend and then counter sparked an idea, and she turned towards the ocean gem.

"Lapis, drop this thing's hold!"

Without a second thought, she complied and turned her attention to helping Connie and Pearl, who were trying to corner the zooming black and green gem, but they were having little success. Each time one of them got close enough to strike – which was a feat, considering its speed – it would swivel forward suddenly and throw its prickly body towards them. While they managed to parry any direct hits, several of the spikes made contact with their skin by way of the creature's prickly form.

Lapis opted to use the gem's speed to its disadvantage, turning the ground directly in its retreating path into a smooth plane of ice. Almost immediately, the monster was knocked backwards and went sliding painfully into a stalagmite.

Connie chased after it, jumping forward onto the slick surface and using the momentum to drive herself forward with her blade ready, but it managed to scoot out of the way – just as she hoped.

Pearl, who had gone in a large arc around the ice, flanked them and caught the creature as it tried to flee. In a swift, fluid motion, she brought her sword straight down and destroyed its form instantly.

"Well _done_ , Connie!" Pearl said as she hastily bubbled the gem and sent it away. Smiling proudly, the girl had grabbed onto the stony column and used it to stop herself from sliding, holding herself off the ground.

The pair turned, and Amethyst had grown nearer to their corner of the valley, whipping lazily at the beast's chest as it knocked her lashes aside with a crystalized hand.

Immediately, Pearl sprung forward, ready to intervene, but Amethyst hissed. "Wait, wait, check me out!"

After another blocked strike, and another, the gem seemed thoroughly aggravated and grabbed blindly for the whip that would invariably try to strike its chest again. Finding the end of Amethyst's weapon, it latched down stone fingers and yanked her forward, but Amethyst was ready. The moment its fingers closed around the coils of her whip, she spun herself into a ball and used the force to send herself barreling into the dead-center of the gems torso, smacking it so violently that it fell backwards and was skewered by a another stony column protruding from the ground.

" _Yuuuussss_!" The purple gem cheered in her most pumped up voice, landing on the ground next to the stone brochette, repeating the same action Pearl had done earlier.

Turning around, she found that Pearl and Connie had not, unfortunately, been watching her _killer_ performance, but she couldn't fault them. They had rushed to Garnet's aid, who had used her own prowess to meet and exceed the brute strength of the two pink corruptions. Taking a confident step beside Garnet, the three of them formed a back-to-back-to-back triangle.

Given that their foes were blind, the melee fights easily conquered the remaining two gems. Garnet leapt high into the air and smashed the face of one between her gauntlets, and as it staggered backwards, Pearl bounded upwards and sank her sword into the chest, tearing downwards through its form like a pirate might do the a sail of an enemy ship. Once she had dragged her sword all the way down to the creature's navel, it poofed, and she nimbly landed on her feet.

Garnet, having predicted the ending, stood and caught the gemstone before it made contact with the ground. She bubbled it and sent it back to the Temple, and the two gems turned to the remaining adversary.

Impressively, Connie was holding her own, dodging and weaving as the green and pink speckled gem flailed adamantine arms to and fro in her general direction. She waited for the perfect opening, when it would aim too far past her –yes, _there_.

Light on her feet, the girl slid between the wide legs of the creature, coming out on the other side and jumping up to grab the stone wall behind it. Confused, the thing barreled forward once again, and Garnet and Pearl shot apart to avoid the hulking monster.

Connie started to climb, her sights set above on a large piece of stone that jutted out from the canyon wall. Pulling herself up, she used the uneven rock as a platform and swan-dived, her blade pointed like a needle that pierced the corrupted gem through the head.

Propelling herself against the ground, Garnet yelled "Connie, jump!" and caught the girl as she flew away from the beast. It had not felt her weight leave the blade, and so in an attempt to swat Connie away the gem smashed its own massive arm down onto the base of the sword, shoving it even further into its own skull.

Then, _poof_ , and the blade clattered to the ground beside a pink and green gemstone.

Garnet smiled down at the girl while still holding her, and Connie returned the grin proudly. Then, a moment later, Pearl and Amethyst caught up with them, beaming and congratulating Connie on an impressive takedown.

Once the fusion set her down, Connie rubbed the back of her head modestly and gestured towards Pearl. "Well, I _did_ have an excellent teacher."

The white gem seemed absolutely electrified, beaming and tapping her fingers together excitedly as she continued to compliment Connie's response-time and composure.

Amethyst snorted and walked towards the gemstone, bubbling it swiftly. "You were awesome, Connie, no need to thank Pearl for it."

At this point, Lapis had caught up with them, airborne again and floating just above Pearl. She was thankful for the light – there was something plain creepy about this pit that made her very much want to go.

Pearl was tempted to be offended by Amethyst's comment, but it was true – Connie had been superb.

She walked up to the purple gem, and gave her a joking nudge with her elbow, all of them moving into a small circle.

"You could even say she… _rocked_ it? Hmm, hmm?" Pearl had a charming way about her when she joked, and they all couldn't help but laugh at her bad pun.

/

Steven got out of the van slowly when it came to a stop outside of the Beach House, not realizing how dizzy he had grown until trying to stand on his own two feet. Dani had threatened to lecture him on the importance of human nutrition when his stomach started to grumble after an hour or so of hanging around the car wash. His Dad agreed to bring them all back home with the promise that Steven would eat the breakfast he had long since forgotten on the counter.

Much to Peridot's delight, on their way back, her tablet buzzed to life with a message from Connie.

 _Mission was a success! On our way back. Any news?_

Walking and typing – a hazard, she had been told, but she did not care – Peridot ascended the stairs to the house while replying.

 _No news, but he seems in a better mood. Is everyone OK?_

She typed it out 'is _Lapis_ okay,' but that seemed a bit selfish, so she assumed Connie would report any issues on the whole team.

As they were filing into the house, Greg hesitated at the door when his cell phone started to ring.

"Oh, it's your Uncle Andy. I better talk to him. Be in in a sec," he said, turning around and taking a seat at one of the chairs on the porch.

Steven took a seat at the counter and Peridot joined him, setting her tablet down. Dani stood across from them and Blue Pearl was looking out the window, her mind likely far away.

"Ah! Ah!" The green gem said excitedly as Steven bit into the eggs – he had never minded eating his food cold, and right now, he hadn't the energy nor the patience to microwave it.

They all turned to look at her, joint confusion on their faces at her sudden outburst. She was pointing from Steven to the food, his seemingly mundane activity drawing all of her attention.

"W-what?" Steven asked warily.

The green gem just pushed both of her hands into her cheeks, beaming and bouncing in her chair.

"Brunch! It's brunch again! Look!" She pointed towards the time on the microwave – 2:58 PM. It was, indeed, brunch.

Steven continued to eat slowly as Dani questioned Peridot on the meaning of her strange phrase, and Peridot's subsequent all-knowing behavior amused him; he had only taught her what brunch was a month ago, the day this all started.

As he took another bite and let his mind wander, Steven started to think about the timeline he might have on Earth. There was still a lot he felt like he had to do before he could ship back off to Homeworld – speaking of which, how would he get back? He could not pilot a ship, and the only one they had was Dani's small vessel from Pink Diamond's base.

Then there was the matter of the shards, how to find them, what to do with them when he found them, and why White Diamond might want them. And of course, there were the Gems, and even Dani and Blue Pearl. Right now, it felt like he was the only thing keeping them all together, tying latter to the former, but he wanted to strength that tie so they all might stay safe from Homeworld, together. What could he do to make them want to stay?

And then he had the answer, the idea so obvious he smacked his forehead with his free hand, a piece of toast halfway through his mouth. "Ohm gou, we suimnd w – "

Dani and Peridot stopped their chatter to look at him, and the green gem's face looked a cross between disgust and confusion.

Chewing and swallowing, Steven cleared his throat. "S-sorry, I just remembered something. We should try to see if… if _she_ was right about my powers. I can try to heal the corrupted gems – Centipeedle, Jasper," he said, turning to face Blue Pearl, practically yelling in his sudden enthusiasm.

"And if it works, we can do it to Yellow Pearl, too. You won't have to be alone here!"

He was amazed he hadn't thought about this sooner, but then again, being caught between life and death, reality and nightmares, his home and Homeworld had taken a lot of his energy.

Blue Pearl became still as a statue, frozen as she gazed out the window.

Almost simultaneously, Peridot and Dani responded to his suggestion.

"Yes!"

"No."

There was a pause while the Era 2 gems looked at each other, as Steven looked between them and Blue Pearl, who was looking at no one. The silence quickly grew uncomfortable, and the green gem crossed her arms irritably.

"But this would be the _perfect_ way to test if his powers are _real_ …" Peridot started to say, and realizing she had almost blown their cover, she quickly added an addendum to her protest.

"real… _ly_ as, uh, White Diamond, described!"

Steven's brow came together at the sound of her name, eyes darkening as he rested his vision on just Blue Pearl.

One hand across her torso, the other cupping her face, Danburite frowned at them both.

"That may be true, and I have no qualms with the theoretical applications of his abilities, but that is as irrational as it would be irresponsible."

Peridot's mouth opened, but she closed it again, biting down on her lip. She was worried on being insistent, sounding too obvious, but she had been _so close_ … that was just what they needed Steven to do to prove he was real.

Comparatively, Steven had no reason to withhold his opinion, so he frowned at Dani and pouted slightly.

"But, Dani, it could be really important – we can be careful, like you can help with doctor needles and make sure it's safe. And, Yellow Pearl might even know something about Homeworld that we don't, that happened before..."

Turning from him to glance at the blue gem by the window, then back to him, then again to Pearl, Danburite spoke slowly.

"Again… that _may_ be true. I think it even could be a good idea, eventually, if that is what you want. But, you are in no proper state to do so."

She gestured to his waif form, pale skin, sunken eyes, and pointed specifically to the stab wound Pearl had given him last time.

"Not only did you lose a copious of blood only a few days ago, but you have not had sufficient rest or nearly enough nutrients to supplement your already poor health. I would be willing to help facilitate such a task safely, but, to put it in straightforward terms," she said, which seemed unnecessary, given that she was _always_ straightforward.

"You will likely die. And that is not to mention the fact that your family would kill the rest of us." They didn't think she was joking this time.

"Oh…" Peridot replied, her cross attitude melting away. The test would certainly not be worth it if it would kill him.

Steven was disappointed, but Dani was right – if nothing else, it would be unfortunate for Pearl to have to kill them all for letting him die, and he was pretty sure that's exactly what she would do.

"Well, what if…" he started to say, rubbing his chin and looking over at Blue Pearl. Her posture was still rigid, though she did not seem quite as tense, but somehow even gloomier.

"If I sleep… and you check my vitals and stuff and I'm fine, and the others are back, can we do it?"

The white gem considered it for a moment, looking at pleading eyes and the life that had returned to them across the counter. He was a strange child – bargaining with her to expend his life force to help others. Strange, perhaps foolish, but kinder than he realized.

She affixed a smile to her face to abate him for now. "Perhaps. We will talk to your father, and your caretakers. If your health is optimal and you can acquire unanimous consent, then I will see what I can do."

Still a bit disappointed, Steven figured he best not push his luck; he did not want to make his urgency overly conspicuous.

Just then, Peridot's tablet buzzed, and they all glanced at it.

 _Yes. We are at the barn, just need to take care of one more thing. We will be right there._

No one spoke, listening to the calming sound of Peridot typing onto the electronic keypad and Steven chew a few more pieces of food.

Before she could finish typing the message, there was a soft _woosh_ from outside, like a single mild gust of wind. It was a nice simple sound, a refreshing change after a series of very complicated days.

Unfortunately, like most things in Steven's life, the peace was fleeting, only to be quickly followed by tragedy.


	10. Acceptance

Steven's father poked his head in the Beach House after another few calm minutes, asking if Steven wanted to talk to his Uncle Andy before ending his phone call.

He didn't, not right now, but he hadn't a good excuse...

Clearing his throat, Steven semi-lied. "N-no, maybe later. I'm going to try to get some sleep, actually."

Dani and Blue Pearl both exchanged a reserved glance but said nothing while Peridot encouraged him to try to rest.

With a wink, the green gem urged him up the stairs. "Remember Steven, working hard is important..."

He finished the phrase with a small smile, trying to swallow his mounting fear of whatever would come. "But feeling good is important, too."

"Exactly! We'll all be here when you wake up, so _sleep_."

It did not take long for him to get comfortable, exhausted as he was and moderately satiated from the brunch. While the prospect was more than enough to frighten him, he also recognized it could not be avoided forever.

Fifteen calm minutes of silence passed, lulling him into a weary sleep, before the warp pad activated in the Beach House. Garnet, Pearl and Amethyst immediately peaked their heads up to make sure the future was as Garnet predicted, and indeed, he was soundly asleep in bed.

The white gem immediately ascended to the top of the stairs, sitting down quietly and holding her knees to her chest about a foot from Steven's mattress. She was relieved he was asleep, because it would be too much to force a smile right now.

 _Please, please, be my Steven._

Wordlessly, Garnet's moved to her side as Amethyst went to inform the others of their return. Quietly, Pearl breathed a few words of anxious release. "He looks so peaceful."

The rise and fall of his chest, rhythmic and heavy, was something she had observed many days and nights. It was a purely human function that she, Garnet and Amethyst sometimes adopted for his benefit. She didn't need to breathe, but in a strange way, it made her feel more connected to him.

At first, she might have let herself get carried away when Steven was an infant. When she would watch over him, Pearl found repeating the strange motions through her throat while he cooed in

his crib oddly cathartic, something she could practice and maybe someday understand. It wasn't necessary, but it was nice. It was something she could control in a life where she felt everything slipping away.

Rose made plenty of choices that Pearl would never understand, so maybe if she practiced these movements like she learned to wield a sword, she might one day understand humans and, by extension, make peace with Rose's sacrifice.

Now she was pretty sure she understood, watching Steven roll over in his sleep and smack his lips a few times. He faced away from her and Garnet, who still stood over them both. Pearl rested her gem against her knees carefully, remembering how simple it had all once been.

Steven had grown up much too quickly in fourteen years for Pearl's liking, a proverbial blink of an eye in her life span of over 6,000 years. She remembered how he would open and close his fists at three when he wanted to be picked up, or when he first played the ukulele for them at six, or how they used to do laundry together at nine, or when he would show her a new video game at eleven that would exaggerate the bounds of good and evil.

He used to cry at that food cartoon, not at the imminent danger of his friends and family. She used to walk into town to get him donuts, never to walk to the Car Wash and try to tell Steven's father that something had gone wrong, that they had failed. She already had to do that once with Garnet only a few days ago, and Pearl wasn't sure she could do it a second time. Steven _appeared_ to be sitting only inches away, so close she could pat the curls she had known for much longer than fourteen years.

Telling Connie hadn't been easy, but it also hadn't been terrible. The girl was stronger than an average human (indeed, perhaps stronger than most Gems), and after their stint on Homeworld, she knew the pink human could bear the news. Greg's reaction would be much less predictable. He thought with his heart, not with his head... which, Pearl mused, was probably why Rose fell in love with him.

For awhile longer, she watched the rise and fall of his torso beneath the covers, trying to match the motions like she had all those years ago. If Steven wasn't here, and she was simply staring at an empty bed, Pearl could at least be certain that her own breathing was real. For now, she would breathe for them both, exhaling and inhaling through her nose until she could be absolutely certain he could share this air with her.

Pearl looked up eventually, meeting Garnet's gaze. The fusion's eyes could not be seen, but Pearl could tell when she was being watched, and the silence was telling of their lingering.

Without words, Garnet knelt and gave Pearl her hand, which the thin gem accepted with a squeeze. Together they stood and leaned slightly forward, looking down at twitching brow of their little Steven, doubtlessly being rocked by some unforgiving nightmare once again.

 _We need to go,_ Garnet's fingers seemed to whisper between the crevices of Pearl's smaller ones.

 _I know._ She exerted a tiny bit of pressure. _He doesn't like it when I watch._ Her wrist twisted as she moved the rubbed of her hand against a cheek, dispelling some sudden moisture that had stained her pale complexion.

Red and steady, one hand rubbed circles into the other, eventually leading them both out of the house.

"A... snow day? But it's not winter." Lapis frowned as Connie re-explained her idea. The girl had spent well over an hour preparing various odds and ends inside the barn, and while the ocean gem didn't really get it, the others all seemed to find the idea sort of sweet.

"That's where you come in – if, you don't mind, of course. We don't _need_ the snow, but Steven's never gotten to experience a real 'snow day.' I think it would be a nice 'human' touch. Does that make sense?"

In truth, Lapis did not understand, but she could see the pink human was excited by the prospect. The girl had already tried to explain the difference between a _snowy_ day and a _snow_ day to her more than three times, and it was clear they were not going to connect on this, so she just shrugged and agreed.

"What do you need me to do?"

Connie's hands turned into excited fists, her eyes alive with energy. " _Yes!_ Thank you, Lapis, thank you! All I would want you to do is turn the ground around the barn and on top of it snowy. If I get it wet with the hose, can you do that?"

She didn't see why not, so Lapis nodded and Connie ran off to find said apparatus.

Garnet had been monitoring the situation nearby, and once Connie was out of earshot, she approached the blue gem. It had been about thirty minutes since Steven had fallen asleep, and it was likely he would still be asleep for another hour or so.

"I think it's nice that you're helping her," the fusion said gently. Lapis hadn't expected the sudden sincerity – out of all the Gems she had bonded with, Garnet was probably the least she felt a connection to (at least, when she was just Lapis). As Pree, it felt easier, Peridot's affection for the fusion was natural and warm. Lapis was... more like snow, incidentally. Cold and taciturn.

"It's not a big deal. Just snow." She raised a hand and collected some lingering moisture from the ground, forming a ball of said substance.

"Mmm..." The fusion said with a knowing smile that irked the blue gem slightly.

"Why are you here, again?" Lapis asked with her arms crossed. Garnet answered by lowering her head, gesturing at the the bulky rectangle she was supporting in front of her pelvis. To Lapis, it looked like a very small, old model of Gem-ship with a front-facing window. In operative terms, it would only be able to fit a few very tiny gems.

"Connie needed to borrow our spare microwave. It's for her... plan." Garnet placed it down onto a bale of hay, causing it to sink slightly into the flaxen surface. The compacted straw was sturdy enough to hold the bulky piece of metal, but it must have weighed more than it appeared by the way the hay sagged.

Lapis considered asking what a _microwave_ was, or why they had at least two of them, but before she had the opportunity the fusion waved and began to walk back towards the warp pad. Lapis gazed after her with a confused scowl, but couldn't be bothered to think on it for much longer; Connie had just returned with the hose.

With a generous amount of support from Lapis' hydrokinesis, the pair managed to coat the entire structure and a comfortable perimeter of fifteen feet around the barn in water. Connie was unabashedly awed once it came to Lapis' turn to transform the soaking landscape into a wintery backsplash. She had seen the gem fight (indeed, she had been on the receiving end of one of those watery fists more than a few times), but this was a different sort of demonstration from the ocean

gem. It was expressive, a painting of the gem's decisive fluidity and ingrained elegance. With ease, Lapis wove her arms through the air and turned the land into a private tundra, trailing patches of frost behind her as she flew threw around the barn with easy grace, guiding the physical forms of the land to solidify into smooth planes of ice and white piles of crunchy snow.

Once the deed was done, Connie turned to Lapis and gave her a breathless laugh. "Wow, Lapis. Thank you so much. That was amazing to watch."

She was met by a confused stare, followed by an embarrassed fluttering of lashes as the blue gem attempted to brush off the compliment. "It's no trouble. You'd know better than I do if Steven would like it."

"He's going to love it. This is the break he needs. I think it's the break _everyone_ needs, to be honest."

Not known for her sensitivity, Lapis cocked her head to the side and examined the pink girl with mild curiosity. "And you're not worried?"

"Er, about?" Connie notched a brow, only to clench her teeth a moment later. "Oh." She realized Lapis was referring to Steven.

"Yeah," replied the gem, studying the reaction break across Connie's face. Her examination was mostly for naught, though, because Connie shrugged and turned away.

"I mean, I am. _Of course_ I'm worried. Once we went on the mission earlier, none of us really talked about it, but... I don't know. Maybe I just don't want to believe it, that he might not be real, or maybe spending some time alone will let me really know how to feel without hearing everyone else's judgment. I sort of want to... decide for myself."

Lapis eyed the sword Connie had borrowed from Pearl, laid out besides the frozen pool-lake that Peridot had gifted her when they first became barnmates.

"So you think it's possible, though? That the others are right about him?"

Connie hugged her arms across her chest and looked at the clouds and the sun, starting its western descent across the horizon.

"I guess anything's _possible_ , isn't it? Me being here... that's at least proof of that," she said as she raised a pink hand high into the air, examining the curious filtering of rosy light through her transparent skin.

"I mean... I should be dead. It's still weird to think about. I don't get hungry, but I can eat; I have a pulse, but I don't get tired. I can sleep if I want to, but I don't have to. If we're defining 'real' as all of us being the exact same as before all of this, then I guess I'm not real either. Then none of us are real, are we?"

Lapis narrowed her eyes, thoughtfully weighing what the human girl had said. Once the pink arm returned to Connie's side, the blue gem offered a slow response.

"Maybe so... and, if this is the _real_ Steven, what are you going to do? What should _any_ of us do? White Diamond has..."

"I don't care." Connie interrupted her, turning back to look at the ocean gem. Her tone wasn't rude, but fierce. Lapis raised an eyebrow, prompting her to continue.

"The way I see it, White Diamond still has him. Rather he's really there, or he's really here, but it doesn't matter. Whichever one is the truth still means White Diamond has some power over him, but that doesn't have to mean we've lost. We _haven't_ lost," she repeated the phrase, surprising Lapis with a proud smile. "Steven's alive. As long as he's alive, then we have a chance. And I'm not going to give up, if that means going back to space, or helping him re-adjust to life on Earth. As long as Steven's alive and Homeworld's going to come after him, then we've still got a job to do."

The two stared at each other for a long moment, a breeze catching some of the false snow and blowing it to life despite the latent warmth of the countryside. Short hair shifted across both sets of shoulders in their pause, the world observing the exchange in quiet admiration of their impossibly difficult task.

Acceptance. That's what it was. Anything beyond it was another mission - go to space, stay on Earth, fight Homeworld, fight corrupt gems, beat White Diamond. Whatever the next steps, they both knew they would face it for Steven's sake. The real challenge was was accepting, lapsing into certainty. _That_ was difficult, and Lapis had to admire the girl's raw determination.

An odd memory resurfaced for the gem as she studied the outline of pink against an orange sky, recalling the way Steven had viscerally reacted on the beach the evening he returned. They were all beyond thrilled to see him, but when she told him Connie was still alive? The gem's unbeating heart filled with feeling at the way his eyes regained their sparkle, the life that had returned there. He had been filled with some sort of desperate, overwhelming happiness at the mere _possibility_ that this human standing ten feet from her was still alive.

 _No wonder Steven loves you._

With a sly smile, Lapis shrugged and walked into the barn. "I guess you're right. Now, go home. If you get in trouble with your parents, that's going to be on you, not me."

Garnet returned to the Beach House after checking on those at the barn to find it quiet and cool, the last light of the day creeping through the windows that stretched long across the wooden floors. Steven was still asleep, and she had a strong suspicion he would be for awhile longer. Connie would have just enough time to prepare everything for their date.

 _It's not a date, Ruby. She wouldn't like that you called it that._

 _Oh, c'mon, Sapphy, you know as well as I do that so is a date. I am literally sharing a mind with you, I know you're thinking it too!_

 _But we needn't involve ourselves in it – his funky flow, remember?_

Exiting the house and looking over the railing, Garnet's attention was immediately demanded by a loud but affectionate voice.

"What _up_ G! I was just telling P-dot about your awesome moves earlier." Amethyst waved at her from the sand, the green and purple gems laying down side-by-side and watching the first stars come out. Peridot's expression flickered for a moment at Amethyst's words, and Garnet was pretty sure she detected a trace of disappointment there, but it was quickly replaced by a grin and a thumbs up.

Naturally, the fusion returned the gesture before she descended to meet them along their grainy resting place. Garnet noted in her descent that Danburite and Blue Pearl were still together,

standing by the water's edge. "Where are Pearl and Greg?"

Peridot leaned forward and craned her neck around to the Northern path along the beach, where the sand eventually yields to wood and concrete near the pier and amusement park.

"That way," she pointed, her own voice clearly curious.

Amethyst looked at Garnet upside down and added, "Yeah. She went with Greg, I guess they needed some 'worried-parent' time. Do you think she's telling him?"

"Mmm..." the fusion replied, readily scanning the future for any sort of worries.

"Not exactly. I wager she might, but I think she wants to try to wait a little longer. See if we can't know for sure before making him worry."

Peridot sat forward and held one knee against her torso, the other extended long by the purple gem's side.

Grumbling slightly, Peridot spoke. "Maybe Connie will be able to tell us something we can't see." When she noticed Garnet give her a confused frown, she added, "Amethyst explained to me what Connie is doing - i.e., why I can't go home yet. Hopefully she can get a better sense than the rest of us."

The three grew thoughtful for a time before Peridot began again. "I guess I can't blame Pearl. This doesn't feel very good."

"This?" Garnet repeated, looking down. The speaker did not look up, though, staring at the silhouettes of two lean gems walking along the water's edge. It appeared Blue Pearl was speaking, which was a rare sight in-and-of itself, and Peridot couldn't imagine about what.

"Umm... yeah, _this_ ," she repeated, readjusting to look back at the Beach House.

"We don't know the likelihood of the possibilities, right? So... if it would hurt Steven's father to worry about something that might not be true, I don't know if we _should_ tell him. It feels like that might make it worse, even if it feels like we should tell him. It's like, bringing up Jasper around Lapis. It feels like I should try to talk to her about it sometimes, but it's not like I can change what already happened. That's how I feel now. I feel bad thinking about Steven... about _this_. I wouldn't want to make Steven's father feel like this." She finished with a sigh.

"I wouldn't want to make anyone feel like this."

Amethyst chewed on her bottom lip and shot a look towards Garnet, but eventually laid back in the sand as the sky continued to darken.

"I get ya, Peri. But what if it's the opposite? If that's _not_ Steven, and we _don't_ tell Greg, what do we do then? Play dumb and act like we didn't suspect it? 'Oh yeah, sorry, we thought it was your son and stuff but turns out he's still a space prisoner. Our bad!' ... that just feels wrong to me."

Garnet rocked her head back and forth a few times before weighing in, turning her vision upwards to join in their celestial studies.

"There really isn't any way to feel right about this." A little hopefully, she gave them both a small smile."But, Peridot is at least right about one thing.

Let's put some trust in Connie right now, and we can deal with Greg once she has had her chance with him. After all, we can only plan so far ahead."

"Coming from the one who can see the future. Great pep talk, G." Amethyst snorted

Peridot looked at each of them before bursting into sudden cackling laughter, rolling on her sides in the soft particulates.

The burst of sound caught the attention of those wandering the shore, and Amethyst groaned quietly and said "and here come's the fun-killers..." as Blue Pearl and Danburite quietly strode closer.

"Hello," Garnet said with a small wave of her right hand, Sapphire reflecting prettily under the last lights of the day.

Danburite and Blue Pearl both nodded their heads, but didn't respond directly. In their defense, neither knew how to balance their preprogrammed aversion for fusion with their respect and appreciation for being taken in by the group. Garnet was the leader, and that meant fusion was a part of the reality that came with accepting refuge here.

Garnet didn't mind the minor chill that lingered across their shoulders - she knew they were both putting in an effort, which was the most she could hope. "Actually, can I have a word, Pearl?"

All of the group looked at the blue gem spontaneously, but neither the speaker nor the addressee so much as flinched. Her posture was totally rigid, with the exception of her bowed head. Behind her bangs, unseen by the others, Blue's eyes had just gone wide.

"With... me?" She asked slowly, and the eyes shifted to follow the volley of their conversation, resting again on Garnet.

"Yes."

Tense stillness passed with a breeze in the sand, sending some dust through the tresses of the gems resting under the fresh beams of moonlight. Salty atmosphere had sufficiently cleansed them all of the last reminders of space, no otherworldly sterilization floating around each of them. Amethyst shifted her weight when no one spoke, tired with the waves of mutual distrust and confusion that washed around their seaside home.

"Y-yeah, c'mon, Dans! Peri and I can show you around Beach City some more. We can find you some humans to poke."

The white gem dragged her gaze away from the stand-off, ultimately letting her eyes befall the shorter gems on the ground. Peridot smiled at her and nodded in encouragement.

Dani's face grew perplexed as the suggestion settled and took root in her mind. "Wait, why would I poke them?"

"It's like, a figure of speech, or whatever," said Amethyst as she stood and brushed herself of sand. Blue Pearl's mouth had grown so thin it might have all but disappeared, splitting the disapproval and fear across her face in two.

Peridot hopped up and leapt onto Amethyst's shoulders so they were collectively up to Dani's shoulders.

"Let's go - there's exploring to be done!" The green gem pointed towards the city and Amethyst began to run through the shifting sands, Danburite walking quickly behind them.

Garnet smiled and sat down along the now vacant beach, patting beside her with a reassuring nod. "I just want to talk. Really." When Blue Pearl didn't move, Garnet sighed and looked at her right palm. "For old time's sake?"

The visible twitch of Pearl's arm did not go unnoticed by the fusion, who chuckled lightly. A moment later, the blue gem nearly flopped backwards onto the ground when a blinding flash of luminescence, far brighter than the moon or stars above, enveloped the shore with dazzling color.

It was over a moment later, and in place of the lustrous glow sat two gems, hand-in-hand.

"Now sit, ya baby." Ruby instructed, pointing across Sapphire's lap where Garnet had patted a moment ago. Expression stone-cold, Blue Pearl wordlessly obeyed and sat next to Sapphire on the ground, looking out at the ocean. Ruby sighed contently and adjusted so she could lay her head across Sapphire's lap, clearly enjoying making Blue Pearl uncomfortable with their affection.

Sapphire stroked a hand across Ruby's voluminous hair, causing a crease to erase in the path of her motions. "Thank you, Pearl."

Blue shifted a little but did not know how to respond. It had been thousands of years since she had seen this Sapphire, and her memories were still vivid to this day. A little resentment crept across her face, coloring it darker blue, remembering how the Crystal Gems had made a fool of her and her Diamond all those years ago.

Slowly, she managed a careful response. "What... is this about... your Grand Clar-"

"That's enough, Pearl." Sapphire interrupted, and the meek gem flinched backwards as if she had been struck. "You don't have to call me that."

Ruby, who had shut her eyes and relaxed at Sapphire's touch, peaked through one and looked right at Blue Pearl. "She'd actually prefer if you didn't."

Blue drew back slightly, disquieted by the implications of the two knowing the thoughts of the other.

A higher ranking gem had just given her a direct order, however, so Blue Pearl's lips remained sealed until Sapphire broke the silence.

"I just wanted to tell you how grateful I am that you brought Steven back to us. You took a very large risk in doing this, and I am in your debt, Pearl."

Ruby opened her eyes again, watching Sapphire address the trembling presence beside them, and smiled with tender warmth at her counterpart. A long time ago, she once would have thought how no Pearl deserved such humble kindness, but of course Sapphire defied all expectations.

"Earth is a weird place, with weird people, and weird rules," Ruby said, leaning her head further back to view Blue Pearl upside down. The gem was so surprised and confused by the conversation that her mouth was slightly agape, though her eyes were sufficiently shielded by her bangs.

"And in the next few weeks, we have a pretty good feeling things are going to get even weirder. You might not be happy here." The red gem finished by closing her eyes and nuzzling slightly into Sapphire's fingers, much to Blue's discomfort.

A small sigh was released by the smaller of the blue gems before ultimately picking up her partner's sentiment. "What Ruby is trying to say - what _we_ are trying to say - is you don't have to stay. We are happy with what you've done, and we won't begrudge you if you choose to go. But there is going to come a point on this planet very soon where it will be dangerous for you to be here. The choice will be yours, and yours alone, but we want you to do what _you_ want to do. On this planet, Pearl, you are free to choose your destiny. That might turn out to be what you want, or it may turn out to be too much - if you ever decide to go, just, please let us know first. There is something we want to share with you when the time comes."

Had the night not been warm, one might have though Blue Pearl was carved from ice. She was as beautiful as any sculpture, lean and curved and sinewy, but her body language spoke only in the language of regrets. There were dozens of questions she had for the seer, but the protective red presence sprawled across her lap combined with what remaining dignity she had stilled her questioning.

Biting the inside of her gums, the quaint gem eventually thawed from her surprise, a single inquiry passing through her lips.

"And if I... stay? Will you ever share whatever it is?"

Sapphire looked down at Ruby in her lap and smiled, placing the cool face of her gemstone against the warmth of her partner's cheek.

"No, I don't imagine we will. But the future is never set in stone." -

Pearl and Greg had nearly completed their circuit around the beach, starting at the northern side and edging through the town by the Car Wash, rounding the Big Donut.

Greg imagined the first time he saw this beach almost twenty five years ago. It was a sweet memory to him, because it was the night he met Rose, but it was also the night he met Garnet, Amethyst, and the gem who walked with him now.

They had only ever talked about that first night once, and it was still when Steven was very small. He couldn't even remember what brought it up, maybe him finally finishing his CD after all those years - the timing was about right, as he recalled - but he would surely never forget the conversation.

Whatever had sparked the discussion, he had been on this same stretch of sand with Garnet and Amethyst, sitting in the back of his van and rocking Steven to sleep. Greg remembered sighing longingly, looking out across the water, somewhere between mourning and counting his blessings. He recalled the first time he saw Rose, how he lost his focus and forgot his words in the foam of the tides that night, those pillars of pink mane visible all the way from the stage.

Pearl arrived a short while later, stiffly greeting Greg with a nod and beckoning for Amethyst and Garnet to rejoin her in the Temple.

" _W-wait, Pearl. I wanted to thank you for watching Steven a few days ago. I really appreciated the help."_

They lingered for a short while longer, and the nostalgia tripped over his better judgment when he brought up the night they all met. Amethyst and Garnet were less than dazzled by the memory, but Pearl was severe in her response. She curtly pointed out how, in hindsight, it was one of her least favorite memories. Greg hadn't seen that coming, particularly since he remembered the day so

fondly, and at that point Pearl had taken Steven into her own arms to hold.

" _Rose used to love to watch the sea at night, but I guess you probably already know that. I don't think I'll ever forget that night. She was surprised to find a human performing music. It's not like she hadn't listened to music before, but you had taken her by surprise that night."_

She rubbed a delicate hand over Steven's budding curls, starting to kink like his mother's, and smiled sadly at the memories.

" _After thousands of years, I guess I couldn't surprise her anymore."_

"Greg? Did you hear me?" Pearl repeated herself, squinting at the man as he stared at the blanched grains beneath his sandles, quiet for sometime.

"Huh? Oh, uh, sorry. Just thinkin'." He smiled sheepishly and moved towards a well-worn log, a practical trademark to the southern shore at this point.

Pearl sat next to him and sighed. "It's fine. I guess we all have a lot on our minds. I was just saying how we might start moving our operations away from Beach City for a time. We're thinking the barn, but nothing is set in stone. We'd take Steven's bed and things so he could still be comfortable, but we feel like it would be safest to keep him away from humans right now."

Biting his tongue, the man nodded slowly, watching the water creep closer to their feet. "Mmm... ah, well, you probably can't tell me for magic reasons, and usually I wouldn't want to know, but I wouldn't be much of a responsible parent if I didn't ask why?"

Pearl became very still - stiller than normal, which was saying something, considering she was typically the epitome of poise. "I... want to explain. But I'm not sure if I can, not yet. There's still a lot Steven... hasn't told us. I know you're anxious, and I don't want him to close himself off to you, or to any of us, but I don't know how to handle this, Greg."

With an empty laugh, the white gem hung her head and held it in her hands, elbows propped against her knees. Greg eyed her carefully, not sure he's seen Pearl this openly distressed in fourteen years.

"I know we have... we have _always_ asked so much of you, Greg. We haven't - _I_ haven't - treated you fairly, and still, you put more trust in us than I feel we deserve. We weren't able to protect him, and I'm not sure if... we can still protect him. I want to try to do everything I can this time to make sure he's... _safe_." Pearl chose her words carefully, torn between telling the man every suspicion pounding in her head against the unnecessary, if not unfair, burden this sort of stress might add.

Greg was silent as he listened, unsure of how to respond. A tiny flare of anger boiled in his veins as he remembered the night the Gems returned from Homeworld. Without Steven. He did trust them like they were his own family (after all, weren't they?), but each degree of separation from his son made the man feel that much more desperate.

"Geez..." he eventually said, sighing and feeling the weight of more than forty years roll down his back. "When did this all get so complicated, you know?"

Pearl smiled for a moment, but her eyes betrayed the solemnity beneath. "Approximately 25 years ago, if I had to estimate."

The man couldn't help but laugh, and the two tired friends shared in their exhausted worries, long- off memories, and unsure futures. They exchanged a tired smile and both turned to face the sea, quiet for a time, lost somewhere in the cracks of the mind that split from memories and worries.

"I'll do anything if it'll help Steven, Pearl, you know that. I just... I want my son back."

"Oh, you don't know the half of it." Pearl had to swallow the urge to hiss the moment the words passed through her lips, eyes gone wide at her reflex. She still wasn't ready to have this conversation with him, and she was even more sure that he wasn't ready to hear it.

Mercifully, if Greg detected anything more than sardonic humor, he didn't show it. Instead, he had taken to studying the etchings that wore into his fingers, examining the callouses along his fingers from a lifetime of music.

Greg asked very quietly, "Do you think they're going to come for him, Pearl? Amethyst... said you were gearing up for the possibility of a war. Another war."

Darkly, Pearl's eyes fell to examine the shape of her knees, bent comfortably so her feet could rest along the sand. While lying for the man's benefit in respects to Steven was one thing, this was a larger, world-altering scale.

"I'm not sure," she responded slowly, feeling like the words in her mind were suddenly too swollen and disjointed to pass through her lips. "He is... rather, I can't see a way this will end if... unless, she, White Diamond, gets what she wants."

"And after hearing all that you guys said, you mean my son, right?" "..."

"Got it... so, if this White Diamond is the big villain, and if she needs Steven for... whatever it is that was going on out there," he watched the way Pearl flinched, madly curious and even more afraid of what she might know. "Then I guess the deck was stacked before the first card hit the table."

"Excuse me?" Pearl turned her head in his direction, genuine confusion settling across her forehead.

"Sorry - it's a slang term. It means... there wasn't ever a choice to begin with. It's referring to a card game, like, someone cheated so the deck favored them to win no matter what."

"That's horrible," Pearl remarked, understanding the analogy now.

"Nah, it's not so bad, because it usually just refers to dumb games like Texas Hold 'Em. That's what I play with Barb and Vidalia on the weekends. This deck, with Homeworld, sucks a _lot_ more than getting robbed by Barb's poker face."

Pearl rubbed a hand across her forehead, thinking about everything to the point where her mind almost felt empty. It was a puzzling feeling, for sure.

"So, the 'deck is stacked.' Yes, I suppose that's right. I guess I should have known once we got to Homeworld, but it never felt so _real_ until we got back. When I talked to Connie the first night, before she went back to see her parents, I told myself I would go to war again if it came to that. And I haven't changed my mind."

"But it doesn't have to come to that?" Greg asked hopefully, but a diminutive glance to his right suggested him otherwise.

"No, it's more that I've managed to... reclaim something. I should have had it with me when I left Earth to go after him, but I never realized how large the threat was. It's clear to me now, but I'm

paying for it every second, for not trying harder, for not thinking ahead. We almost lost Connie and Amethyst out there because we underestimated them. You've had a fair share of wars between humans here, and it's the same for all of us, gem or human. When it comes to war, no one ever wants to concede. Something has to happen - something has to _change_ for the tides of battle to stop. Rose had to..." Pearl stopped, looking off with anxious eyes.

"Pink Diamond?" Greg suggested. He knew the story, but not much besides the broad strokes.

Pearl bit her lip and nodded. "Yes. And now, we've come back to that. It might not be a formal war yet, but it's coming. I can feel it. Garnet wants to hold out, to see if it can be avoided... and I want that, but it's just not going to happen, Greg. _That's_ why we need to move Steven. He's the... well, he's the thing that could change the 'deck.' She'll go where he goes."

Nodding along thoughtfully, Greg stood slowly and stretched out his back. The white gem followed and they began to move back towards the Beach House, quiet for the remainder of the walk.

When the other's came into view, the man stopped and frowned, so Pearl turned back to meet his gaze.

"Steven... he's so much like Rose, isn't he?"

Pearl looked down at her hands, balling them into fists. "Yes. He always has been."

"And," Greg looked up at the skies before following an invisible thread to his son's home. "Do you think _he'll_ want the war? I know I wasn't there Pearl, but I know a fair amount about it, at least as far as Rose was concerned. She... she did it for humans and for gems. I don't think she would have ever put others in danger just to protect herself, even if you and I begged her to."

Setting her jaw, Pearl tried to keep her frustrations to herself. "I think you just answered that yourself. Rose never would, and neither would Steven. But I didn't fight with Rose because she told me to - in fact, I fought because she told me _not to_. It was a risk I wanted to take because I... well, the important thing is, this is bigger than Steven. There are more lives and more legacies at stake than just those of this town."

Brow low, Greg focused on the sand below in pause, a bit of emotion creeping up his throat.

"Do you... do you ever think he'll be okay again?"

At that, Pearl smiled and released a long and contented sigh. "I don't know. There's this... this elusive _thing_ that tells you what's at stake in a war. The first time I found it, it's because I didn't want to lose Rose, and lose the life we had started to make on this planet... When we left for Homeworld, I was so scared for Steven that I didn't bother to think. I just acted and acted and acted until we came up without anything to show for it. I wanted to get him and get out as soon as I could, but that's not enough. It wouldn't have been enough before, and I was a fool to think it would be enough now. This requires more than just actions, Greg. This requires a real, total _win_. Rose knew what it would take to make Homeworld stop the first time, and wise as she was, that's what I'm afraid it will take this time if we want Steven to be safe ever again."

Pearl turned and walked straight towards the other, leaving him alone under the stars to weigh the borrowed words she had left in the sands.


	11. Dreams at Work

When Steven opened his eyes, he saw nothing.

It was eerily familiar to the feeling of waking up on the blue drop ship, almost one month ago to the day. For the second time, he wondered if he had been struck blind.

To make sure the sensation was not imagined, Steven raised his fingers to his face and touched his eyelids, pulling them open one by one. Still blackness, inky like the sea on a cloudy night, but without the ebbing tides. This was an infinity of nothing.

 _Hello?_

Steven tried to speak, and his voice was heard only his mind. There was a twitch at the corner of his lips when he tried to open his mouth, but no words formed there.

 _Huh._ The impulse of fear rose from a pit in his stomach, but it was swallowed back by a strange mixture of foreign relief. It was like his favorite show had just stopped airing re-runs, finally something new, odd but not unpleasant. He felt a tiny bit of curiosity blossom somewhere along the ledger of his imagination, wondering if he was dreaming.

If this was a dream, it wasn't so bad; the dark was, after all, predictable. Scary, perhaps, but not horrific. Steven had come to expect the pinpricks of alien senses when the lights went down, the sighs of textures into the skin or the restless fidgeting of mysteries across the eardrums. Most of the tremors across his spine in the dark were imaginary, whereas his daydreams had become living nightmares rather than imagined ones.

It was neither cold nor warm here, his sense of space was even less perceptible than normal. Steven used his hands as a guide.

After forcing his eyelids open a second time, he traced the corner of his mouth where it had twitched earlier and tried to speak a second time.

"H-?" _ello_. There was a stutter of sound, but his vocal chords failed him. With a frown, he felt around his shirt collar and remembered he was wearing his pajamas, not his white garb from space. The cotton hung a bit loose around his neck, but at least it was his own clothing.

His inspection brought him to his navel, adorned by a large and jutting shape that told him he was alive. It seemed to battle with his heart most days for sovereignty of his body, but he was certain neither his gem nor his pumping heart could function without the other.

Steven traced the outline of his gemstone for a moment longer, thinking about the emptiness and how he may have come to be here. Not simply here, in this void, but _here_ in the latitude of space and the longitude of time. His coordinates had been skewed, a little too close to human but much too far to be gem. There was no North Star, no magnetic guidance to reset his cardinal directions, and everything seemed to stretch to the empty horizons endlessly. More like a circle, less like an arch, this sort of existence lacked a proper beginning and had no forseeable end.

Sitting up, Steven wasn't so sure he wanted to be wherever _here_ was, confused and sore and tired. This place was a distraction from a larger narrative that dictated his compliance with an otherworldly plan in an otherworldly plane of existence. He needed to focus, to go back to reality, to renegotiate the terms. His home was waiting for him on the other side, and beyond that, Homeworld.

 _I have to go back. I_ _ **have**_ _to._

A memory resurfaced and Steven went to cup his cheek, moving his attention away from his gem to a phantom sting that lingered against his face.

 _You are not like other humans, and you are not like other gems._

That's what Dani had told him when she tried to wake him up – to bring him back to Earth.

 _You have the strength of our kind, yet all of the spirit of organic life._

Was that true, though? It felt like the opposite. He was prone to human mistakes, his own childish foolishness having gotten him here in the first place. "Spirit" sounded like a forgiving term for stupidity. The more he felt like he understood White Diamond, or himself, or Homeworld, or his mother, the more he realized how wasted his days had once been. So much could have been prevented, had he done things differently - hid somewhere worth its salt when Heliodor and Apatite first arrived,or left with Lapis and Pearl before the execution, or let Dani take him off-planet before the Kindergarten. Each opportunity had slipped through his fingertips, and for some reason he had thought sacrificing himself was a smarter option. In his mind's eye, he could still hear Dani's words, scolding him for succumbing to everything White Diamond wanted.

 _Your human capacity for caring is your greatest strength, but you are letting it become your greatest weakness._

What was he supposed to _do_?

A little desperately, Steven stood up in the dark room and began to move forward. He was able to walk with relative ease, but he could not hear his own footfalls. Indeed, the ground felt wet against his bare feet, but this was not like strolling to shore of the beach. This was a trickle of memories that danced around his toes, splashing around his ankles as Steven picked up the pace, and now he was running. Running towards, or away? He wasn't sure.

Steven ran until his lungs ached, and then he ran some more, wondering if he would ever see the light again. Maybe he really had gone blind, but then, where was he?

Instead of slowing down, Steven tried to leap and float away, hoping his feet might find different ground somewhere else, but his gravity failed him. He didn't float, but fell face forward into the ground, bursting through the liquescence that had supported his weight into a whole new universe of color.

Everything was dazzling here, pastel and comfortable like the inside of Lion's mane. Steven blinked several times at the sudden change – one moment, his world had been black, and then it was like a window of iridescent color exploded into the vastness that was existence. Whites, pinks, blues, yellows, greens and blacks and orange and yellow and _everything_ spilled into and shone brilliantly, though there  
was no direct source of the color. In a strange way, he felt like he was  
floating in the Cluster once again, everything alive but bound to inanimation.

Honestly, he had all but forgotten how beautiful and overwhelming the color of life was.

Steven now knew he must be dreaming, because unlike Lion's mane or the real world or even Homeworld, nothing moved. It almost seemed like nothing at all existed, just him in the empty space of an incorporeal aurora borealis. Color was imbued into the planes of reality, not really derived from anything, existing only in the forms of echoes.

The only movement came from the rise and fall of Steven's chest as he sprawled against the ground, looking at his tinted reflection in the shining surface.

Ragged inhales punctured the silence, preceded by the thumping of his blood against his veins. Eye's moving of their own accord, Steven found his own reflection less than interesting, much more piqued with the scars of his left arm that he had memorized.

The shapes were as elegant against his pallor skin as they were menacing, knowing some terrible truth beneath his organic body that he would never truly understand. How had the raised shape of the diamond insignia come to be there? Why did the blue run like a river, but the yellow arched like lightning? How was he supposed to understand the power of the white circuitry that expanded across his borrowed limb?

Perhaps most curious of all, what was missing from this strange orchestra of pattern and hue?

Sitting upright, Steven plopped onto his backside and let his right fingers study the raised skin of his arm. The white, blue, and yellow shined from within like a sunburn, paling at his touch but returning to their intense glow like a waxing moon. But there was a single plane of his skin that was unmarked by the others, now etched strangely into a secondary diamond of white.

This was the color of his own skin, though, not imbued by magical properties. Pink Diamond's mark, without a hue, was just Steven's own wrist raised like a welt. It might never heal, but it seemed it would never stain.

 _You will find Pink, and you will return to me, else I will have to come and find her, and you, myself._

There was so much he didn't understand, and he wasn't sure who would be the right person to ask. Pearl or Garnet would really be the only ones to know, but if he told them about the visions, what would they do? He had to go back to Homeworld or else the Earth would be put under threat, but that required to him lying to the people he loved most of all.

The only other person who might know would be White Diamond, and he had somehow woken into sleep _here_ , not in her throne room, or at the top of some insane tower, or beneath the cold curvature of her stone palm.

Steven eventually closed his eyes and tried to relax, exhaling deep through his nose and turning over to lie on his back. Behind his lids, things were black again, and that was once again sort of peaceful.

If nothing else, it's how things felt like they _should_ be. This dazzling world behind his vision didn't feel like one he deserved to be a part of.

Everything swam through his mind for a while, images of cracked gemstones and falling rocks, flaming pillars and shuddering sighs, laughter and hugs and ruffling hair, and some tears of every kind – afraid and hurt and excited and joyous. Steven heard and saw and felt them all, unaware if they were a filter of his own jumbled mind or his ingrained empathy; perhaps a bit of both.

With some of softness of light still peeking through the dark blinders of his world, Steven's lids fluttered open to reveal a startling change. He was very much surrounded by color, but this time, it cast shadows and wound into recognizable shapes. These were not just imagined filters of the rainbow painted across an infinite zenith. Now, he was being rained on with cool drops of water, falling from clouds of bubbles… real, tangible bubbles of the gem variety. Steven blinked through the droplets that spattered his face and clothes, looking skyward, trying to focus on one of the hundreds that gathered at the rift of sky.

He was no longer in a chasm between realities; this was a room he recognized. Well, it wasn't exactly the same as he remembered it, but it felt like it at this moment. This room was nearly a mirror image of the room that had contained the Rose Quartz bubbles on Pink Diamond's ship, the one that he had nearly been caught in by Blue and Yellow Diamond. The place where this all began... but, this room was white as snow, giving a kaleidoscopic effect to the oscillating orbs from above.

Larger than even the room's twin on Pink Diamond's base, this chamber was probably blown up twice the size – higher, wider, larger, quieter. There were parallel ramps on both sides of  
the room that went up at an incline, but there was no grand door at the end  
that led to any sort of Human Zoo. The sophisticated pillars of alabaster stretched  
high into the air and connected at a vaulted ceiling, tall enough for any of  
the Diamonds to fit in comfortably.

Above, through his squinting lids, Steven realized the falling rain dropped from bubbles that were not empty. Within, the Rose Quartz gems that had once floated through space floated  
and turned idly in the empty air. Each had been reduced to nothing but pink  
shards.

The sight was terrifying, but even more disturbingly, it was _breathtaking_. Steven felt disgusted with himself, but it was true. He became emotional as he looked at the clouds of his own kind floating lifelessly in dead space. Every bubble was a different color, seafoam greens,  
dazzling blues, shining pinks, royal purples, soft greys, smoky browns, and  
every color beyond. It was a proverbial rainbow of life, only to contain a  
valley of death within.

 _The execution._

Shaking his head, Steven tried not to go back there, but as he squeezed his lids it was happening again. There was screaming, cracking, shattering, a sandstorm that was no sand and all storm, the pink clouds flecked with grains of pink minerals that were his  
mother and himself. Hundreds, if not thousands, of gems were turned into ash  
before him, _because_ of him.

Steven was breathing harder now, feeling weak as his mind turned from sleep to nightmare, a beautiful, shimmery terror that haunted him while he slept.

In his mind were all of the Rose Quartz left in the universe. All but one had turned to dust and shards.

"N-no... I have to, for the..." he tried to speak, but words were still resistant. Unsure of what else  
to do, Steven wheezed and rolled onto his side, gripping his head between his  
hands. With some focus, he tried to Pearl's worried laugh, or Garnet's warm,  
strong hugs, or Amethyst's mischievous eyes. Connie's smile or sweet voice. Danburite's awkward jokes and Blue Pearl's unexpected grins. His Dad's jokes, advice, and music. Peridot's determination or Lapis' stern worries.

 _They need you, Steven._

Very carefully, Steven lifted his head and looked around – there had been a voice, and it wasn't his own. It wasn't White Diamond or Opalite, nor Stevonnie or Smoky Quartz. Another voice, he felt like he knew it, but he couldn't tell from where.

 _I'm here._

He flinched at the sudden closeness, and to his left was a tiny floating whale, pink and severe.

 _It's you! You're here. Am I… is this my Temple room?_

The words weren't spoken, but he had a sense the whale understood.

 _No._ It didn't move its lips, instead producing a sort of high-pitched squeal sound like a dolphin. Steven had a half-a-mind to wonder how he understood it, but then, he should know better than to argue with his dreams.

 _Why am I here? Where are we?_

 _You're here because you need to be._

 _W-what? I'm... sort of tired of riddles, no offense._

The whale turned and did an aerial flip, but looked at him seriously again.

 _Steven, the others need you. You are the only one who can protect them._

 _I – don't you think I know that? That's why I have to go back. It's the only thing I can do to protect everyone._

 _Is it, though?_ The whale made a face at him, and Steven wrinkled his nose and sat up to face it properly.

 _I don't see any other option. It's_ _ **she**_ _comes here, or I go there._

 _Has life only ever given you two choices?_

 _W-well, I mean…_

Before he had the chance to answer, the whale made that same noise from earlier before being enclosed into a shining pink bubble, much like the ones he would create.

 _Wait! Please, help me! I don't know what I'm supposed to do…_

The whale lifted higher into the air, flipping around in circles in a devastatingly cute performance before the bubble popped. The whale and container both disappeared.

"Wait!" Steven yelled, throwing himself forward in his bed. He shook his head back and forth with such speed he might have given himself whiplash, if not for the careful hand that settled on his shoulder.

"Oh, Steven, please relax. Were you experiencing another stress-induced nightmare?" Dani sat on the edge of his bed, automatically reaching for his wrist to measure his pulse.

Steven didn't resist, but used his other hand to hold his forehead. "W-what? No… no, at least, I don't think so." He looked up as her face came into focus, falling quiet while she finished counting the beats.

"Hmm. Well, your heart-rate is usually erratic for someone at rest. But you do look much better – sleep is the human equivalent to retreating to your gemstone, after all." With a strained-looking smile, Danburite stood and readjusted the blankets so they were no longer crumpled under her weight.

Steven rubbed his eyes and yawned, still reeling from the rush of his dream, somewhere between irked and relieved that he had managed a proper sleep without any trace of White Diamond.

 _But those Rose Quartzes… were those real?_

"Steven?" Danburite said his name when he just stared out the dark windows, night having fallen properly across Beach City.

"Mmm?" He half-replied, gaze up at the white gem with an absent look.

"I do not know how to say this without it seeming, um, 'awkward.' That's how Amethyst put it. So I shall just come right out and say it. Is that acceptable?"

"Uhh…" Steven bit his lip a little anxiously, his attention rightfully back in the present. He realized that none of the gems were occupying his usually busy home, and there was no one he could see lingering outside along the cliff. Had something gone wrong?

"What's going on?" He asked, swallowing harshly on his throat and blinking slowly.

Dani lowered herself so she was about eye-level, bending her knees and tilting her head to one side. The typically expressionless gem had the tiniest traces of curious worry lining her thin mouth.

"I think I have invoked the anger of this planet's military force. An armed human with some strange wares yelled at me in the city, and Amethyst said it was the police. She instructed that we were supposed to run, but I now suspect that was the wrong course of action. I am not sure if I should stay here or hide."

Steven stared at her blankly, looking around the room again to make sure Amethyst wasn't going to jump out and yell " _psyche!"_ in a fit of giggles. Dani didn't seem to find the humor in the situation, so he had to assume she was serious.

"Oooo-kay… why don't you start from the beginning? What happened?" He leaned over to the nightstand and drank some water to relieve his dry throat, half-wondering if he would have been better off still asleep.

"Very well. This evening, when you slept, Amethyst and Peridot encouraged we go into the city to 'explore.' They insisted I would be interesting in poking some humans, but such actions would not be necessary to simply explore. Such measures are really only useful during a full-body examination. After a moderate amount of walking, they brought me to a human neighborhood outside of the city limits. I was surprised to find the… your friend. Connie. Peridot indicated she lives there with her family."

Steven opened his mouth before promptly closing it. He wasn't sure he heard her correctly, and therefore, couldn't respond. _Surely_ he had misheard her.

"Y-you saw _Connie_? _Why?"_

Danburite looked down at the edge of the bed, avoiding his eyes. "That is just the thing - I did not realize it was Connie until they had already helped her out of the window! The next thing I know, we are all running, and there was yelling. Peridot went with Connie and Amethyst went with me. She led me back here and then went into her room. Your father was here when I first arrived, but his fatigue sent him down to his, um, fusion-house. What did Amethyst call it again? A car and a house… well, that is not important. I have not seen anyone else, and I was a little worried to leave you alone. I know you needed your sleep so I've been waiting, and now…"

"... you're here. It's van, by the way." Steven finished the story, unsure if he should balk or laugh. The rollercoaster of an evening begged for comedy, but Danburite seemed genuinely worried.

"What?" Her brow furrowed.

"The thing my dad lives in - it's a van, not a car or a house. But anyways… it doesn't sound so bad. It was probably Connie's dad who was yelling at you, not the actual police. At least, I hope not… You shouldn't sneak around human houses at night though, it's considered impolite."

She looked at him and stood slowly, chewing on her bottom lip. "Should I go now? I was not informed of his convention."

"No, no," he responded, half-laughing and throwing off the covers. "It's fine here, 'cause this is my house. It's sort of everybody's house when it comes to the Gems and my Dad and stuff too." Speaking of which... " he scratched his head and looked at the clock on the microwave. It was just about to turn 9:30 PM. Where was it that Connie was going so late? Her parents were strict with her curfew, and he wasn't surprised if they had been even more intense since she's been home. She had said as much on the phone yesterday.

"Um... Have you seen Pearl or Garnet? And do you know where Connie and Peridot went together?"

Standing upright once again, Danburite rubbed her chin thoughtfully. "I do not recall Amethyst or Peridot mentioning why we went to retrieve Connie. As for the others…" she sat back on Steven's mattress, knees together and elbows propped against her legs.

"I do not know. I am perturbed by it. The fusion and Blue Pearl were conversing when we left, and Pearl was with your father, but I have not seen anyone else. Your father is just outside in the _van_." She set her jaw with the last word, which struck him as odd, but his focus was too divided right now to inquire further.

"I understand this is rest time for humans, so do not let me keep you awake. Did you want to go back to sleep? I can leave you." Danburite's voice was steady as always, but Steven wasn't really listening.

Between the dream he just had and the never-yielding march of time, shining through the false green light of the microwave, Steven's worries had started to bud once again. It had been nice to sleep, for sure, but he had lost nearly seven hours and had nothing to show for it. Perhaps White Diamond had only loosed the chain to give him time to search, but the question of how much made his hands start to shake.

"Dani?" His voice sounded strange, slow.

She quirked her head to the side, spilling her long blonde tresses along the floor. "Is something wrong?"

"No, no… just, can I ask you something? About humans, I guess."

She nodded seriously and gestured for him to sit back on the bed, which he did.

"What do you want to know?" The white gem inquired when he said nothing, watching the clock flicker. 9:37 PM.

"Um…" Steven played with the hem of his pajama shirt, pressing it out between his thumb and forefinger. "I guess… why do we have dreams? I know Gems can dream, too, cause Amethyst and Pearl have done it before. I've even seen Pearl's dreams project from her gem. Can I do that?"

He was met with a blank stare and voice to match. "That is a complicated question. It predicates some understanding of the sleep cycle - do you know about this?"

Steven shook his head, so Danburite smiled at him and nodded. "Humans need sleep as much as they need certain nutrients and hydration, but almost all creatures have the capacity to dream. Pumpkin, the pumpkin that Peridot and Lapis Lazuli care for, can likely dream. It is not strictly a human condition."

"Really? Hmm…" Steven was surprised to hear that. Absently, he wondered what sort of dreams Pumpkin must have.

"Yes," she continued. "Usually, the more sleep, the better - the humans at the Zoo would sleep for eight hours exactly. It is the optimal length of time for adequate brain development, at least at most stages of life. Some smaller humans need more sleep," she paused to place a hand atop of his head, and Steven couldn't resist the sheepish smile that plastered his face.

"Sleep occurs in waves - like your ocean, it varies from deep to shallow. In the deepest parts of rest, typically later in the cycle, is when most dreams occur. To put it plainly, dreams compound your understanding of the world, because your brain would not be able to handle as much information as you take in. This happens in Gems, too, even if we do not have a brain, per say."

Dani tapped her nose twice, which emitted a small _tink tink_ of her stone skin against the hard face of her gemstone. Steven repeated the gesture with his own nose, thoroughly interested in the explanation.

"We are a powerful race, imperialistic and highly-advanced, but you know we are not immortal. Present company excluded, of course." She smiled proudly when Steven laughed at her joke.

"Neither are we perfect designs. I imagine the Diamonds - or, Diamond, more accurately - cannot dream. They have perfect composition and perfect judgement, and by extension, perfect memories. Most Gems are like humans, though, in that we have imperfections and flaws. These are reflections of our incapacity for some things, and so, Pearl and Amethyst can dream if they sleep for the same reason you can dream when you sleep. None of you can handle infinite information, so our minds use sleep as a time to collapse our memories into more simple schemas of reality. It would be impossible to remember every grain of sand you have ever walked on," she turned to face the window, lifting a hand to point at the pale shore. Steven followed her gaze in wonderment, totally captivated.

"But you could probably remember about where we landed by the water a few days ago. That is dreams at work."

She looked down at him, face expressionless once again. Steven could see his own reflection in the white of her visor, and he looked admittedly baffled.

"Wow," he whispered. "That's really cool. Thanks, Dani." He smiled at her, and she nodded but did not return the gesture.

"There was one other question you had - about projecting dreams. I do want to say I doubt it; Pearl's are one of few gems that can project images from their gems from memory… It is part of their design, so they can bring up anything they might be asked by their owner. If you cannot project images regularly from your gem, I do not think you could do it in your sleep."

Steven wrinkled his nose, but kept his grin. "I still appreciate it, thanks. It would be easier to show things I think rather than explain them. Some things are just hard to describe with words, you know?"

The white gem gave him a knowing look and stood from her seat on the bed, but before she could respond, a cool blue light filled the room in time with a melodic _shiing_ as the warp-pad activated, and they were alone no longer.


	12. Snow Day

So lovely she may have been carved from stone, Pearl materialized across the smooth face of the warp pad as the essence of poise. The billowing air, roused by the false rush of light and matter from the deactivating pad, caused the tail end of her tunic to rustle mystically.

Steven couldn't decide if he should be thrilled or worried to see her again, knowing the conversations he needed to have next.

"Hello Danburite, oh - _oh,_ hello, Steven. You're awake." Pearl gasped at the sight of him standing beside his bed, though it should have been clear from her vantage point that Danburite sat on the mattress and he stood nearby, both faced in her direction.

Danburite offered Pearl a nod of hello, and Steven waved with a small smile.

"Hiya, Pearl." He started down the stairs as the lithe gem moved from the pad to the living room proper. "I was just wondering if you and Garnet and I could, um, talk. I have some… _thoughts_ about Homeworld."

Her expression became alarmed and Pearl sported a frown, looking between Danburite and Steven as he came to stand before her. Something weighed at the corners of his eyes, Pearl noted, but he looked mildly less ill from some proper sleep.

After a quick glance at the clock, Pearl shrugged dramatically and lifted Steven under his arms, holding him like a parent might a toddler.

"Well, that sounds nice, Steven, but I'm afraid I can't right now. Some… things have come up, you see."

At this, Danburite crept off the mattress and looked down into the living room from Steven's raised bedroom. Her face was unreadable, but she hissed out a few words.

"Is it the police?"

Pearl blinked in her direction for a moment, justifiably baffled, but she eventually smirked and turned back to the warp pad.

"No, not the police. Not tonight, anyways. Something's come up at the barn. You can come, if you'd like."

Steven leaned back from her embrace, eyeing Pearl in confusion. "At the barn? Is that where Peridot took Connie?"

At the same time, Danburite deftly leapt from the second-floor and landed in stride besides Pearl. He half-directed the question at Dani, but she didn't seem to notice his inflection. Pearl made a face like she had just smelled something unpleasant, but offered no other response.

 _Weird…_

"Well… can I at least walk on my own? I'm not a baby, Pearl."

A glimmer of guilt flashed across her face, but she ultimately mustered a strained smile and placed him down on the surface of the warp pad before stepping up herself. Dani followed a moment later, and with a rush of imbued magic, light burst forth from the pad and covered them all in the bioluminescent byproduct of travel by warp pad.

As quickly as the air escaped his lungs, Steven breathed in the countryside. It wasn't be any standards a _good_ aroma, especially considering Peridot and Lapis had taken to using manure on their crops, but the land had a familiarity about it that Steven still admired.

Nothing on Homeworld smelled like Earth, or much of anything - sterile and futuristic and streamlined, that's all there was to it.

Things weren't clean here, and they were even less predictable; that's what was going to make saying goodbye so hard.

Well, that and the fact that his whole life was here, but his life was one small variable in a lengthy algorithm in keeping people safe - and in order for that function to operate, he had somewhere else he had to be.

Pearl cleared her throat loudly once they stepped off the pad, eyes glued to the hills that separate them from the barn. She looked thoughtful and, if Steven didn't know any better, sort of afraid.

As if reading his thoughts, her focus snapped down over him and she gave him an overly-toothy grin.

"Steven, why don't you go on ahead. I need to have a word with Danburite here."

He gave her a curious look, mouth pressed thin in a line of worry.

"Um, sure… is everything okay?"

The white gem nodded her head furiously and gave him a firm _pat-pat_ between the shoulder blades.

"Y-yep! I am just fine. Yep, good. Good. Go ahead, we'll catch up."

Steven shot a glance at Dani, but her reaction was a moot as ever - she hadn't even descended the warp pad, just watching the exchange with muted disinterest.

"Okay," Steven responded with a shrug, walking off in the other direction.

After a brief trek, passing under dark skies speckled by stars and planets and galaxies, Steven crested the final hill that separated him from the modest barnhouse. Upon the last few steps before breaking the surface, Steven began to rub his eyes to make sure he wasn't still sleeping.

"Wahhh…" he mumbled to no one, captivated by the image ahead. Piles of glittering snow decorated the landscape, like a series of wintery mortars had gone off with the barn acting as the epicenter. Icicles adorned the shingles of the old roof in an icy arrangement of delicate glass, accented by frosted wood and snow bespeckled barrels of hay. Oddly, all of the crops were unaffected by the unseasonable precipitation, utterly aloof to the wonderland around and about their simple earthen existence.

Steven's mouth hung open as he took a crunchy step forward, the compression of snow beneath his sandals creating a concerto of wonder as he advanced forward cross the valley.

"What the…" Steven glanced back over his shoulder, abundantly curious as to what might be happening. Had Peridot conducted some sort of experiment-gone-wrong, freezing the water in the area? Was Garnet split up, and Sapphire having some sort of moment?

The latter thought was disquieting, so he lurched forward and passed the shining surface of the tiny lake outside the barn, peering into the barn doors with bated breath.

There was a soft rustling sound, like someone adjusting their weight, but no one he could see. "Hello…?" Steven called carefully, eyeing each corner with heightened suspicion.

"Oh," answered a voice from above, beckoning his attention to the second floor. "Steven! Up here!"

The saccharine sounds surprised him, and when a pink head poked out over the side with a broad grin, the relief that came was automatic.

"Connie?" He reacted reflexively, voice a song of confusion punctured by quarter rests of excitement and crescendos of nerves.

Steven cleared his throat and tried again, a rush of confidence rising when she smiled down at him. "Connie! What's going on? Where'd all this snow," he paused to kick a little ball into the shed with his toes. "Come from?"

She stood up and leapt down to a stack of bales, creating an uneven and scratchy looking stairway up to the second floor. Steven knew the spot above well; it was Peridot's favorite place for late-night binge sessions of Camp Pining Hearts.

A playful smile danced across the girl's face as she descended the rest of the way down to the ground floor, finally landing with a _crunch_ as the snow bore her weight. Steven felt his face grow a little warm, but chalked it up to his poor health leaving him prone to feverish chills.

"Well, that's definitely a fair question. Let me think… okay, so," she closed the distance between them and offered her arm, crooked at the elbow. He smiled and hooked his own through, studying the mischief of his best friend's face with a confused grin of his own.

"You remember summer? How you never had summer vacation before, and when you learned about it, you felt so _free_ and life felt so _full_ all the sudden?" Connie sighed at her own memories of summer vacation, nostalgic for simpler times.

"Of course," he replied with a small laugh, letting her lead him back to the hay-stairs. "That's when I became Beach-Summer-Fun-Buddies with Lapis… _annnd_ around the time when she tried to drown us and she stole the ocean, but, still. They were mostly good times."

"Well," Connie nodded along, gesturing up the stairs. "We also have this thing called snow days. My school district is pretty strict about it, so they don't come around often, but basically they're singular little summer vacations in the middle of winter. They're usually really nice because you don't see them coming, and it always feels like you get one right when you need a break most of all."

He blinked a few times, face grown puzzled. "But it's not winter."

"Right, right," she responded, trying not to laugh at his obvious observation as they approached the top of their rustic ladder.

" _You_ need a break, and since it's not winter..." she released her hold on his arm and bowed dramatically, showing off the display beyond the precipice with grandeur.

"I had Lapis help bring winter to you. What do you think?"

She peaked up through her eyelashes at him, still bent at the waist to measure his reaction. A small grin of pride quickly spread across her lips.

Steven's jaw went slack as he studied the cozy scene, eyes examining every surface with great detail as he meandering forward towards the private nook. Two or three huge, plush blankets were splayed out along the couch, set opposite to the T.V and some other new additions to the corner. Most noticeably was a microwave Steven recognized from Amethyst's room, one of many from her impressive collection. Stacked neatly on top of the metal rectangle was an assortment of snacks - popcorn, soda, marshmallows, water bottles, saltine crackers, and all the makings for peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

Connie moved to his side when he said nothing, shyly adding, "I couldn't find season five of _Under the Knife_ on such short notice, so we're stuck with just one through four." She tucked a loose strand of hair behind one of her ears and glanced over at him.

"And you don't have to eat and drink all the sugary stuff," she started to rub her hands together, nerves building as Steven continued to stare blankly at the scene. She wondered if he was being gripped by something again - a vision or nightmare that he couldn't resurface from.

"I, um… right, Pearl said that was probably a bad idea, but I wanted you to have the option. I know your stomach is probably sensitive, and after you tried to eat pizza the other day, I thought…"

Steven interrupted her explanation, turning on his heel and wrapping her in a tight hug. She froze like the piles of ice surrounding the barn, but his warmth thawed her a moment later. Gently, she raised her own arms and nuzzled into his shoulder, happy to be holding him properly after all this time.

"You _snuck out_ for this? Won't your parents, like, freak out?" Steven whispered after a sustained, comfortable silence. Connie pulled back and blushed hot pink.

"W-well, yeah. After fighting off alien overlords and sneaking through Homeworld districts, it feels like 'being grounded' doesn't bare the same weight, you know? I just wanted to have a night with just us - no Gem stuff. Come here," she grabbed his hand and led him to the couch, and Steven continued to study the scene with a building pressure in his chest. It was almost too nice, and like everything with Connie, so perfectly thought-out.

She squeezed his fingers to regain his attention, so Steven shifted slightly and faced her properly. Connie looked in her lap, suddenly very preoccupied with the texture of her striped t-shirt.

"Steven, listen. For us to have a Gem-free night, we need to break the first rule of Gem Club. We need to talk about Gem Club." Her face was dead serious, and Steven frowned at the strange inflection.

"Wait, is that a reference?"

"Nevermind," she said, twisting her fingers together in her lap. "Serious-Connie. I've been thinking… well, I've been thinking _a lot_ about what happened on Homeworld. To the Gems, to us, and you, and _me_ ," she paused and lifted her forearm between them, her pale pink hairs a pastel etching across her skin. Involuntarily, a lump rose in this throat, charged by hard guilt and worse images.

"And I thought about what you said the first night. When you woke up - how things aren't going to be the same anymore. That it's all not okay… and, you're right. My parents have been unbelievable everyday since we've been back, and I'm sure that's nothing compared to how the Gems and your dad have acted. They're weird around _me_ , and I'm not the one who was trapped on Homeworld for a month _._ " She gave him a weak smile, which he returned briefly.

"To be fair, you _did_ die."

Connie laughed wryly. "Spoken like a true fourteen year old!"

The joke wasn't well received, however, and Steven bit his lip. "That's… exactly it though. You're thirteen and I… I just feel like it's my fault. I shouldn't have let White Diamond do that to you."

Connie reached both her hands to his face and spread her fingers taut across his cheeks, stretching to his hairline and forcing him to look right at her. The touch made Steven's face turn warm.

"That. _That's_ why I wanted to talk tonight, Steven. White Diamond and Homeworld, H-Holly Blue Agate," she said through gritted teeth. His knee-jerk reaction was to flinch away, but her hold was firm. All he managed was to rub the side of one cheek further into her calloused hands, and it almost tickled.

"You did the best you could. The rest of us had weeks to prepare to go to Homeworld after you, and we had each other almost every step of the way. The only person who was ever really alone was _you_ , Steven. No one… no one acted perfectly. Garnet and Amethyst formed Sugilite and literally _destroyed_ the entire docking area. Sugilite almost killed me. Pearl just about shut down and gave up, like, four times. Lapis and Peridot almost fell-out over everything, and Lapis and Pearl actually fought. Like, _physically_ fought. Lion has been missing on and off since this all started. I'm not telling you all this to make you feel worse," she rubbed her thumb across his cheek, wiping away some budding moisture that threatened to spill over.

"It's because what matters is perspective, Steven. It's easy for the others to want to focus on the win's, because it makes us feel better, but we _all_ screwed up. It's not any one person's fault that things went wrong, and it's not any one person's 'win' that made it so we could be back on Earth together again. What matters is we all did what we thought was right at the time, even if it's wrong in the end."

When Steven looked like he was about to protest again, Connie leaned forward and kissed him fiercely, the palms of her hands softening to cup his face rather that force his attention forward. Steven completely froze, somewhere between stunned and dazed, and just when his brain kicked into gear again - _kiss her back, you idiot! -_ it was over.

"W-wow." Steven said, eyes practically glued open. He couldn't stop staring at her.

Red-faced, Connie released an airy little laugh and touched her forehead against his own.

"Even if it's only tonight. Even if it's only temporary. I'm just glad we can be together, for whatever time we have. Okay? So stop beating yourself up over this and let's have a nice night, together."

Steven blinked a few times, studying the intensity of her dark eyes with an entanglement of emotions he would never be able to decipher for. There was joy and love and happiness, woven together by fibers of confusion and trust and instinct and fear. The frames through which he studied her were tinted rose, colored unnaturally by some ephemeral thing he couldn't describe. Really, she was just too good to be true.

"Okay?" Connie repeated her question - really, it was more of a request - and leaned back. Steven's focus shifted from her face to the couch, and eventually turned to their private little cave above a snow-covered world.

"...Okay."

Her beaming smile would have been enough to convince him, but after the kiss he would have probably agreed to jump off a mountain if she asked (with or without floating powers).

Bounding to her feet, Connie stretched her arms over her head and turned away - partially so he couldn't still see the burning red still plastered across her face.

Steven stood up too, grabbing her hand as she turned to start their evening proper. About halfway towards the microwave, she was surprised when his fingers found her own and had no complaints when he hugged her a second time, this time with newfound warmth.

"C-Connie, by… by the way," he started to say, clearing his throat twice. Connie pulled back and looked confused, prepared to offer him a glass of water or something to ease his throat.

"I, um, there's just one… one more Gem thing. I meant what I said on Homeworld, and you don't have to say anything back or if you don't feel the same way, it's okay, but… I do love you. I really do."

She began hugging him again in earnest, if only to hide her shaking hands.

"I love you too, Steven. Now," she pulled back with a flushed grin across her cheeks, turning back to the T.V. and snacks.

"Let's get our UTK (Under the Knife) _on_."

For about two hours, the pair sat comfortably in near silence - if you don't count the staged yelling of surgeons and the wail of ambulances, of course. Face's burned blue by the glow of the T.V., Connie sat crossed-legged on one cushion while Steven pulled his knees up and hugged them, close beside her. Occasionally they shifted, but they were primarily bound to brushing arms and bumping elbows, followed by an embarrassed giggle, while the dramatic show played out.

Aside from a passing comment between episodes, neither of them spoke very much. When they did, no fears or worries or cares in the world we're given about Homeworld.

Around midnight, Steven's eyes began to grow heavy, so they agreed to split another bowl of popcorn and then call it a night. And though the half-human was exhausted, he felt like he could stay there forever, watching T.V. and eating snacks and enjoying the warmth of his best friend beside him.

Incidentially, any of lulls in the show did not bore Steven tonight. He was much more preoccupied replaying his favorite scene in his head, of pink skin and dark eyes leaning forward, kissing him silent, sweet and warm. She smelled like strawberries, and her lips were so soft he could absolutely forget about Homeworld in an instant if he tried to remember the sensation.

"Steven? Are you still awake?"

"Mmm…" he nodded lazily, eyes fully closed as his hand reached blindly for another handful of popcorn.

Connie laughed as he groped uselessly around him, so he peaked open his lids to see she had snatched the bowl away and held it above her head.

"Aw, c'mon, it's not my fault I'm exhausted. I haven't exactly had the most _restful_ time lately, you could say." He raised a brow and chewed on his bottom lip when Connie just stared blankly.

With a weak chuckle, he added, "Too soon?"

Connie lowered the bowl and smiled, picking up a fistful of popcorn. "No, I'm just glad you're… you just seem so _you_." Privately, she wondered if the Gems were crazy - this was Steven. She was certain of it.

Before he could counter or ask her to elaborate, Connie pelted the scoop of popcorn at him and he raised his arms defensively. "Hey!"

"My Mom said this thing once," Connie ignored his pouting at being popcorn-brutalized. "It was like, after some big police raid or something. Dad was having a hard time getting over losing someone that was a part of the company with him - it was before I moved here, so I can't say I remember a lot. And my Mom was like, doing the most ridiculous things she could. Dancing and singing, trying to juggle, anything."

Steven nodded. "That _really_ doesn't sound like your Mom."

"Tell me about it," she replied knowingly. "It was so, so weird. But it eventually made him start laughing. And once he was able to laugh again, things got better. She knew it would - doctor and all, she said it had something to do with the release of endorphins in his brain, which activates the… nevermind," she paused when she noticed Steven's eyes start to droop closed again. "Laughter is the second best medicine, to _real_ medicine. I think that's how she put it."

Steven couldn't help the joke that came to him. "Now _that_ sounds like your Mom."

After sharing a brief laugh, still sitting close together on the couch, Steven snatched some popcorn and hurled it at her.

"H-hey!" She stood up indignantly, but Steven simply giggled and grabbed more.

"I thought laughter was the moral of the story!" He said, ducking behind the arm of the couch for cover from returning fire.

"Wh- _no_! There wasn't a moral, I was just thinking out loud!"

"Well then," Steven snickered and ducked behind the back of the couch as popcorn rained across the cushions. "Then I have learned nothing!"

Sufficiently wasting the last of their snacks (or ammunition, depending on your perspective), Connie doubled-over in laughter standing besides the ledge as Steven hopped back over the couch. His movement jostled the floorboards below, however, and in a flash of pink, Connie was thrown off balance and teetered over the edge.

Automatically, Steven launched himself from the couch, meep morps be damned, and flung his arms out to catch her. With the ease of floating powers, he managed to moderate their velocity and their landing, while lacking grace, left them both unscathed.

"Oookay, not my smartest, oh… Steven? Are you okay?"

"Hmm?" Steven was sort of cradling Connie in his arms like one might a child, but he landed on his bottom so she sat across his lap. Glancing down, they both focused on the hem of his t-shirt, which glowed faintly pink underneath.

" _Oh,_ " he responded numbly, flinching at the discovery and all but tossing Connie away from him. He realized his transgression a moment later, but the girl crunched in the snow and brushed her pale pink hair with her fingers.

"Don't worry about it. We… we hadn't talked about Stevonnie. I figured you'd want to wait awhile before…"

"Yeah…" was all the response he could manage, more preoccupied with the sudden claustrophobic rush that seemed to grow from the walls themselves.

Pulling himself to standing, Steven patted the snow from his backside and adjusted his t-shirt, making sure his gemstone was sufficiently tucked beneath the cotton barrier and tried not to meet Connie's eyes.

"I'm…"

"It's okay." Connie interrupted and stood close beside him, but her voice sounded discernibly _not_ okay.

"I just… I don't think I'm… I'm not ready." Steven felt compelled to say it anyways, holding his scarred arm in front of him and resting his fingers against the false veins.

"Steven, I mean it. It's okay. We don't have to talk about it until you're ready."

With some slow, deliberate breaths, Steven managed to smile and nod in agreement, but he still hastily exited the barn to be at the mercy of open air once again.

Outside, Steven walked forward towards the smooth surface of the frozen lake for a second time. There was something about the sight that was mystifying and captivating, like he could sink his toes into the inky blackness and come out the otherside.

 _Just like the dream…_

Steven lowered himself to his hands and knees, edging forward to the surface. He placed a hand against it and pushed, imagined that same strange weightlessness that had carried him into the clouded rainbow of light he had dreamt about only hours ago, but he did not phase through.

Connie followed his motions until putting her hands against the black glass, instead using this chance to study their reflections together, studying up and down at the same time

Looking down, seeing up, the world was inverted. It was warm, but there was a chill along their legs as they knelt in the snow. For once in what felt like a long time, Steven wasn't _completely_ exhausted, and the bags beneath his eyes felt less permanent. He could spot a twinkle across the universe that didn't look like a threat, but a delicate arrangement of constellations that framed his face against the ice below. Shapes and symbols he didn't know glowed from a million years away, beheld by mysteries but alight with good intentions, Steven felt a strange bit of curiosity twist within his stomach. He wanted to know them all, their names and stories and myths and legends. He wanted to memorize their patterns, to ask questions and be given answers, to be guided and led and not be left to himself ever again.

Behind him, looking into the smooth reflection, the stars looked like the specks of Rose Quartz he had been guilty of shattering, or the chips of his own gemstone along pale floors of White Diamond's throne room, or the falling pebbles from a collapsing Kindergarten. They looked like bubbles, questions, flickers of comprehension lost in the black sea of reality.

And then there was the image beside him, kind and comforting and more beautiful than all the stars around them.

"Connie?" He whispered, turning towards her. She glanced over at him in the reflection, rather than lifting her head

"Yeah?"

Before the thoughts could find their form across his tongue, Steven's eyes focused on a flickering beneath them - or, more accurately, far above their heads. A combusting star, twinkling in and out of sight as the light traveled to Earth to meet them, he looked up to watch it sputter and shine.

"In space, on Blue Diamond's ship, there was a night that looked like this. It was... really pretty. It was after Opalite," he said, face turned to an automatic frown, but did not break his pace. "The floor turned to a big plane of glass, and it was like standing on top of... _everything_."

She didn't say anything, half-hoping he would continue, half-shocked that he was opening up about this. The look on his face made it clear it couldn't have been easy to talk about, but he felt compelled to speak on it now.

With a slow exhale, Steven looked up, at the true sky once again. "This was nice. Really, really, nice. Thank you, Connie."

"I feel a 'but' coming…" she said with a low voice. Steven smiled sadly, eyes beholden to the stars.

"Yep. I'm glad we got this chance to be alone, just the two of us. Cause in the morning I need to talk to Pearl and Garnet alone, too. Something's changed… and, I want you to know about it. _But_ ," he paused on the word, looking down at his knees. "I want you to know first that I'm sorry."

Quietly, Connie shifted her weight so her knees were no longer pressed into the hard snow, favoring instead a posture that reminded Steven of when they used to meditate together. She was examining her hands in her lap and said nothing, so he took that as an invitation to continue.

"I'm going back to Homeworld."

The girl tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, wordless. Steven watched her reflection in the icy lake, noticing the way her dark eyes looked down, narrowed and hurt.

"I had another dream about her. White Diamond. It wasn't…" he hesitated, watching her expression change to one of fear, but pressed on. "It wasn't exactly _about_ her as it was like, being in her head, or her being in my head again. I can't even tell anymore. It was really, really bad, Connie. I don't know how she does it, or why she's doing this… although, I have a theory it's just to punish me."

Her face flickered with alarm when Steven laughed, though it was a mirthless chuckle at best. "I've thought about this a lot, if you can't tell. That's all I did while you guys went on that mission - that's all I've done since I've been back, _period_. Just thinking. Thinking. Thinking. And I keep coming up with the same answer, no matter how much I try to figure out some other way around it. She's said she'll come after the Earth if I don't go back soon, and that's putting a lot of lives _besides my own_ in danger. That'd mean Dad, and the Gems, and you - and I know you all will say that's the wrong thing to do, or it'll be like Dani keeps telling me, like I'm trying to do some weird sort of heroism. And okay, maybe _I am_." Steven was surprised when his voice began to rise, but the words were now coming unfiltered, spilling out with hot tears to match.

"I just… I just wanted to save everyone. I didn't _want_ anyone to get hurt, and at the end of the day, it was my life or everyone else. It would be selfish of me _not_ to do that, even if it's unfair. It's like what Blue Diamond said to me that day…" his voice trailed off, and for a moment, he was back in that grand blue room. Vast and empty, he sat there in the middle with Blue Pearl, Heliodor, and Blue Diamond. One had become friend, another a foe, and the other was dead. The thought made him shudder.

"She said someone has to pay for what the Crystal Gems did. And now to make it all worse, White Diamond wants me to stay and use my healing powers and so much other stuff I don't understand. She wants Pink Diamond's shards, and for me to go back to Homeworld. That's the deal, Connie, and if I fail… she'll target you, and the Earth, and everybody else, and then she'll _still_ get what she wants. So what's the point of fighting her?"

The next words to be spoken were frightening, but not because they were harsh, or sad, or angry, or afraid. These words caused both of them to jump, because the speaker stood behind them.

"But Steven, that's why you _have_ to fight her."

It was Lapis.


	13. blue song (of the Earth)

_The great blue_

 _song of the earth_

 _is sung in all_

 _the best venues—_

 _treetop, marsh,_

 _desert, shore—_

 _and on this spring_

 _day in the wetlands_

 _where, under_

 _a late sun,_

 _we stand alone._

Sidney Wade, "Blue"

* * *

Suspended by a thick branch, Blue Pearl leaned against the base of a large tree, enjoying the canopy above and the open air below. It was a simple night in the countryside, cool and breezy; she decided this place was preferable to Steven's home along the beach at night, if only because the trees were a nice reprieve from the crashing waves.

Upon arrival, Blue thought the ocean was a hypnotic place, somewhere to get lost in. A place where the present became shapeless and her memories took primacy. The sea was something to challenge the vastness of the sky above, a constant reminder of what she had left behind - twinkling or cloudy, the atmosphere of Earth lacked the crispness of her first and only home. The tides, however, waged a nebulous war for dominance of the land, a constant struggle rather than a gentle reprieve, and after a few days it made her feel more lost _and_ less lost at the same time.

Now _that_ was a puzzle, she mused, reminded too much of the fact she was bound to this planet now.

Below her dangling legs, she observed White and the fusion deep in discussion. A few phrases passed with the wind that shifted her bangs, and she deduced the topic of conversation could only be about the child and the Lapis Lazuli.

The human girl - the one that had almost died at her feet in the company of Blue Diamond, Holly Blue Agate, and Heliodor back on Homeworld - had just returned to them shortly after the child and winged-gem left. From afar, no words could be made out, but the pair did not linger long before taking flight into the night sky together.

Blue decided not to point out that they went to the East, likely back to the coast or out to sea, or that it was Steven who pointed to the sky above, not Lapis, or that the fusion was clearly hiding some knowledge. She had future vision, she must have known the spontaneous flight was a possibility; why not share it sooner?

"Connie, what happened? Are you okay? Is Steven okay? Where did Lapis take - " White began, rubbing her forehead anxiously. Blue had seen her distraught before, but this was another level of panic.

The pink girl made a face - somewhere between a frown and annoyed, Blue guessed.

"I don't know how much Lapis heard. We were talking about… Homeworld, and then she was just there. I thought you were all going to wait until it was over?"

"We were," Garnet replied, arms crossed. "Lapis acted spontaneously. She flew over to check on the both of you about twenty minutes ago and landed on the top of the barn. That was fine, but something made her change her mind suddenly, and…"

Beside the blue gem on the branch sat a small Amethyst, surprisingly quiet for her kind. She was listening intently, Blue could tell - her posture was rigid, hanging on every word spoken below. The cues were subtle, but subtly was Blue's specialty. That's what White used to tell her, anyways.

 _ **Circa 6,000 years ago**_

For one time too many, Blue found herself at a crossroads she never asked for. Where _exactly_ did compliant ignorance end and seditious secrets begin? It was becoming harder and harder to tell.

Blue Diamond, with Blue always at her side, had taken the Galaxy Warp back to Homeworld with haste, moving directly to the Diamond's Military District. At the throne, Blue Diamond requested a number of brigades be brought to her and redistributed to help deal with the threat on White Diamond's life - some sort of detonation went off outside the palanquin, if you believed the rumors.

"Pearl," called a refined voice from high above her head. "Bring in the next unit."

With a elegant bow, Blue responded. "At once, my Diamond."

An hour of this had passed - Blue Pearl moving to the chamber doors, ushering in the next group from the atrium to stand before the throne, to receive a new directive from Blue Diamond herself.

This time was no different, gliding in her movements to the large exterior chamber, a tall room with towering baby blue ceilings. Along the walls were countless panels, all flashing pink and white, a disharmonious symphony of color and catalogue of alarms.

Blue held her head high, grabbed the fine ends of her tulle skirt and curtsied.

"The lustrous Blue Diamond wishes to see you, at once."

Like a bumbling mess, six Rubies shot to standing. One in particular went around the bend, so preoccupied with acting with propriety that they did not bend their knees when standing, going sprawling face first against the floor.

After a graceless recovery, the small unit marched forward to receive their orders. Blue followed in behind them, and was already ready to seal the door when a command was called over her shoulder.

"Pearl, the door."

"At once, my Diamond," she responded quietly. Within a few seconds, she moved like liquid, easily perched again at her Diamond's side.

"My Rubies," Blue Diamond lowered her hood to look upon them properly, eyes sympathetic.

"I understand you usually receive orders direct from your Agate, but I could not wait for her to return my summons. There is news from the Crystal System. An attack has been staged against White Diamond, only moments after her second voyage to Pink's colony."

The tension in the room mounted with each syllable, threatening to crash down along the floor in a maelstrom of anger and sorrow.

"I need you to return to the sides of those Sapphires that you escorted on the Zyiona System, and head to Earth at once."

Wordlessly, the little red gems nodded their heads furiously, none of them making direct eye contact. Had Blue been paying better attention, she might have noticed that several of them were in fact staring at her, but her mind was elsewhere - in the back of the room, to be exact.

A light chime had gone off, so soft one might have mistaken it for the echo of her Diamond's voice, but Blue knew the sound well.

 _The Diamond Communication Channel..._

With a sideways glance to her Diamond (which really involved more cocking her head upwards than sideways glancing), Blue noted the tiny nod that her Diamond issued without breaking her stare of the red gems before her.

Blue turned on her heel and set out towards her Diamond's private retreat, a smaller side-room that sometimes operated as her Diamond's thinking chamber. Blue knew her Diamond loved to sing, and this was one of her favorite places to look out over Homeworld, a spectacular view of the ship hangar, and muse melodies only for them to share.

Sometimes, Blue would hum along, if her Diamond requested it, and she loved when her Diamond asked her that.

To the right, along the length of the wall was a panel perfectly raised to her height. She moved her fingers across the screen easily and the quaint ringing stopped immediately. The screen began to glow and change, expand to the size of her torso, four corners ignited by four colors of power.

White, Blue, Yellow, Pink - first, they all _pinged_ to life, only to fade away simultaneously. Then, the yellow channel began to flash before overtaking the whole screen.

Blue pursed her lips. "Hello, Yellow."

"Blue, my… my Diamond is _very_ upset! You must put the respected Blue Diamond on the line, immediately."

"I… cannot. You know that."

Quietly, Yellow leaned into the screen, frowning. "Please, Blue, I haven't seen her so irate in decades. Not since Pink Diamond was given the colony. Please?"

Blue lowered her head, bangs mercifully shielding her eyes from Yellow's judgment.

"I _can't_ , Yellow. They were direct orders."

"... I figured." Yellow's voice was still low. "Did you hear from White, or Pink yet?"

Blue shook her head, wearing a frown to match her counterpart. "No. Our original report is all we heard."

Yellow clicked her tongue, clearly annoyed. "As have we… and, uh, _oh._ "

With a somber nod, Blue focused as Yellow readjusted her shoulder tulle and stood up straight. Voice serious, she spoke directly into the microphone.

"The Luminous Yellow Diamond."

Blue balked, retracting back as the face of the so-named Diamond filled the screen, eyes alive with anger that was both striking and frightening.

The Diamond narrowed her eyes, studying the other side of the screen with a look that could only be described as contempt. Immediately, Blue bowed, her hands shaking.

"If Blue will not answer a direct call, then give her this message, Pearl. Tell her, Yellow Diamond protests the involvement of outside force on what is suspected to be a _single_ rouge Quartz. One defective Gem does not justify intergalactic military involvement, and can be eliminated forthwith by Pink Diamond's own force."

Her tone was curt, and did not leave room for objections - not that Pearl was in much of a position for that kind of statement anyways.

"O-of course, your Luminosity. Should I…?"

"I wasn't finished." Yellow Diamond did not bother looking at the screen anymore, her eyes flashing.

"Tell her… 'if Pink can't handle one defective gem, then perhaps _she was not ready for a colony after all_.'"

Blue blanched at the statement, legs trembling beneath her. She could not find her voice, cast aside somewhere with her confidence, so she swallowed on the lump in her throat and nodded. Yellow Pearl made a face at her from the corner of the screen that _might_ have been sympathy; it just as easily could have been pity, but Blue preferred to think it was the former.

The line went dead after that, and Blue stood frozen in the heavy emptiness of her Diamond's private chamber, mind swollen with worries.

Blue Diamond cared for Pink Diamond deeply, and saw her as a sort of protege. How was she possibly supposed to deliver such a message?

It was no secret amongst them - Diamond or Pearl - that Yellow Diamond disapproved of Pink Diamond's insistence to have her own colony, young as she was, but White and Blue Diamond had overruled her. Of course Blue Diamond would encourage military intervention, her orders coming from a place of concern and benevolence. Blue had every confidence that the wisdom of her Diamond was paramount, and to send aid to the Earth colony was wise. Even if it was one rebel Quartz, Yellow Diamond should not punish Pink or endanger White simply out of spite.

Closing her eyes, Blue rubbed the corners of her forehead, trying to regain her composure. She just needed another moment. Another moment, and she could address her Diamond with such biting words.

 _Shiing. Shiiiiing._

Blue's eyes fluttered open behind her bangs, and she had to blink several times to ensure she had not imagined it.

The Diamond Communication Channel had begun to ring, but this time, the white corner began to flash.

 _White?_

Timidly, Blue answered the call by pressing two fingers to the corner and watched her companion's face fill the screen.

"White?" Blue stated, less of a question and more of an exclamation, indicative of her surprise.

"Oh, Blue. Good. I tried to call a moment ago, but the channel was busy. I assume that was you?"

"Umm… yes. Yellow Diamond and my Diamond seem to have reached an impasse. But, they both be relieved to hear that White Diamond is unharmed."

The gem on the other side of the screen looked distracted, eyes darting around the screen, hardly ever landing on Blue's own.

"W-what? My Diamond? Er, that's… that's not why I called, Blue."

Blue felt like someone had stabbed her, all of the color draining from her already pale complexion. "...W-wait, you don't… White Diamond _is_ …?"

"No, that's... that's not what I meant. Blue, what have you heard?"

Blue bit her tongue and looked down, trying to memorize the pattern across the floor.

Very quietly, the afterthoughts of a whisper escaped her barely parted lips.

" _You didn't."_

But the look on White's face immediately told her that her fears had been confirmed.

"Good, you _did_ get my message. Did you… did you _tell_ Blue Diamond?"

Without speaking, Blue barely looked up. Her lips were pressed together so tightly that her face appeared divided, conflicted between loyalties.

She shook her head from side to side, and White breathed a sigh of relief.

"Good. I knew I could rely on you, Blue. Subtly always was your speciality. Thank you."

Blue's posture went rigid at that, a sudden anger flashing through her mind that she hadn't known in a very long time.

White had sent a private note to Blue's screen, perhaps three hours ago, and she had hoped it was some sort of rebel trick. Her own secure channel being corrupted was more acceptable than the alternative.

 _Almost time. Move success. PP/WP safe. RQ will come soon._

"You're _thanking_ me? Do you know what you've _done_? Do you know how much danger you put me in? Put all of us in?" She splayed out her arms uselessly. There was no one else here, but in her hold she imagined protectively holding Yellow and Pink, pulling them away from White's atrocities.

From the other side of the screen, White flinched at the venom in her counterpart's tone. " _Me?_ I did this for _you!_ For Yellow, and Pink. For all of us! We can be _free_ , Blue. I'll come back for you, I promise. But for now, I wanted you to know I was safe. Pink's safe, too. We'll all be together when it's over."

"... _Why?"_ Blue all but spat the words, teeth clenched. "Why would you think I would _want_ something like that? You don't listen, White. _You never have_. Yellow and I don't want this. _Pink_ doesn't want it. You orchestrated White Diamond's attendance to the Earth colony, so the _rebels_ could strike at the 'right time?' You're lucky she isn't hurt - you _might_ not be shattered for this."

White seemed no longer ready to be forgiving, because her nostrils were flaring and her own jaw was set. "Are you _serious_ , Blue? You can't say you like living like this! I know you don't - I'm just like you!"

"You are _nothing_ like me."

That had struck a chord, some sort of identity-driven wedge lodged between them. White's image may be only inches in front of her, but Blue had never felt further away. The galaxies between felt fitting.

"I'm glad Pink is safe. Goodbye."

Blue hung up the channel, fuming, hands shaking for a second time after ending a call. This time, her tremors rose from fury rather than fear, but the sensation was the same. She was frozen by emotions unbecoming and unfamiliar to her, and Blue remembered why she felt so incomplete when not at her Diamond's side. Her Diamond bolstered everything about her - security, confidence, poise, elegance. Blue felt more of herself when they were together, and she couldn't imagine how White could ever even think to… _she almost killed her Diamond._

There was a twisting in her stomach, however, and it stayed for thousands of years. Everytime she thought of White, of their conversation, of the Crystal Gems and the Earth and _everything that went wrong_ , Blue felt her abdomen contort.

The truth would have been easy. _So_ easy. Just open your lips, and tell Blue Diamond what White had done… but she never did share that call with her, or anyone. Not even Yellow knew.

Maybe things would have been different. Maybe the war would never have happened.

That couldn't be true, right?

She couldn't be responsible for everything.

Right?

 _ **Present**_

"Lapis and Steven… they've done this before," interjected the limbless Peridot, clearly unhappy with the turn of events. "They did it when Lapis first moved to the barn. My guess is they wanted to be alone."

The pink human turned away, hands in her pockets. "Yeah, probably."

White seemed dubious. "But where did they go? Why did they need to _go_ at all? They could have just asked to be left alone."

At this, the Peridot laughed tersely. "That's not exactly Lapis' thing."

"Why?" A new voice entered the forum, somehow posturing severity and curiosity at the same time. Danburite's inherent inquisitiveness had pushed her to pry, by the sound of it.

The group paused, looking at the white gem with what could only be exasperation, and ultimately Peridot addressed the query. "Lapis is hard to understand, and even harder to explain. She… doesn't like the Crystal Gems, and she knew we would be watching from this patch of trees. I'm guessing she didn't want anyone to try to stop her from talking to him."

Blue felt the branch creak as the Amethyst adjusted her weight, leering downwards at the group. Something about that statement must not have settled well.

"Listen, you guys…" The human started to say, absently rubbing her bottom lip with a finger. Nerves, maybe?

"Steven didn't just… he didn't just talk about Homeworld. He didn't use his powers, so I still don't _know_ for sure. But he said some… there was, I guess, something he needs to talk to you about. Particularly Garnet and Pearl. I don't know if I can tell you, he really wanted… to himself, but…"

Several glances went over the girls head as she studied her shoes, all of the grounded gems exchanging worried looks.

A tightness began to build in Blue's chest, thinking about the conversation she had with Steven and Danburite on the second night. Had Steven told the girl about White Diamond, visiting him again in his dreams? Did she know about the demands for Pink Diamond's shards?

Danburite, she knew, would not share Steven's secret with them. The girl's will seemed brittle, disturbed by something intangible Blue could not identify, and she might speak if asked.

Another crossroad, another secret that she could not share, and the track of fate that guided them both towards and astray, a complicated trajectory of tested wills.

At that moment, Blue was aware of eyes on her. She could feel them, even if no one could see them: the fusion was staring at her.

 _She knows that I know._

"...Um, hey."

Blue winced at the unexpected voice beside her, the purple gem suspended in air whispering above the chattering of the others below.

Quietly, Amethyst looked away and breathed a few more words. "I have a um, how can I… Can I talk to you, alone?"

Too surprised for her own good, Blue's lips parted slightly as she considered. It would be an opportunity to excuse herself from the sight of the fusion, and the conversation below really had little consequence to her.

Lest she revert back to more memories she would sooner forget, Blue decidedly nodded once.

"Yes. Okay."

* * *

Steven enjoyed the full breaths of air that the skies above and sea below welcomed to his tired lungs. He had begun to doze off with Connie, but with the wind drying his eyes and ruffling his hair, Steven felt plenty awake again.

Lapis hadn't said much since they took off, which was less that reassuring given the overall tension that had befallen them when she interrupted Steven and Connie's conversation. It was clear that she had heard enough, and there was anger and concern carved into the hard lines of her face.

Still, astride her back with the warm winds guiding their flight, Steven felt his dilapidated nerves fade slightly. They weren't gone and weren't mended, but he could forget them for now more easily.

The air of Earth, open like this, tapped into something primordial and deeply human that he couldn't identify exactly, but it was _in_ everything. The black sky and illuminate stars passing overhead, obstructed by clouds that created mystifying shadows across the world; the warm air, offset by the shift in temperature and humidity as they moved further out to sea; the sound of everything, quiet but rearing with latent energy in the form of a wave or a gust or a calling gull that passed them by. Here, in the passing universe, Steven was content.

"I think this is far enough," the blue gem said quietly. Steven felt her shift him slightly along her back, but only to better secure him as she started to descend.

This place was unfamiliar, sufficiently nondescript. It just looked like Earth here - there were large trees, rising from the ground like the defensive walls of a glass castle. Within the trees, Lapis straightened so their free-fall was vertical for the remainder of their descent, landing in the middle of small meadow in a forest.

It could have been a few miles from the barn or halfway across the world, the trees green and the wild flowers simple and beautiful. It could have been anywhere, and therefore, it was everywhere. This was Earth, after all.

Lapis knelt down and Steven slid down, landing easily on his feet. The softness of the grass below just added to the picturesque scene, but the moment was fleeting. Once Lapis turned to face him, the expression there told him much more than he could have gathered from words. It would have been easy if she yelled at him, or was crying, or disappointed, but she was smiling, and that hurt.

As soft as the breeze, Lapis plodded down into the grass and laid in the flowers, arms spread above her head.

"Want to sit?" It request, not a command. Steven could just as easily stand, or run away, and Lapis probably would not have stopped him.

Quietly, he laid beside her and folded his hands over his solar plexus, looking at the night sky. It was serene here, but the clouds had begun to overtake the stars, and no longer could the constellations be studied to infinity.

With time, the water gem closed her eyes. Without a trace of judgment, she asked a question.

"So, you're going back?"

"It's… yes."

"And you need Pink Diamond's shards? That's what you said."

"...um," he said, biting his lip. Steven had really intended for Garnet and Pearl to be the first, if not the only, ones to hear this.

"It's fine. You don't have to say anything else." She opened her eyes and raised an arm above her head, tracing the lines of her hands against the skyscape. Steven watched out of the corner of his eye, not sure what to say.

"Don't you think I get it, Steven? If anyone would, don't you think _I_ would?" Lapis leaned up on her elbows now, shifting to look at him properly. He looked away, eyes low. There was a twisting in his stomach as the words took root, growing and sprouting meaning in the silence.

"Fusion shouldn't be like that. I still hear Malachite in my head, all the time." Lapis noted that he cringed, but the statement had gotten his proper attention. Steven sat up and crossed his legs, rubbing his palms against his jeans anxiously.

"I… well, um… _you're_ you, Lapis. You aren't like them, not like…"

"Not like Holly Blue Agate?" She ran a frustrated hand through her wavy hair, brushing some fringe away from her eyes. "Steven, that's why I wanted to talk to you. I know you and Connie had a nice little night, and you've had some time with everyone and they're all trying not to talk about it. But here's the reality: you were forced into a fusion with someone you didn't know, didn't like, and probably worst of all… had no respect for who and what you are.

"I did it to Jasper, and she did it to you. I am _just_ like her, Steven. I was so disgusted with myself when I heard what they did to you. At first," she paused to chuckle a humorless laugh. "I couldn't stop thinking how _evil_ they were, but then I remembered _that was me_. I was just as cruel to Jasper, and in some ways, I was probably worse. Thinking about it, when I realized that... I felt… I can't even explain it. I hated it. I still do."

She had turned her attention to the grass, digging her fists into the earth and pulling up patches of foliage. The destruction felt good in her hands, so she kept talking.

"But you know what? That's who I was. I'm not that person anymore, but I can't undo what I did, just like you can't undo what happened on Homeworld."

Steven's mouth hung open slightly, thinking he should say something once Lapis fell silent, but he truly did not have any words that could justify his feelings.

To his surprise, when she resumed speaking, her voice had softened considerably. She had gathered a clump of dirt in her hands and watched the leaves catch and be swept away by the night. "I'm not great at making people feel better. That's what you do, and Peridot, too. I might be making everything worse, but I wish someone had told me how things were after Malachite. Told me how wrong I was; maybe I would've been kinder to Peridot when she deserved it, or maybe I would have been there to help you when Jasper attacked you on the beach… The point is, it took me looking hard at what I had become, and what I wanted to be, and seeing how different those things were that I started to finally change. I wish you being taken away from us wasn't the push I needed, but it worked. I'm trying to give that to you now, do you understand?" She turned and crossed her legs too, placing a hand against each of his shoulder.

A little stunned, all he could do is nod while she gave him a tiny, tired smile.

"I should never have fused with Jasper, but I did it to save you. I thought I was doing the right thing, and now… there's been a lot that I blame myself for. I feel like you're going to make the same mistake, Steven, and I want you to know I can't stand by and let you do it without saying my piece. You're trying to go back to save us, just like I did, but it would be the wrong choice."

She drew her arms back and folded her hands in her lap, and Steven could tell she was nearing something. Something different, certainly, because there was a change… it was hard to say what it was exactly... maybe the lines around her eyes or the paleness of her taut knuckles, but the change was there.

"This, Steven, is something I wish I didn't have to say. But I saw you in that Kindergarten - I _saw_ what you did. I know why, and what you were thinking. The second time you fused was different, and you know it. And I see it again now. Don't try to save us just because you don't see another option."

Naturally, he had started to lean back, feeling as if he had been slapped again. This time, the sting came from the words that threatened to break his mask, and the hurt seeped more like a wound.

"I know what you'll say - it's what I would have said, after all. You feel like you tried, and tried, and tried. But, did you? Did you try _everything_? It didn't look like it. We… We had the chance to escape! To leave Homeworld. You, Pearl and I. You took that opportunity in your hands, looked at it, and then set it back down again. It's happening again, Steven, and if you don't listen to me now then I don't... "

She paused, squeezing her bottom lip in between her thumb and forefinger. He had seen Pearl do that several times, a habit she developed that spoke only of worn nerves.

A little desperately, Lapis went on. "I shouldn't be telling you this. I probably shouldn't have said any of this, but you deserve to know. You do. We've been lying to you, Steven."

His brow furrowed, perplexed. That was a strange thing to say - so strange, he wasn't sure if he heard correctly. Lied about what?

"...Wait, what? What do you mean?"

Lapis spread her hand across her eyes, covering part of her forehead - she looked the definition of stress.

"I… okay. This is going to sound crazy. But there's something I need to tell you, and I don't know how else to explain. How much do you know about Gem illusions?"


	14. He Wasn't Him At All

_He Wasn't Him At All_

Steven thought he understood perfectly; Lapis thought she explained thoroughly.

Truth be told, they were both wrong.

In their joint defenses, she wasn't really forming coherent sentences; she had clearly been wound too tight, and her wires simply snapped. Steven, on the other hand, sleep-deprived and breathless from the length of the night, saw things one degree too far.

Had anyone been listening it, the conversation might have even been tragic.

" _Steven, listen to me. Carefully. I don't know why, or how, but you've been...um, affected. That's what's we've been… you're not yourself. White Diamond did something, and you can't tell, but she's made you… something that you're not."_

" _I'm not saying it's fair. And it's okay if you have a lot of questions. Ugh, I'm bad at this. I sort of wish Pree could tell you this, she's sort of… better at logical things. But Peridot and I talked about it a lot, so I feel like I can explain it. You know the dreams you've been having? And you've been hearing and seeing White Diamond? Well, it's not possible, Steven. It's something she's done to you. We… they think, The Crystal Gems think, you might be… well, a different version of you. A copy, maybe? Something with all of your memories, like an illusion, made to be just like you. We think you-you might be on Homeworld, still. And that this-you, is… something White Diamond has created."_

" _Steven, say something. You're scaring me. I just feel like Pearl and Garnet were…"_

" _Lapis, listen. Just…. stop. You don't have to explain anything. I get it... I think I always have."_

" _Y-you… You're not saying…"_

" _Y-yeah. You were right, not to trust me. And you don't have to apologize. I understand, Lapis. I, well, I guess I lied to you all too, didn't I?"_

" _...This changes everything, you know that, right?"_

" _Steven…"_

" _Stop. Don't say anything else. You shouldn't tell me anything else."_

" _It wasn't… I'm sorry. I didn't want any of this. You understand that?"_

" _Yeah. I… understand. You can go back to the others, if you want. I think I might stay here for awhile."_

" _I'm not really surprised if you guys are a little… weirded out by this. I mean, who wouldn't be? I'm dangerous. She, White Diamond… it's all an information game to her. And I can tell you're disappointed in me. I mean, I think everyone is… I am. I shouldn't have stuck around after I knew. Thanks, Lapis. You did the right thing."_

" _I'm sorry. You understand why I can't stay on Earth now?"_

" _I… I guess I do."_

" _I wish things didn't have to be like this."_

" _Me neither."_

" _Is this goodbye?"_

" _I… I guess it is."_

 **Lapis**

She had tried to start from the beginning, so maybe it wouldn't hurt so much for him to come to terms with the idea. How else can you explain _hey, by the way, we don't trust you and think you're a illusion from Homeworld sent to manipulate us?_

"Steven, listen to me. Carefully. I don't know why, or how, but you've been...um, _affected_. That's what's we've been… you're not yourself. White Diamond did something, and you can't tell, but she's made you… something that you're not."

He remained quiet, simply looking at her with something between anxiety and confusion spelled across his brow. She took that as an invitation to continue.

"I'm not saying it's fair. And it's okay if you have a lot of questions. Ugh, I'm bad at this. I sort of wish Pree could tell you this, she's sort of… better at logical things. But Peridot and I talked about it a lot, so I feel like I can explain it. You know the dreams you've been having? And you've been hearing and seeing White Diamond? Well, it's not possible, Steven. It's something she's done _to you_. We… they think, The Crystal Gems think, you might be… well, a different version of you. A copy, maybe? Something with all of your memories, like an illusion, made to be just like you. We think you-you might be on Homeworld, still. And that this-you, is… something White Diamond has created."

Steven pursed his lips and stared at the sky for a long, silent three minutes. It was by far the slowest, most tense one-hundred eighty seconds of Lapis' long, long life.

At about the one-hundred and seventy-ninth second, Lapis decided she simply couldn't stand it anymore.

"Steven, say something. You're scaring me. I just feel like Pearl and Garnet were…"

"Lapis, listen. Just…. stop. You don't have to explain anything. I get it... I think I always have."

The gem's mouth opened slightly, but she otherwise froze so entirely one might have thought she was carved from stone.

 _No._

"Y-you…"

 _It can't be._

"You're not saying… "

He sat forward and played with some grass between his fingers."Y-yeah. You were right, not to trust me. And you don't have to apologize. I understand, Lapis. I, well, I guess I lied to you all too, didn't I?"

Steven hesitated for a moment, but with a slow exhale he added a thought with uncharacteristic finality.

"...This changes everything, you know that, right?"

Lapis thought she could hear the ocean from here, replacing the serene sounds of nature, a crashing a pulling sensation causing her eyes to grow moist.

" _Steven…_ "

"Stop _."_ Steven raised a hand between them. "Don't say anything else. _You_ shouldn't tell _me_ anything else."

She felt the tears start to spill over, the meaning behind his words sinking in. He wasn't him at all.

He wasn't Steven at all.

After a stunned pause, Lapis lowered her head and glowered at the dirt, raising a hand to angrily brush the hair out of her face.

"It wasn't… I'm sorry. I didn't want any of this. You understand that?" She stood abruptly and took a step away, towards the trees at the nearest edge of the meadow. She was walking backwards though, never taking her eyes from him.

With an inhale, the thing that resembled her most trusted friend replied stiffly. "Yeah. I… understand. You can go back to the others, if you want. I think I might stay here for awhile."

Despite the tumultuous emotions inside of her, the idea of leaving Steven behind - _no, it's not Steven_ \- leaving _that_ behind… still felt wrong. The others would be furious. Weren't they supposed to pretend everything was normal? She really messed up.

Steven seemed to sense her hesitation, so he sighed and stood up, gazing skyward. "I'm not really surprised if you guys are a little… weirded out by this. I mean, who wouldn't be? I'm dangerous. She, White Diamond… it's all an information game to her. And I can tell you're disappointed in me. I mean, I think everyone is… _I_ am. I shouldn't have stuck around after I knew. Thanks, Lapis. You did the right thing."

His attention fluttered back to her, sadness lining the tired bags beneath his eyes.

"I'm sorry. You understand why I can't stay on Earth now?"

She returned his stare across their small stretch of meadow, feeling a universe apart. "I… I guess I do."

The flight back was a long, lonely one.

Maybe she shouldn't have done that.

 _But it's better that we know the truth. It's definitely, definitely better._

So he wasn't real. Pearl was right. He was still out there, in space, after all they did.

She couldn't decide if the relief was justified or not - at least she had answers.

"I'm sorry, Steven." She whispered, flying higher into the stratosphere and looking towards the final stars as they disappeared into the morning sky. She enjoyed the chill across her cold cobalt skin, wondering if _he_ was cold, out there in space. Homeworld had never hosted organic life for very long that Lapis could remember from before the war; they hadn't seemed to change much since, either.

Not like Earth - this place seemed to change everyday.

 **Steven**

Lapis rambled for a little while, but Steven was having a difficult time paying attention.

He was sincerely trying to focus on what Lapis was saying in the present, but it was hard. He found himself repeatedly slipping into the past, voices lingering in his ears that were neither welcome nor his own.

 _We've been lying to you, Steven_.

 _For them to value you so much, I would have at least expected them to be honest with you._

"Steven, listen to me. I don't know why, or how, but you've been...um, _affected_. That's what's we've been… you're not yourself. White Diamond… but she's made you… something that you're not."

He began to chew on his bottom lip, watching his beach summer fun buddy reel with emotion, the conflict washing over her like an angry tide befitting her name.

"...But Peridot and I talked about it a lot, so I feel like I can explain it. You know the dreams you've been having? And you've been hearing and seeing White Diamond? Well, it's not possible, Steven. It's something she's done _to you.._."

"A copy, maybe? Something with all of your memories, like an illusion, made to be just like you. We think you-you might be on Homeworld, still. And that this-you, is… something White Diamond has created."

Blinking slowly, Steven lingered behind his closed lids for a beat too long, seeing something there that was white and frightening, a ghost of another race, a ruler of another world.

If there's one thing White Diamond had taught him, it was that knowledge predicates a lesson.

Information comes at a price.

Understanding is accompanied by pain.

This, though? _This_ was worse than torture.

An illusion of himself? If only.

No wonder everyone had been treating him strangely. Amethyst's attitude at breakfast yesterday, Garnet ignoring him when she went to go on the mission… They realized White Diamond had a direct channel, better than pay-per-view, from Earth to Homeworld. It was all right there, tucked into the folds of his brain.

Despite the strangeness of the revelation, he was, admittedly, a tad miffed at the whole thing. He hadn't wanted to come home in the first place, he had been the one to try to warn them the first day. If they had listened to him the first time, no one would have been trodden down by lies and mistrust.

With a low sigh, Steven took a moment to push down the dull pain behind his eyes again. He looked to his left, studying Lapis' quiet form. Her own eyes were closed, but her brow was drawn tightly together. It was an expression reminiscent of regret, but not quite.

Everything felt like it was moving in slow motion, like a bad action movie, maybe, but with all of the tragedy and none of the sweet, canned resolution.

Maybe it was the night air, fresh and livening; maybe it was the chance to be fully alone with his thoughts, in spite of his living company; maybe it was the fact he had just been forced to confront everything he had grown to hate about himself. Whatever it was, this night offered some sort of strange clarity, like he could _almost_ peek behind the veil, black and enigmatic as the truth was.

White Diamond tried to manipulate him, and for the first time, he felt like he could see it.

He didn't try hard enough. Homeworld hadn't the upper hand by default, he just folded and hid and acted like it was beyond his control. The fear of losing outweighed the chance of escaping, of winning, of changing thing. And now this was the fate he was left with, growing ever shorter like the leash around his neck.

The Gems didn't trust him. They _shouldn't_ trust him - he told them that from the start. But he wanted to; they wanted to, and most importantly, White Diamond knew that they wouldn't be able to help themselves.

She had _counted_ on it.

If they all let their guard down, he could be the perfect informant. The possibility of war, the secrets and strategies of the rebels, direct from the source. And if they didn't tell him anything, White Diamond was rather going to wait for him to deliver Pink Diamond's shards, or come here herself, just a few degrees less prepared than she might have been.

 _You are the key, Steven._

White Diamond had been the one to tell him that - again, and again. Running from reality wasn't going to change things, Steven realized that now. Action. Change. He had to _do_ something.

Steven felt like he could see, really _see_ for what felt like the first time, and that meant he could act with intention… but that also meant he had to go forward without fear.

"Steven, say something. You're scaring me."

 _Without fear._

He started to take in a breath, slow and steady, working up his nerve. but before he could form the words, Lapis began again.

"I just feel like Pearl and Garnet were…"

She was going to tell him something else about the Gems. Anything else, really, could be dangerous.

If White Diamond wanted him to sit back and listen, or to crumble and fall apart, or to panic and tell the Gems he wasn't an illusion, or to play dumb and go back to the Temple, or… to do virtually anything else that could be predictable or useful to White Diamond… well then, he was going to do the opposite.

 _While you are on Earth, you have another chance - maybe, with the proper state of mind, they will forfeit or forget._

Oddly, That tiny pink whale reappeared in his mind's eye, reminding him of the strange dream filled with a hundred Rose Quartzes and a thousand more questions hours and hours ago.

 _Has life only ever given you two choices?_

"Lapis, listen." He had to go about this carefully… enough to get them to stay away, to not trust him with any secrets, but not so much that they blaze into battle out of anger. A little ruefully, he thought about Pearl, holding the Rose Quartz standard in the Strawberry Fields, but pushed the memory away.

Her lips flew shut automatically, eyes wide at the tone of his voice.

"Just… stop. You don't have to explain anything. I get it..."

With a shallow breath, he added, "I think I always have."

The worry that had etched itself across her face morphed, taking shape in a frown and a dip in her brow, reflected by her shrinking pupils.

"Y-you… you're not saying…"

 _Without fear._

"Y-yeah." Steven paused to clear his throat - he needed to make this convincing. Steven Universe proper wouldn't be able to keep it all together for a conversation like this, so he couldn't cry. Right now, that Steven Universe had to disappear.

"You were right, not to trust me. And you don't have to apologize. I understand, Lapis."

There was a tiny knot in his stomach that was oddly relieved when he said the ocean gem's name. If this was a conversation he had with Connie, or Pearl, or Garnet, he might not have been able to keep it together.

"I guess I lied to you all too, didn't I?"

A tense, stunned silence followed, and Lapis began to lean back slowly. She might not have even noticed, her eyes and face entirely blank, mind swallowed by some unimaginable void of recognition. Understanding is accompanied by pain, after all.

"...This changes everything, you know that, right?"

Barely, a word tumbled from her lips into the grass between them. It felt more like a valley than a patch of meadow, deep and vacant.

" _Steven…"_

"Stop," he repeated, a little more firmly. She needed to go, before he lost his confidence. This _was_ a better plan than what he had before, blindly doing whatever White Diamond told him, miserable every step of the way. Right?

"Don't say anything else. _You_ shouldn't tell _me_ anything else."

"It wasn't… I'm sorry. I didn't want any of this. You understand that?" She stood abruptly and took a step away, towards the trees at the nearest edge of the meadow.

"Yeah. I… understand. You can go back to the others, if you want. I think I might stay here for awhile." He would have to keep his distance, willingly push everyone away, ignore the truth in favor of darkness.

The less White Diamond knew, the safer everyone would be.

"I'm not really surprised if you guys are a little… weirded out by this. I mean, who wouldn't be? I'm dangerous. She, White Diamond… it's all an information game to her." Steven spoke slowly, getting to his feet and looking up as the stars started to fade. The palest pastels of morning light had begun to streak their lonely stretch of sky, and, a little bitterly, Steven wished he had waited to talk about all of this until morning. A single night of rest, a peaceful memory shared with Connie… It would have been a nice memory to end the day with, but...

Rubbing his eyes, Steven tried to trying to dispel the mounting pressure that was starting to grow in his brain.

"And I can tell you're disappointed in me. I mean, I think everyone is… _I_ am. I shouldn't have stuck around after I knew. Thanks, Lapis. You did the right thing."

He stared at her for a long moment, seeing nothing related to this corporeal world. Instead, a flash of white existence flashed across his memory, like a film reel that skipped across his visual consciousness.

"I'm sorry, Lapis. You understand why I can't stay on Earth now?"

"I… I guess I do."

Steven smirked sadly and turned around, walking the other way across the clearing into the forest.

He nearly cracked when she shouted at him, her voice thick with tears.

"I wish it didn't have to be like this!"

Steven wanted so badly at that moment to turn on his heel and give her a hug, at least say goodbye properly. He didn't know how long it would be until he saw her again, or any of them, or if this was going to work at all.

… but, if he turned, if he wrapped his arms around the ocean gem while she was hurt, he knew he wouldn't be able to go.

A small comfort, he offered two words. "Me neither."

Quietly, she replied, "Is… is this goodbye?"

"I…" His own tears were starting to build, but he had to be cold and unfeeling. Steven Universe would cry. He couldn't be himself right now, for their sake.

Steven shrugged and quietly sucked in the flow of wetness that threatened to spill over.

"I... guess it is."

The walk to the edge of the forest was a short, preoccupied one.

Steven wasn't sure if sending her back alone was the right thing.

 _No, they need to keep their distance. I can't risk them telling me something I shouldn't know_.

It struck him as peculiar, the relief to be alone - or at least, as alone as he could be. Was White Diamond listening to his train of thought, right now? Was he even thinking these thoughts at all, or were they her own, manifesting like original thoughts in his own brain?

Steven rubbed his scared arm as he passed through the edge of the trees, opening to a large magnificent field. Maybe a mile away, a small white house with a large barn were perched at the edge of his vision - he must be on some rural property. It wasn't well maintained around the forest edge, so the wild flowers and weeds mixed together to form a tiny border around the clearing.

The sun was almost fully in bloom, horizon budding over the western skyline. Things had begun to turn more orange, the final trails of pale pink receding through the clouds.

But there was a conspicuous flash of pink at the opposite end of the clearing, and it was growing larger. Steven couldn't help but laugh to himself when he realized it wasn't a trick of the eye.

"... I thought you might show up around here!" He called loudly, watching pink lion bound towards him with serious, almost lethal eyes. A large leap later, Lion was poised right in front of him, and Steven all but cooed at the adorable flutter of the pink beast's eyes.

"Oh, I've missed you too buddy," he stopped to scratch Lion's chin, earning him an affection purr. "We've got some serious Gem stuff to take care of, huh?"

Steven's attention lingered across the field, wondering about the lives of the people living in the house. He wondered if they knew chess.

It was White Diamond's move.


	15. Game Over

**A/N:**

 ***pretends I haven't been gone for months***

 ***drops this in your lap and runs away***

Amethyst and Blue Pearl walked in silence for a long time - at least, what felt like a long time - and their variant comfort with the quiet was palpable. The former started to speak, only managing to get a few syllables in before her confidence would falter. It might be the sound of traffic passing on the other side of the trees that made her stop, or the tiny turn of Blue Pearl's head in her direction, or the simple anxiety of needing to know something she didn't want to know at all. Whatever the case, the small gem's voice would catch and she would swallow the lump that formed, along with the impulse to drop the whole thing altogether.

Blue Pearl, comparatively, had no trouble remaining quiet. It was one of the few things she could practice anywhere, anytime, in company or in private. It mattered not if her Diamond was still alive, on a different planet, or if she was crushed to shards. Blue was confident that, if nothing else in the universe was right, she could at least count on the silence.

That was the interesting thing about the concept of "zero," or the void, or _null_ in Homeworld operation systems. Silence wasn't exactly anything, it was the absence of _any_ thing. Blue found the thought oddly comforting. A familiar concept of absence made the hole in her chest ache a little less.

So they walked, and stepped through leaves, and trudged up hills, and sloped down valleys. And then they walked some more.

It must have been miles by the time Amethyst had finally found her voice, something she had never really struggled with before.

"So… listen," she coughed unnecessarily, finally stopping when they reached the coast. Her best guess placed them maybe five miles south of Beach City, and if she had cared enough she probably could have guided them a bit better, but the purple gem had a lot on her mind. Here, they were in what remained of Ocean Town, although no one really called this place by that name anymore.

She dropped back into the sand, soft and undisturbed by humans on their small stretch of beach.

"I have some questions, but like, I don't really know how to start this. Any of it." Amethyst's face was half-covered by her long bangs, and noticed with amusement that so was Blue's. She patted the ground next to her and smirked.

"Wanna sit?"

Blue eyed the spot with pause before lowering herself into the gritty substance, careful not to press her skirt.

"So... " Amethyst started again, voice a little lower. Blue simply watched the sea, waiting, quiet.

Gritting her teeth, the smaller gem pressed her knuckles into her purple knees, exposed against the tears in her clothing. "I want you to tell me what happened on Homeworld."

Blue's lips flattened slightly, and Amethyst didn't notice the small change. When the gem beside her continued to say nothing, the purple gem let out a little huff of annoyance.

"Listen, okay? I get it. You're a _Pearl_. All pretty and perfect all the time. But can you drop it for like, five minutes? I need some real-talk. I want to know what happened to Steven."

Now, Blue's brow drew closer together, causing the lines of her face to crease into a slightly addled mask. It wasn't clear to Amethyst what exactly the Homeworld gem could be thinking, but at least there was some sort of visible recognition this time.

After a serious pause, Blue gave a solitary nod and looked at Amethyst properly. "I… am not like White." Amethyst made a face, knowing she was referring to _their_ Pearl. She didn't care for the reminder of Pearl's past, but did not interrupt.

"I can't, um, 'drop it.' That would be… as if I asked you to stop being... mercurial."

Amethyst had no idea what that meant, so she brushed it off in favor of getting to the point.

"Okay, whatever, I just need you to _be honest_ with me. Can you do that?"

Blue pursed her lips and said nothing, so Amethyst started again, voice seathing with her tumultuous emotions.

"Okay. _Okay,_ um," she let out a breath. "You were there, when… when Holly Blue fused with Steven the first time, weren't you? That's what Garnet said. It would be - or, er, it happened - in front of Blue Diamond."

A flash of disgust flitted across the gem's face, but she remained wordless; Amethyst took that as confirmation.

"I need to know what happened," she said, almost spiting the words at her feet. There was rage and confusion buried in the statement, transparent enough that Blue actually flinched away. Quartz soldiers were unpredictable, often violent, and Blue did not want to be on the receiving end of her anger.

So quietly, unsure if the word was imagined or not, Blue thought she heard Amethyst stifle a cry.

" _Please?_ "

"I can tell you," Blue answered with a strained frown, glancing at the smaller gem seated beside her. "But, it's not going to be a happy story."

"I need to know," the purple gem said with a raised hand. "Just, tell me, from the beginning. Okay?"

Nodding solemnly, the lithe gem and began to play with the sand between her fingers, drawing small patterns in the shape of memories, time recanting the days since this all began.

"It was my Diamond's idea. Fusion. A sort of control." Indigo eyes glanced at the speaker, but her eyes were ever-hidden by the waves of pale tresses that danced around her cheeks.

"The first time, ah, _Garnet,_ " she lingered on the name, and Amethyst noted the curl of her lip. "...formed, was when the idea was really born. It was millenia ago now, but the revolt of a Ruby, and particularly a _Sapphire_ , so defiantly in front of Blue Diamond was a… a sort of insult one could only imagine."

Amethyst waited patiently while the Homeworld gem gathered her thoughts, watching the shapes come to life by her fingers. A distinct image of the two halves of Garnet materialized in the sand, but in lieu of fusion, she raked her fingers across the portrait with something like anger.

"You have requested my honesty, so I will say, I do not think the Diamonds ever expected to use such a tactic in the way they had… _with_ Steven." Blue grimaced, adjusting in the sand as she recalled the first appearance of terrifying, disproportionate and deadly fusion, framed by the soft cerulean light of the doorway to the Judgement Chamber.

 _Opalite_.

Their terrible cries of pain were still too fresh, too real, coupled with the knowledge of the kindness Steven had done for her. It made Blue shudder to think of; she owed the boy her life, and he suffered in ways untenable to those who didn't see it - who didn't _hear_ it…

To her left, Amethyst cleared her throat and brought her back to the present.

"Umm... " She brought a hand to her chin. "Fusions. They motivated the creation of The Cluster. Forcing rebels to fuse, in the irony that it was their desire for freedom that got them there. At the time, the Diamonds had only ever imagined fusing... shards."

Amethyst's eyes darkened, and she studied the patterns in the sand as Blue Pearl traced her fingers carefully across them. It reminded her of one of those mini zen gardens Vidalia used to have. She even half-smiled at the memory, recalling the comforting feeling of flattening and rearranging the sand that Vidalia said it was supposed to inspire.

Her silence acted as an invitation for Blue to continue.

A bit more quietly, she went spoke through tight lips. "Things never should have been that way, but it is… it _was_ ," she corrected with a grimace, trying to chisel away the denial from her icebox heart. Blue Diamond was dead now. _Is_ doesn't apply in the same way anymore. "It was egregious to imagine such fusion, but Yellow… Yellow Diamond was a dark influence on her."

The moment the words fell from her tongue, Blue gasped and her hands flew to her lips. Amethyst jumped at the sudden movement and turned to face her properly.

"Whoa, what's up?" The purple gem leaned back slightly, unsure if she should offer comfort to the standoffish Homeworld loyalist. Would a comforting hand on the shoulder seem like an assault? She wasn't sure, so Amethyst opted to just hover beside her.

Chewing her bottom lip, Blue folded her hands in lap, flushing navy beneath her hair. The Earth had loosened her lips, and she nearly insulted a Diamond. The sand seemed that much more uneven and uncomfortable, and the atmosphere than much more oppressive and heavy against her needless throat.

Blue lowered her head in attempt to hide her embarrassment. "N-nevermind. Let's continue. You wanted to know what happened… starting from when they fused?"

Amethyst raised a brow skeptically at the gem's sudden flustery behavior, but felt she didn't know her enough to make heads-or-tails of the change. With a shrug, she nodded.

"Um, yeah. Anything that you feel like was important… starting from around then."

"I understand. Holly Blue Agate was ordered to retrieve Steven from his cell. At the time, the judgement from the Diamonds on the hybrid - _he_ \- was unclear. It was unbelievable. How could a human creature and a gem…? The thought was more sickening to our people than the possibility of fusion."

The story unfolded much the way Amethyst predicted it would from the bits of information she had been able to gleam from Garnet's cryptic visions, Pearl's dream, Holly Blue's beratement on Homeworld, and Steven's own teary confession on the first night of his arrival.

Closing her eyes, Amethyst listened patiently while Blue found her narrative stride. The small gem held her breath the entire way, in part as not to interrupt, but mostly to give the small gem something tangible to focus on beside her clenching teeth and deepening brow.

Amethyst didn't need to breathe, so it was, at best, merely uncomfortable. Like stretching herself a little too thin for too long, and right now, choosing to forgo air felt like a small bit of universal justice. Oxygen was a luxury she didn't deserve, for all that had happened, for all that she didn't do.

"Holly Blue Agate was awarded with great esteem when she presented a promising lead to the Crystal Gems. The humans they left the Zoo with had to be significant, and so they only had to follow them to find you."

The meaning of Blue's words were clear - she was referring to the break-in - and an unwelcome whirl of emotion started to build in the pit of the purple gem's stomach.

"The traitors, that is - um, the Quartz soldiers who were under Holly Blue Agate's service were reported as seditious. Without a cohort to maintain the facility, there was only a handful of maintenance gems that would remain on the ship, and it would have to be closed."

A little awkwardly, Blue turned her head away and grasped an arm across her chest. To Amethyst, the move read as defensive, and she did her best to muster some semblance of sympathy. While she did not particularly trust or even _like_ Blue Pearl, she acknowledged that this wispy personality had lost the single most important figure in her world. War doesn't have victories, only varying degrees of loss.

To Blue Pearl, it must have been like losing Rose Quartz in a sudden, devastating turn of fate, coming in the form of a punch straight through her tiny, dependent self. She had no chance to say goodbye, no chance to reflect or share memories, or to welcome a new little life into the world that radiated with her same warmth. No new misssion to ascribe new, no new life waiting beyond with her close companions.

She left Homeworld with all she had left.

Nothing.

… It must have been devastating, Amethyst decided, but did not speak on the subject.

The Homeworld Gem proceeded in her explanation, focusing on the sand that stuck to her smooth blue form. "Right before… Yellow Diamond sent a message to my Diamond. Regarding the decision on fusion. It was heatedly debated, but they conceded that there was no way to know with certainty of Steven's origin and abilities without being… _in_ his mind."

Amethyst cringed and squeezed her eyes as if she had been hit. It sort of felt that way.

"After that, Yellow Diamond approved a special request by Holly Blue Agate. She sought the satisfaction of revenge."

From then on, Blue Pearl eloquently and decisively outlined the events that happened. Opalite's presentation, the display of their weapons, Blue Diamond's tears, a feeling of darkness that captured her from the inside out. She came, at last to the Amethysts, Jaspers, Carnelians.

Blue had some suspicions that this was what the night's passings was all about. The desire for privacy, the awkwardness, the unusual solemnity that passed over the small purple gem. It was clear, however, that Amethyst needed to hear the story from the inside, to experience that pain, live the loss, and bury the feelings with due respect. Doubts, wondering, questioning, guilt… that would never lead to closure. Steven had taught her that.

Once she reached the end, recalling Steven's return to consciousness at Blue Diamond's feet, a new sort of silence was shared between them. Amethyst said nothing, and Blue said nothing, much like their evening began. The familiarity of stillness, the absence of everything, was their only company for several minutes.

The smaller gem, narrowed her eyes at the calming waves. It was hard to believe this all started beneath the ocean, a mistake, _her_ mistake. It was entirely too much.

Voice low, she wagered a question. "... Where are they now? The Famethyst?"

Blue Pearl blinked a few times, confused. " _Fam-_ ethyst?"

"The Quartz soldiers," Amethyst clarified, barely keeping the venom from her tone. "From Pink Diamonds base."

"Oh. I… can't know for certain. They were prisoners to Yellow Diamond, um, _before_. Alive. Unbubbled. Holly Blue Agate had kept two bubbled privately, as… trophies."

They both shared a glance, though one a single eye could be seen between the two of them, and it was heavy with unspoken understanding. A minimal twist of Blue's lip into a frown, Amethyst's clenched jaw.

They were, perhaps for the first time, on the same emotional plane.

 _Disgust._

"That is all I know," Blue finished when the tired, emotional eye of the Crystal Gem looked away.

Eventually, Amethyst offered a small "...got'cha." She wasn't exactly sure what else to say.

On Blue's part, it wasn't clear if it was appropriate to ask the gem if something else was troubling her, because she seemed notably more tense compared to when this all started. A tiny part of her wanted to ask, but she couldn't manage the words. Silence was easier. Familiar.

Amethyst looked skyward for a short time, and Blue readjusted and tucked own slim legs beneath her. She did not enjoy the sensation of sand against her legs and longed for the perch she had found beside the "laundry," at the Temple, to dangle with Earth's gravity above midnight skies and winking stars. But, Blue didn't feel it right to leave Amethyst alone. She didn't feel much like being alone, either.

"This was stupid," Amethyst eventually lobbed into the silence, and Blue merely shifted her gaze downwards.

"I mean," She shot Blue a sidelong glance. "I'm sorry if I hurt you, bringing up Blue Diamond. I just… I needed to know what happened. I just was expecting some sort of… I don't know, relief? I thought it would be better…"

Amethyst leaned back into the sand and her head rolled back along her shoulders, seeing past the sky and the stars and out into the astral plane to memory of feelings. Without any desire to do so, she remembered XJ picking her up, or managing to wrap Skinny in a hug with only one of her stubby arms.

"I guess I don't know what I'm doing. But, thanks," she turned her attention slightly to Blue Pearl, who had craned her neck to watch Amethyst's change in posture. The small gem smiled sadly, and Blue bowed her head.

"I am sorry, too, for… their… um," Blue sputtered out a few words, not really sure what she was saying until the sentiment was out there. It was unrefined, and Blue suddenly felt very ashamed and averted her gaze.

Amethyst did not laugh at her awkward fumbling. "Thanks," she paused. "For telling me, that is. It's nice to know that most of them were still alive. I guess it could have been worse."

Allowing herself a long inhale with the finality of their exchange, Amethyst stood and brushed the sand off her form. She looked around her shoulder to make sure she was rid of the unwelcome gritty substance from her backside, turning her gaze back to Blue Pearl. She

"Let's go back to the Temple," the small gem suggested, and Blue Pearl compiled without an explanation. She had a reason (Beach City was now closer heading back to the barn), mind you, but Blue Pearl didn't question a Quartz.

Aside from the slow lull of feet against sand and gentle waves, lapping carelessly to the troubles of intergalactic conflict, no noises bothered the pair until the boardwalk came into view.

When sound did come, it was a murmur from the purple gem's lips. "Um, by the way…" She began, turning her head up at Blue Pearl. For once, the gem's eyes were visible given Amethyst's short vantage point, and they were a pretty azule, soft and predictably sad.

"… The day of the execution, back on Homeworld and stuff… you remember?" She asked, shifting a little awkwardly - _of course_ Blue Pearl would remember. It was only, what, a week ago?

"Yes."

Amethyst tried to find her courage, but the trembling of her voice revealed her vulnerability, and she cursed herself for that.

"Steven fused with Holly Blue Agate in the Kindergarten. Again. He let us escape. He let _you_ escape, eventually."

Blue Pearl hummed a response - she had been there physically, in the broken remains of Blue Diamond's palanquin, too consumed by the broken image of her Diamond falling to the earth. That was when she went numb, and the next thing she knew, she was with Yellow, in a room in White Diamond's Military District, and everything continued to fall apart.

"Do you think… we're doing the right thing? Steven staying here, White Diamond's threat, you guys setting up shop in the Temple or even the Barn - it, I don't know, I feel like we're not..." Amethyst was clearly struggling through whatever she was trying to say, and Blue really wasn't sure what kind of response she could be expected to forge without a clearer question.

Before she was tasked with trying to come up with an answer, the purple gem continued. "You know Homeworld better than anyone here. Even Peridot or Dans. You were _there_ for thousands of years. Are you… or, do you think… _what_ do _you_ think? What are we supposed to _do_?"

That gave the quiet gem pause, and she lowered her head and fumbled with her fingers to busy herself while a tempest raged within her mind. She had never been asked that before, not once, in her entire life.

What _did_ she think?

She had been busy _feeling_ \- mourning, searching, pining, wondering. In the background, she observed the rebels debate and Steven draw in on himself and Danburite get caught up in the strangeness of it all. Before, she watched Yellow Diamond turn to dust, and Blue Diamond fall, and she thought she had seen White Diamond be shattered. And before even that, she lost Pink Pearl, and Pink Diamond, and thousands of others in the tides of war.

She had never really been bothered to _think_ on something; she just did as she was told and buried her reactions in the uncomfortable knots within her stomach.

Blue Pearl chewed on the inside of her cheek, suddenly uncomfortable with the looming nothingness around her. She didn't know what to think, or what she thought, or how to answer, and that was frightening.

"I…" she started slowly, after several tense minutes had passed. Amethyst looked her way, measuring the gem's reaction. "I think… there's… more."

"...More?" Amethyst echoed the statement, thinking she was going to say something grand and illuminating. It was unfair to Blue Pearl, Amethyst recognized, but it was still a little disappointing.

"More," Blue repeated softly, looking skyward now. She remembered Homeworld as everything and more. Her Diamond. Her whole life, and now, it was too simple, too empty, too vacant. There _had_ to be more.

"Something's missing from this. There has to be a reason White Diamond sent Steven back here, why he wasn't better guarded on Homeworld. I was able to get to him much too easily. Something doesn't add up."

* * *

Connie crossed her arms and leaned back against the barn, not really interested in answering her dozens of missed calls and even more ignored text messages from her parents.

They were, of course, furious.

Stealing away in the middle of the night with the gems and no explanation could not have been the _best_ way to put their worries to ease.

In fact, it might have been the _worst_ way, but the deed was done.

Around the barn, chaos had befallen what had been the best night of her life only 12 hours ago.

Lapis came back, without Steven, and Connie could not say she was surprised. Steven had admitted to her in the early hours of the morning that he haa no intentions on staying.

He would go back to Homeworld.

Though their conversation was short, it didn't sound like he was about to be convinced otherwise.

Something about that felt wrong, and it wasn't just the tragic disappointment which festered in her heart like a brutal wound. This was more like suspicion, doubt, misunderstanding, some sort of listless teenaged worry.

She had been so convinced yesterday, during their evening together, that Steven was… well, Steven. Lapis' story recanted that, ripping through her convictions like a blade to tissue paper. It confirmed all of their worst fears, but they had agreed it was definitely a possibility that he hadn't been real.

So why was she having such a hard time accepting it?

Where acceptance or disappointment should have been building a home, her heart had other plans. Fluttery, soft, uncomfortable plans, dropping her heart through to her stomach.

It took form of memories, of a kiss, and an admission of love. It _had to be_ real.

Connie couldn't accept less - that _must_ have been Steven Universe who let Lapis fly away. No illusion could conjure up those feelings in her, the spark of life that ghosted her lips when she ran her fingers over them. He had been shaking, so nervous - or scared? It was hard to tell, but it sort of made it that much more thrilling when they pulled apart, his expression happier than she's seen in weeks.

It felt incriminatingly like hope. Maybe it _was_ just hope - foolish, stupid, naive hope. A hope so strong it made her believe things that weren't real, or to accept the reality she wanted to be true.

But Connie couldn't just _hope_ Steven back to the barn.

If that was possible, she was sure Pearl would have teleported him back to her arms the moment Lapis took flight.

"Connie." Garnet said her name in way of greeting, and she glanced sidelong at their leader.

"Hiya, Garnet," she cleared her throat, sounding unusually husky. "What's up?"

She took a moment to respond, listening to the crashing sound of angry metal being thrown around the barn by an irate Peridot. The green gem wouldn't speak to anyone - not even Lapis, _especially_ Lapis - right now.

"How are you feeling?"

Connie pursed her lips, not really sure what sort of answer she should give. An honest one, or to just go with the reflexive dismissal that bubbled to her lips?

She opted for something with some semblance of normality. "I'm… fine, I guess."

"I don't think you are," the fusion replied flatly, and the young swordsman had to temper herself. She wasn't in much mood for a conversation right now, much less the way this one was starting.

Sharper than intended, she shot Garnet a look. "Then why did you ask?"

"It seemed like the polite thing to do. I need you to come with me."

Without time to catch her breath, Connie watched the fusion turn on her heel and march the other direction, towards the cows in the East. Brow furrowed, the pink girl scrambled after her, glancing over her shoulder at a very stressed-looking Pearl and a mournful-looking Lapis, perched on her silo.

They didn't walk very far before Garnet stopped, the rolling green hills catching in the breeze of mid-morning. For the horrible cloud that cast itself over the barn, this stretch of land was infinitely green and blue, sky and earth, for miles and miles - dotted only occasionally by a splotchy black or white creature, savoring their cud.

"So?" Connie asked, a little impatient. She wasn't one to mope around, but this morning was an exception.

"Let's meditate," Garnet suggested, voice soft. The fusion crossed her legs and easily sank into the grass, patting beside her. "I think it'll help."

Half-a-mind ready to ask "to help _what_ , exactly?" Connie punched down the ungrateful sounding voice in her head and did as she was bid.

They settled after a moment of her fidgeting, hands tucked in her lap with intentional poise, measuring her breaths against the unusual pace of her pulse beneath her blushing complexion.

Without much invitation, Stevonnie came to her, not in a vision but in feeling. A foundation built from love, and from trust, and from everything fusion was supposed to be… their tandem existence was frayed by the creation of Opalite, like a scale thrown off kilter. It wasn't impossible to eventually imagine a day when the balance could be restored, but it was a distant thing that tasted too much like a daydream to be comforting.

All of this _hope_ she had… it frustrated her. She should be screaming, or crying, or fighting or out looking for him. Not sitting here, meditating, when their situation lately seemed more hopeless than it did hopeful.

That was Steven's influence, though. It had to be. She never felt as confident or whole as when they were together, and the hours yesterday was like pure adrenaline that had been injected to her inanimate veins - an instinct, a reaction, a deep sense of what it meant to be _human_ bloomed in her when they were together.

A little rueful, she squeezed her lids tighter in the irony.

"Garnet?" Connie's eyes fluttered open, and she could see one eye open beneath the fusion's visor glancing down at her.

"Yes?"

"Why did you want to talk to me?"

"I think you might know why," she said with a tiny smile. "But let me give you the answer you deserve."

Connie felt her lips thin and waited, watching the fusion with measured breathing.

"Lapis is the only one who could... _reach_ Steven. Not you, or me, or Pearl, or Greg. They're the only two people in the world who can communicate on this - though, Jasper and Holly Blue Agate might be exceptions…" Her voice dropped an octave, and Connie felt her hands twitch into a fist. "But fusion is so _rare_. So valuable. It's something I take for granted after thousands of years, of knowing who I can be, of knowing Stevonnie, and Opal, and Sugilite. Pree. Rainbow Quartz. Sardonyx, Smokey Quartz, Alexandrite. We can be so much more than ourselves, together."

The girl bowed her head, listening intently. Her fumbling thumbs were a welcome distraction.

"I… I know that, Garnet." Connie released a steady exhale. "But why are you telling _me_ this?"

Her leader's lips turned up in an exhausted, but certainly happy, smile. It almost looked odd.

"Communication."

"... Communication? That's it?" Connie repeated inanely.

"Yes, that's it." Garnet adjusted her visor, her usual stoicism returned, and Connie caught her own confused scowl in the reflection of the dark glass. "Things fall apart if we stop talking. Lapis acted rashly, and you acted from your heart. But it was the most honesty we've had since returning to Earth. I - we - we nearly lost you in space, because I failed to be honest with _me_. It's the fundamentals of fusion, and I let it get away from me in fear."

Subconsciously, Connie rested one of her pink hands over her ribs, feeling the slow metronome of her heart beneath. Garnet continued, tone darkening by degrees, her teeth grit against the verbal sting.

"I was short-sighted and selfish before, and now, I feel the same guilt again. I… I was so afraid of losing _me_ , that I drew in. If Ruby could keep Sapphire safe, and Sapphire could keep Ruby safe, then that's all that mattered. But it's not. Keeping Steven at arm's length only delayed the inevitable."

"... which was him being an illusion, and wandering off into the woods, alone." Connie muttered, unintentionally bitter.

To her surprise, Garnet's expression twisted to one of simple amusement. "I wonder... there must be some _very_ tempting secrets out in the mountains. I can't imagine why else White Diamond would let him leave us."

Connie's head jerked up so fast she nearly gave herself whiplash. Pupils wide, she looked beside her in muted disbelief.

Was she saying…

"You don't mean…?" Connie bit her lip, trying to swallow down the words. They couldn't be said, else the hope would become real.

"I'm not." Garnet held up a hand, but her smirk seemed to tell a different tale. "But it's a rather likely _possibility_. If Steven was… not himself, then he would have resisted. When Lapis failed to keep him at arm's length, Steven made the choice to keep _us_ at arm's length. And if a spy is only as good as its information…"

"Then… Steven was protecting us. That means…" Connie mouthed the words, sweeter than honey as they fell from her lips. "That means he _is real_."

"He's more than that, I think." Garnet nodded, looking at the sky. "If he's figured it out, then he's not just real. He's _free_."

* * *

"You think I'm being stupid, don't you?"

Lion huffed through his large nostrils, and the boy grumbled, embracing the softness of the pink beast's mane from astride his back.

With a low exhale, Steven replied to Lion's unintelligible noise - it sounded an awful lot like an insult, though. "I know, I sort of _feel_ stupid." Steven promptly slid off his pink companion and onto the grassy earth.

After a few hours of walking, coupled with Lion's rhythmic pace, warm form and occasional internal humming, Steven felt himself grow tired. He coaxed his furry companion into stopping in the shade of a particularly isolated thicket in the mountains and it didn't take long for them to curl together comfortably, cuddled beneath the filtering charteruse-stained sunlight through their cozy verdant resting place.

Green canopy overhead, nameless trees in every direction, and occasional rustle of wildlife in the woods… now, if there had been any doubt before, Steven was definitely lost. Lapis hadn't given him a great sense of direction while flying, and he had been sleepy from a long night without sleep, so he hadn't really paid much attention.

It felt very different, though. Comfortable and cool, but maybe at a higher elevation than he was used to. As he and Lion got going into the forest, the gentle hills turned to sloping mountains and valleys. The scenic backdrop and quiet calls of nature were welcome distractions from his warring consciousness.

And though his body felt exhausted, Steven's mind raced. He looked at the soft texture of Lion's mane beside him and brushed it between his fingers, talking to the singular Earth presence that he had left.

"I feel bad about Dad… I wished I could have spent more time with him." Steven confessed, and Lion turned his gaze down and gave him a particularly unfriendly glare. Maybe he was reading into it, but Steven would have _sworn_ there was judgement in his eyes.

"Okay, maybe that's a bit of lie," he admitted further, shifting slightly and closing his eyes. "I do feel bad, but, this is already so complicated with the Gems… I can't put him in danger too. I just want to protect him. Is that so bad?"

No response was given, so Steven sighed a second time and curled inward, surprised at the sensation of tears that started to spring at his eyes.

"Lion… I'm… I'm _sorry_."

The apology was thick in his throat, and Steven inhaled sharply when the pressure gave. He crumpled into his companions side and began to cry, heavy, thick, _exhausted_ tears. The amount of stress that had latched onto him a month ago felt like it was ripped away, but instead of relief, he just felt empty. The metaphorical space rug had been pulled out from under him, and now he felt like he couldn't breath anymore.

He ran away.

He told Connie he loved her, like he had always wanted, and kissed her.

And then he _left_.

Now the Gems had to fight White Diamond on their own.

It wasn't fair to them. They didn't deserve to clean up the mess he made.

 _You're a disgrace_. Opalite jeered internally, and he groaned before turning over in the dirt.

"I really messed up, didn't I?" Steven asked through a shuddering breath, peeking up at Lion, but the beast had shut its eyes. Perhaps he was already asleep - honestly, Steven should follow by his example. The boy rolled onto his back, feeling fifty years older, and slung an arm over his exhausted eyes.

" … I mean, Connie's _alive_... sort of. And none of the Gems died in space. Dad's here, and he's okay, and even Lars looked happy. That's gotta count for something, right?"

He let his lids close, trying to ignore a hungry pang in his stomach. The confidence he had managed to fake this morning, trying to leave Lapis and the others behind, was faltering with his exhaustion.

"Maybe Lars and Sadie will… finally... married before… go," he mumbled softly, the tiredness finally yielding into a warm ball of a half-gem, half-human and a magical Lion snuggled next to each other in the middle of a forest.

Sleep came easily, his half-human body needing the energy more than his brain needed to process the spiraling void. Lion provided a sort of security to Steven's subconscious mind that he was certain he could not have achieved if he was truly alone - but then again, he wasn't ever truly alone anymore.

The dreams were always a reminder of that.

When Steven's eyes fluttered open, he scrambled upwards and backed into a wall.

"Lion?" He rubbed the corners of sleep from his lids and looked around, seeing no pink beast, nor any sort of wooden sanctuary or calming meadow. No Lapis, or Connie, or Pearl, Amethyst, or Garnet.

He had left them behind, but not to come here.

"Where _is_ this place..." Steven murmured, standing and walking forward.

He had been sitting at the edge of one of the most beautiful rooms he had ever seen. Steven was literally staggered by its magnificence. The sound of his footsteps echoed in the quiet space, and Steven gaped around at the curved walls and concave ceiling, the flush gray of marble smoothed out like a stone blanket that was somehow poetically simple.

A cupola, the maxima were as tall as the Temple, crawling up the length of towards the center far above his head where an oculus punctured the flawless walls like a brutal wound. Blood flowing out from the incision, a luminous moonlight created the image of a large cream-colored circle against the imprint of dark stone across the floor.

Each wall was wreathed in carved murals, and Steven wandered into the dome, completely unawares that he was not alone.

Captivated, Steven felt especially small as he passed under the skylight, the pale eclipse requiring more than a few strides to cross; for some reason, strolling beneath the oculus made him feel oddly at peace. The room itself was like ossified bone, smooth and soft but definitely not metal. This place was not like Homeworld, but it wasn't really much like Earth, either.

Warily, Steven ran his fingers along the exterior walls. The engravings were as tall as the Diamonds themselves, which was befitting – many captured the likeness of those very rulers. The surface of the figures extended out from the wall a few inches, like a statue that had never been fully released from its stony prison. These images were not statuesque, but modeled in that same style that characterized the murals on the Moon Base, or the one that had been plastered in his cell on Blue Diamond's ship, back when he had first been taken.

Tracing the curving dark stone, Steven flinched his hand away when he realized he knew this particular image. His wanderings had brought him to the feet of Yellow Diamond. Looking down the wall to his right a few meters, he recognized the somber look of Blue Diamond, eyes turned down upon some geometric subjects. They were a part of the same scene, their palanquins beautifully shelled out against the backdrop like stained-glass, each Diamond flanked by their massive palanquins as they faced each other. Between them, a small crowd of indiscernible rectangles and triangles and trapezoids gathered, but it wasn't clear what function they served.

Steven gently rested his hand against the surface of Yellow Diamond's massive form, studying the image like a storybook. There was tension in the scene, he wasn't sure how, but he could tell. They both looked very upset... maybe it was in respects to Pink Diamond.

Steven did not feel loss for either of them, not exactly, but he did muster up some definitive sadness at their deaths. They had both been cruel, but yet, they had suffered the same deceit from White Diamond. All three of them had been fooled, used as puppets in her elaborate show, and now they were dead and he was trapped.

He had survived, and this is where the Diamond's existed now. In memories and in stone.

A shiver ran through him, and he rubbed his arms together to dispel the chill.

"Steven." A voice called quietly from behind. He knew it was White Diamond, the refined quality was unmatched, but this was softer than he remembered.

Part of him knew he was asleep - a tiny piece of his consciousness knew he was nuzzled up comfortably beside Lion, so this couldn't be real, but he also recognized this was no normal dream. He could never cooked up such a magical room on his own.

The murals had been a dead giveaway that she would be here, but the piercing voice behind him still gave him a start.

White Diamond studied him across the length of the room, perhaps twenty meters away, her silvery robes just touching the floor. Steven should have been used to her incredible size, and even more her incredible, suffocating, pantheistical aura. Pale and glorious, she was the image of a god and a monster, a beau ideal in the effulgence of power.

A choked out response followed. "Um… hi, my Diamond, um, uh... what's up?" Steven sputtered.

 _Did you seriously just say that? Stupid, stupid..._

White Diamond advanced until she was standing just in front of the oculus, releasing him from her unsettling glare momentarily as she scanned the skies. His eyes followed hers, one hand still resting against the raised stone mural, but he could not see the sky from so far away.

Steven turned and positioned his hands in front of himself shyly, anxiously shifting his weight as White Diamond gazed upon the austere atmosphere; for as terrifying she was, the monarch appeared picturesque in their runic chamber.

After pursing her lips, White Diamond relaxed her face and looked down at him once more. "I'm impressed. You made a strategic decision, Steven."

By the time Steven mustered the courage to look up, he wished he hadn't. She had silently moved closer – just in front of him, maybe ten feet away – and she was staring down at him. It was like looking into the sun, entrancing and destructive all at once.

It felt like she was patronizing him, and Steven wagered that he probably should have been more afraid, but he just swallowed and nodded. It felt like the past few days had been building up to this - her echoing in the back of his mind, him watching Lapis fall apart, sharing the special night with Connie, listening to their theories about his existence. He knew he would have to face her eventually, and while her haunting gaze made his skin erupt into chills, it was not from fear. Intimidation, maybe, but he wasn't afraid.

"Tell me, Steven," she said as her head tilted to one side in curiosity. "What do you hope to gain in doing this?"

She did not demand an answer from him, and that seemed intentional. Everything about her was intentional, though; orchestrated, pseudo-real, manipulative.

"I'm not playing this game anymore." His voice was flat, and she raised a brow at him.

"I can't - I _won't_ do this to them. Not again." Steven clenched his fist, hating that his mouth had turned dry. He thought of Connie, and the gentle way her smile would reach her eyes, and how pretty and terrible her new rosy skin was. And then of Pearl's tired, defiant stare, and Garnet's quiet composure through an impossible maelstrom, and of Amethyst's hesitation and fear. The way Danburite and Blue Pearl seemed comfortable for the first time, sitting up by the laundry, confessing their feelings and, in Dani's case, her inability to feel at all. More images, Peridot laughing and hugging Lapis, wrapping an arm around her in the barn before they fused, or Blue Prehnite's many turquoise eyes, strained with worry, and, finally, Lapis flying away.

Really, he was the one who flew off, but the catch of her gem in the early morning light, clearly outlined between her shoulder blades, struck him with a particular kind of pain.

"I wasn't able to protect them the first time. And…" he coughed, refusing to let his voice crack. "And I'm not going to let you hurt them again."

White Diamond seemed unphased. "I see. So you've decided to let them go."

"No," Steven grit his teeth. "I'm not _letting_ anything happen anymore. I'm doing what I have to. I'm not - I'm on Earth, and this is where Gems and humans can be free."

Tilting her head, White Diamond's eyes narrowed to furious white slits. She looked almost like a pale snake, long and deadly, waiting for the right moment to strike.

"So, you'd risk the lives of the ones you love so you can be 'free?' They are seeking a _war_ , Steven. If my hand is forced, so be it." Her voice rose the hair on the back of his neck. "Again, and again, and again, you allow yourself to fall into weakness. It is a shame."

His hands began to tremble, but the strangeness of the moment brought a memory in lieu of fear: a voice, a claim, an admonishment.

 _Your human capacity for caring is your greatest strength, but you are letting it become your greatest weakness._

Dani had told him that, and it was the honesty he needed to get himself off Homeworld, and then Lapis gave him the second wave of painful truth.

 _You feel like you tried, and tried, and tried. But, did you? Did you try_ everything _? It didn't look like it._

Above, White Diamond loomed, the room turning hotter with her fury. She clearly did not like to be defied, but Steven wasn't just doing this for him anymore.

"If - if being like this, being who I am, makes me weak, then _fine_." He held out his right arm, and for the first time in so long, a pink shield materialized at his wrist with furious pride.

"But I'd rather be weak and stupid than be like you. I love my family, I love my planet - you… you shattered two Diamonds! I shattered gems, too, but I regret it and… and I want to be _better_. Those were mistakes! You're - you're twisted. Blue Diamond, Yellow Diamond…" he paused, turning to look at the fallen leaders in their murals. His voice rose with every word, echoing with loud snaps around the room. Hot, furious tears spilled over his cheeks in guilt, but he hardly noticed.

"They cared about you - about Pink Diamond - and you just shattered them! It - _you_ \- I can't do this anymore! I won't."

With a quiet ring of finality, the last word hung heavy between them. Steven waited, shield raised, body shaking with overwrought emotion that fell from him - tears, words, labored breathing, all of it released more and more into the deafening silence.

He hated her.

He really, really _hated_ her.

White Diamond's lips had grown impossibly thinner, her forehead creasing with severity he had never seen in her before, and in a blink of the eye, she shot out a hand in a graceful upper-arch over her head. A catching wind exploded in the chamber, a transient tornado that threw his small form high into the air, a ragdoll to atmospheric mercy. Steven released a startled shout, but he did not drop his shield, and without enough time to reorient himself, he was captured in a pale bubble once again.

White Diamond brought him to eye-level and flashed him a wicked grin. "Interesting. You _do_ have some spine after all."

He wished he was closer to her, or he might have spat in her face.

Before he had a chance to gather his thoughts, all of the fury and fighting spilled from his lips that he'd choked down for the past several days. This was the single most evil, terrible, hollow being in the universe, and it was by his own mistakes that he let things get so wrong.

"You… you killed Connie! You tried to kill all of my friends - why would I listen to you? You might be in my head, but this is _my head_. You can't control me. You can come to Earth if you want," he paused and turned his shield around, on himself. Steven lifted his shirt to reveal his gemstone, and felt a flutter of satisfaction in his stomach when White Diamond's eyes grew a degree wider. "But I'll end it - all of it - if you do. I'm your stupid _key_ , right?"

He widened his arms and legs, flicked his wrist to dissolve his shield, and replaced it with a bubble of his own. With some strain, he forced it back and away from himself, popping the one she had used to bring him to her level.

Shouting, angry tears at the corner of his eyes, Steven glared at White Diamond, and she stared right back.

"Everything is going wrong and I don't know how to stop it. So I'm finished. No more tricks, no more games."

A heavy silence settled as the last of his declaration settled in the strange, stone room. White Diamond's lip curled in distaste, and her eyes narrowed.

"... I see. Well." Her tone was horribly calm. "I think you'll find that I can make everything a game, depending on how badly I want to play."

He felt it before he really saw it, a massive hand, the color of death, swooping down at the top of his bubble and smashing him clear into the ground. Her palm did not let up, forcing down on him like a magnet grounding into the earth, seeking purchase against its opposite attractant. Only barely, Steven's bubble resisted, keeping him from crumbling with the crater that his impact made against the stones, but the pressure grew too much and his protection popped.

Heaving, Steven's eyes flew open and he shouted into a silent forest, his fuzzy pink pillow gone. Instead, Lion stood a foot in front of him, watching him with suspicious eyes. A few birds stirred from the tree-tops, and Steven clenched his furious beating heart.

Drenched in sweat and shaking, the boy looked up. It must have been dusk, judging by the midnight flush of amaranthine skies starting to overtake vermillion clouds, the air still and quiet through the woods. No wind stirred here, and it made the disorientation even more severe.

Lion inched forward as Steven's gasping began to slow, and after a pause, an adorable pink nose nuzzled into his clammy forehead. A low purr erupted from the magical beast, and Steven chuckled while gripping the side of his head.

"H-hey, buddy," Steven said, breathless. "I gues… we have somethings to take care of… But we'll do it together, right Lion?"

In lieu of an answer, a scratchy tongue lowered to his scarred arm and began to lick the unnatural lines like a wound.

Letting out a low breath, Steven half-laughed at the tickle against his scars. "I was sort of thinking the same thing, but first thing's first, there's treasure to find. We're like pirates now, matey!"

He rubbed the sleep from his eyes and dragged himself to standing, and Lion continued to nuzzle into him, unusually affectionate.

With a laugh, the hybrid added, "I'll be captain and you can be my First Mate and Cabin Boy."

The beast paused and leaned away, and Steven swore he was scowling.

"... Okay, just First Mate. We don't need a Cabin Boy."

That seemed to appease his pink companion, and Steven giggled when Lion yawned and settled back into the ground.

Pacing the clearing, he began to work through some of the finer details outloud. It was a little unsettling to think White Diamond was probably tuned in.

"Okay. So Homeworld's really mad. Diamonds shattered, gearing up for war, blah blah blah. I guess I should try to think like Mom? There's probably a joke in there somewhere, right?"

Lion made a face.

"Oh stop," Steven batted a hand towards him. "I was just trying to _lion_ the mood."

At that, his only physical audience rolled over and went to sleep.

"...Geez, tough crowd." He scratched his chin and began to count off his fingers. "Mom had a few places she would hide things. The desert, her weird weapon room, the Temple, _you_."

Lion didn't reply.

"But I feel like Pearl and Garnet would know this place. So not you, and not the desert. Pearl knew about the weird weapon room…" He mused, unsure if Garnet had ever been shown the spot.

Steven shrugged and crawled on Lion's back, which was awkward since his magical pal had decided to lie on his side. "Gotta start somewhere, I guess. Geddup!"


End file.
